A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship for a year now with my boyfriend and i love him very much and i am sexually attracted to him. We haven't had sex for over a month because i don't want to, i don't know why. I find it annoying when he touches me and hate the thought of having sex. He's doing nothing wrong at all because i enjoy sex when we do have it but i'm never horny anymore. Im worried it's affecting our relationship. Whys this happening? What can i do to bring my sex drive back?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2016): Hi, if you google loss of sex drive you will find a ton of info!
One common thing is hormone based contraception. If that isn't the problem, talk to your doctor, and then if that doesn't work, a shrink.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (16 March 2016):
I think you need to think very carefully about whether you have gone off sex, or gone off it with him. You say that you’re sexually attracted to him but then say that it annoys you when he touches you. That’s a lot more than just not being horny. Is it more “not tonight, dear,” or “go away dear.” It suggests to me that you are either not attracted to him, or there is something about your sexual relationship that is putting you off.
If you’re not attracted to him, it’s not the idea of sex that puts you off, it’s that you don’t want it with him. In that case, take the only sensible bit of Sageoldguy1465’s strange answer on board and let him go. You might care for him but it doesn’t mean you’re in love.
If you really do think you’re still attracted to him, there could be a couple of possibilities. One might be that you’re stressed, tired, anxious or insecure and this is affecting your libido. The other is that this is a symptom of other problems in your relationship. Some couples find that sex becomes routine and predictable after a while. Some find that their lover becomes more selfish over time, feeling that they are just trying to get what they want rather than putting effort in to making it romantic and special. Predictability can be a real passion killer, and one that it is very easy to get locked in to without seeing it. Things that can help include spicing things up in the bedroom, making an event of it that involves something romantic where you make time to spend with each other, and also being willing to try kissing, cuddling and just being physically close without it leading to sex every time. Maybe you’ll be more open to sex if you don’t think he’s trying to get you to bed every time he touches you (a lot of people think that of their partners as a defence mechanism when they know there are intimacy issues).
Whatever it is, I think you need to consider whether it’s you or him, and whether you really do have a desire for a sexual relationship with him or not. When you have figured this out, it is only fair that you talk honestly to him. He deserves to know what’s going on and what, if anything, he can do to try and make things better for and with you.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (16 March 2016):
 Release him... STOP egging him on... when YOU aren't, really, interested in being intimate with him....
Are you sure that you are not gay? A woman-friend might be just what you need.....
Good luck...
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