A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i no longer love my boyfriend of 4 years but can't let him go.its driving me crazy as my life feels like its being wasted away before my very eyes.im 27 and fed up to the back teeth of my other half, he is disloyal, untrustworthy and does not respect me. he is not romantic in any way and i have found myself falling out of love with him.despite this, i cant seem to let him go. when we argue he goes running to his ex...not for comfort or anything but for someone to talk to. this angers me so much and i try to tell myself hes a goner anyway and to let him go but he always talks me round or i end up going running out of loneliness.i cant understand why, if i dont love him anymore, why cant i let him go?i lonely to an extent but im also very independant and know for a fact i could easily manage on my own. i ahve my own money, can change my own car tyres etc(you get what im tryiing to say) could anyone enlighten me please as i am driving myself crazy by keeping hold of this idiot!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 July 2013):
 sometimes staying in a lousy relationship is easier because we are comforted by knowing the drill and the routine.
We KNOW that being alone is better and safer and happier and we KNOW we can do it (I speak for both of us dear) and yet we are paralyzed not by fear but by inertia. TOO Much effort to pack, to move, to say goodbye and deal with their not getting that we are leaving because they are not enough and yet if we tell them, it makes it worse so do we tell them they are not enough or do we say "it's me not you" just to get out...
if you live together this is very hard. if you do not live together, then you have many more options...
sit down with a sheet of paper
draw a line down the middle on one side write PROS on the other side CONS
then list ALL the good things about the relationship and the man on the PROS side and all the bad things on the other side... make it as detailed as you can... it can include things like "he does not brush his teeth well enough" anything you want to help you figure this out.
the list is just for you... after you write it, you may see this differently.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 July 2013):
 Do you live with him (together) or separate? If you live together, well then I would suggest you find another place to live and move out.(unless it's YOUR lease/house of course)
You KNOW intellectually that you can do better without him, but the habit of being with him is strong. The longer you stay, the more you hold yourself and HIM back from life. Spending your time being frustrated with him when you can ACTUALLY DO something about it, it's kind of wasteful, don't you think?
Decide what you want and then DO IT! It's not going to be easy, you are dealing with another human being. A human you used to love and care for very much, a human with feelings, dreams and ideas - but.... mostly of all - a human you NO LONGER want to share your life with. So why are you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2013): Smokers can't just quit cold-turkey although they know smoking is lethal. The brain releases the same endorphins (feel-good hormones) for any addiction. If you've been with a person for 4 years, they become a habit.
He is an addiction; because when your relationship first bonded, he got inside your brain. When your relationship was fresh and good, he made a deep and positive impression on your brain emotionally. As time went on, his presence becomes imprinted.
You didn't let him go, until you just couldn't take his crap anymore. You got rid of your problem by dumping him,
now you have to break your addiction; and that will take a little longer.
There is a good prognosis.
You will get over the habit. Hallelujah!!!
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (17 July 2013):
You have been honest with yourself. You stated the bad things about your boyfriend.....but more importantly you stated that you DON'T LOVE HIM.
I would be upset if my partner didn't love me and was sticking with me because they were lonely or felt some kinda of obligation. I would want someone who I can't wait to come home to, to see, to talk to, or just to sit quietly by. Isn't that what every girl/guy wants?
Let him go. The first year will be hard. You will miss all the stuff you are use to. Take a chance on being happy. Take a chance on living your life. Take a chance on being alone.......really alone. You just might fall in love with YOU!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2013): I have been through similar and now I've left him and look back I know I only stuck with him so long because he was a habit. I was used to being with him and felt comfortable with him. Now I'm gone I know I won't go back there, be strong! There's someone much better out there for u xx
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (16 July 2013):
 Because you are used to him and comfortable with him and you are afraid to be alone. It's hard to face being alone, especially when the other person is begging you to take them back. Rather than go through the difficulty of moving on, and the loneliness, and the fear of the unknown, you take back the comfortable even if it doesn't make you happy. You feel he is probably better than the alternative of being alone. It takes a great strength to move on from an unhealthy relationship. And the only way to keep yourself from taking him back is to not speak to him or see him. Allow yourself to move on. If you know it is over then it's a waste of both of your time to continue the relationship.
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