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I don't like my gf's new friendship with this guy! Should I be concerned?

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Question - (28 February 2006) 4 Answers - (Newest, 4 March 2006)
A male , *oz3286 writes:

I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months now and we have gotten extremely close. She went off to college and has been hanging out with another guy an awful lot. He knows about me and she insists to me that I have nothing to worry about. However, I find myself worried because he will pay for her everytime they are together, which is a lot. He also always compliments her and I feel like he is trying to impress her. They spend time hanging out alone and I can't help but not like it. I am positive that she is not cheating on me. But I feel as though I am right to not like my woman spending a lot of time with another man that has made it clear to her that he wants more. She really enjoys spending time with him and I don't feel comfortable with that because she is so far away from me and he is always treating her like a girlfriend. What should I do? What should I say to her? Am I right to not approve of this friendship? Should I be concerned?

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A female reader, twinkle +, writes (4 March 2006):

twinkle agony aunthi,

you definatly have a right to be worried, but if you have no reason to distrust her then dont yet. by the looks of things its him that is trying to do the dammage and because your girl is quite close to him she dosent want to see him for what he is, it sounds like you are a totally devoted boyfriend, have you tried confronting her? if you feel you can talk about it i sugest you do, just to put your mind at rest if nothing else. as long as you dont have a reason to disbelieve her, as long as the love is still there as much as it used to be then i cant see why there is any problem but seriously talk to her, tell her how you feel im sure she will understand good luck hun

kay x :D

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A male reader, Aiden +, writes (28 February 2006):

hey i've got this problem too, my gf says she's not attracted to the guy but she's in the same course as him in college, and everytime i call her you can hear him in the background, everytime i meet her at lunch he's there, lately she's been inviting him out to get drunk with my mates without me knowing until he appears that night, i know there must be some sort of chemistry between them but i try my best to ignore it but it always comes back to me, everytime i question my gf about it it's either shut up you know there's nothing going on, or just leave it, the questions are do i know if there's anything going on? and should i just leave it, there are more than just this guy tough, when me and her go out she gets totally bladdered and runs around town kissing and hugging her guy friends, one niht though one of her mates grabbed the back of her head, pushed her face towards his, and commenced to kissing her, it took her a good 5 secs to get herself off him, we had a massive row that night and he knew that we were together, i ended up spending the night in the cells for beating him up, and my gf begged for forgivness after that. but i love her so much i just look out for her and don't want any other guy taking advantage of her when she's uncontrollably drunk.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (28 February 2006):

eddie agony auntYou've got reason to be concerned. Thre are many temptations out there and it seems your girlfriend has found somebody who would like to tempt her. I'm sure you feel powerless over this too as you're apart.

Smeedle, was correct. You can't force your girlfriend to do aas you please. She will resent you for that. Trust is very important in a relationship. It is also very frustrating to let go when you know what the other guy is hoping for. Convey your feelings to your girlfriend. Perhaps you could let her know how you're feeling. Tell her as a guy, you can see what's possibly going through the other guys mind. Tell her in a way that lets her know to be careful, but be on her side. No matter what stage of life we're in, attention from the opposite sex feels nice. It is somewhat of a validation that we appeal to others. If you build a strong relationship though, the temptation pales in comparison to a reliable partner. Always, always, keep your relationship vibrant. Things can become stale after a while. Knowing that your girlfriend is in college tells me you're young. This is the time when people test the waters. It's hard to accept, but if this is to be, it will be. If she chose to move on to another guy, that would be fate. You can't have your way by contolling somebody. It only causes resentment.

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A female reader, smeedle United Kingdom +, writes (28 February 2006):

smeedle agony auntI think you are right not to approve of this, but your girlfriend is the innocent party, it is the bloke, it is evident that he likes her and wants to be with her despite you and he has made his feelings clear.

If I was you, I would be as jealouse as hell and want him to get out of her life.

Sadly you are in no position to tell anyone who they can and cannot see and whilst you dont like it, you have to put up with it.

If you put your foot down she will just tell you to go to hell and she will see who she wants and you should trust her, so in effect you would have made her choose (always a bad move as women are stuborn).

So just trust her and if your relaionship is good and strong then she will eventually get bored of him or see through his little game and sort him out.

Trusting her will hurt but if you are meant to be together then you will come through this.

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