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I don’t think I can deal with the amount of travel his job entails. Should I cancel our third date?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 February 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 12 February 2018)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

SO I met a guy, lets call him CHAD. We went out on two dates. Really hit it off, loads in common, lots we like in each other plus great attraction.

He works for some sales company and after our second date went out of town for 8 days. I have a third date with him now next week.

Im worried tho and I don't wanna overreact but would appreciate other opinions. He says he travels almost WEEKLY for his job. I don't think I can deal with that. I don't trust guys that travel a lot mostly. Beside that how do you stay connected under that extreme lifestyle. Im almost 40 and u want a family more then anything. I don't wanna waste time on anything insecure. Should I just end it before it starts?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2018):

Don't think he worries you'll leave him because of his job. No, don't cancel any dates with him. Have you ever heard someone say they've never cheated on their partner? Well, chances are they've cheated at some point, even if it was just emotional cheating or lusting over the neighbor down the street. In short, you can have a partner who will cheat all the time and be leaving under the same roof everyday, or you can be with someone who travels every day for work and never cheats. Your worrying will break up your relationship faster than his absence for work.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (12 February 2018):

I have to say yes. He knows that wouldn't work for a lot of women and you know it definitely does not work for you. You shouldn't have to struggle for his time and attention; and that should not come-up as a bone of contention when you trying to establish a meaningful love-connection. That's a problem you see coming long beforehand.

Too much of his time away doesn't give you quality-time together. I know a lovely man who makes a ba-zillion bucks; but every relationship he has had ends badly; because he has to travel so much. He just turned 41, has two broken engagements, and one divorce under his belt already. He's a big-time executive, has the greatest personality, good-looking, athletic; but he travels too much.

Don't put yourself through that. It has only been a couple of dates, but no feelings attached.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (12 February 2018):

N91 agony auntI'd say so yes.

I don't think it's unreasonable to not want your partner to be away for long periods of time fairly regularly and if you're already iffy about it whilst not an official couple, I really don't envisage it getting any better.

I do however think your preconceived notion of travelling workers to be untrustworthy is unfair. How many people that work in an office could be just as unfaithful? I really don't think someone's career choice correlates to how likely someone is to cheat.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntYes

And were is why. You have had 2 dates and it's already a problem for you.

Some people can handle this life-style and some (like you) can't.

Having been a military wife myself, this was NEVER a problem for us. My husband was gone off and on. Training, Schooling, deployments, pre/post-deployments, escorting and "babysitting" at risk soldiers, picking up drunk soldiers from the various police stations, etc. etc. He missed out on many many events, birthdays, milestones, anniversaries, etc. due to his job. In many respects I was a "single" mom raising our 3 kids, while he was geographical elsewhere.

WE still managed to be FAITHFUL, to keep in contact, to maintain a close bond while he was away. It honestly wasn't hard. But it could get complicated. But so can life be when you have your partner RIGHT next to you.

What it comes down to is HOW independent you both are, how well you mesh, negotiate and compromise.

It wasn't a problem for us, because we didn't MAKE it a problem. We made it work.

Had we been DATING when all the training, deployments etc had been going on, I might have opted out too.

Don't FEEL bad if you feel this is NOT what you want in a partner. A traveling salesman might just not what you want for a partner. YET, you could be dating someone working in the same town as you and he could STILL be a philandering sort of man without you knowing...

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