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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 18, I've had a boyfriend for 2yrs. We still haven't had sex.We've done some things but nothing real down and dirty.Why am I so scared of sex?! Is this normal? I'm terrified of losing my virginity to anyone.Everyone tells me it's not that big of a deal as long as it's with someone nice. They tell me "..the first time really isn't that special and will actually really suck." .."you will be better off if you experience a bit before U get married." and yada yada. But I haven't even tried oral or fingering, the most I've done is heavy petting and rubbing. Anything more is so scary! What if I try it and break up with the guy then I'll be broken. Is it all really that big?I'm to the point I don't like doing anything because of how dirty it makes me feel how.Everyone already assumes I've lost it since I've been with my bf so long. Am I going to be a 40yr. virgin?!Any advice, please!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): Hi, I know how u feel, I dont really have any advice, but I can tell u u are not alone! Im 19 and havent even had my first kiss yet. Im so scared an i feel dirty and sick whenever i think about sex...
But reading some of this stuff on the web helps me, kinda puts me at ease. For a while at least...
A
male
reader, Steve169  +, writes (18 January 2007):
 If you're scared then you're not ready!
I admire your bf, he's a decent guy, and if this is getting you down, look at one major upside: he's not in the relationship for the sex, he really does love you!
Wait until you feel ready, that may well be your wedding night. In this era losing your virginity on your wedding night is something fewer people can enjoy, I think it must be a truely wonderful experience, as if you are both comfortable the first time can be really amazing!
Also, with regards to feeling dirty, once you're married it's ok in anybodies eyes.
But even if you don't wait until then, wait until you're comfortable! Look up stuff and find out more about it so that when it comes to it, you know all the technical side and the dangers and how to minimize those risks.
Good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (18 January 2007):
 Your boyfriend sounds like a nice guy and you sound like a great gal. Forget about your friends. You do what you want to. When you feel you're ready then you'll know. And the first time can be really, really special.
If you're scared in a: you tense up when things start going to far and you just don't want to go further way... I think it's because you're just not ready with. And in due time (you've got the rest of your life), and with someone you're really comfortable with (maybe that person is your boyfriend and the time just isn't right) - you WILL be ready.
But if you're scared in a paranoid way, I think you can begin to cure that by getting yourself informed. Go to Plannedparenthood.org and check out stuff about getting checked, how sex works, things to think about before having sex (birth control, etc.) and just getting yourself INFORMED. That can ease up being scared in a technical way.
You don't have to have sex until you're 100 if you don't want to. You'll be ready when you're ready. Just don't push yourself, alright doll?
Good luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, kad +, writes (17 January 2007):
i think yr bf's gr8 4 being wiv u 4 2 yrs wiv no sex. dnt get me wrong, i dnt mean that 2 say that yr being realy difficult or anything, wot i mean is that a lot of guys r like, 'no sex?! c ya!' i'm glad yr man's not like that! :) it sounds 2 me as if yr jst not ready 2 have sex..simple as that. dnt worry abt it, yr only 18, that's nothing. you've got ages 2 have sex..lots of it! :)
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A
male
reader, moomoomoo +, writes (17 January 2007):
 the responses im expecting here are billions of "you're not ready yet" responses. Actually, surprisingly thats what i'd actually say here.. you're having too many doubts and stressing over a lot of nothing. yeah, it can be normal to be scared but only because you're not really wanting it yet..
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A
female
reader, 7up +, writes (17 January 2007):
 Hello,
Now im about to reply to you and try my best to help you, yet im in exactly the same boat with EVERYTHING you say except im 30!!
Firstly id like to say try not to be so hard on yourself, you're still young and there is no time limit. I think your bf loves you deeply to be with you and thats a rare quality in a guy. Have you told your bf you are a virgin? and and how you feel to sexual acts? My bf knows abt my virginity and hes still with me.
Its difficult being a virgin in this day and age becos of the way society is now, and i think hard for non virgins to understand your situation, just try to be patient with yourself more than anything if it helps to confide in someone other than your bf then do so. Dont give up hope and keep trying perhaps going that little one step further each time, thats what ive been doing.
I hope this has helped you a little, sorry im not an expert just wanted to tell you i know how you feel and your not alone.
lots of love xxxxx
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