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I don't know if he is playing mind games or not!

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 February 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 28 February 2010)
A age 30-35, * writes:

basically i met this guy in july.hers a description i found which basically sums him up because writing the whole story would be tooo long

The first few weeks or month is sheer bliss. This guy starts off real aggressive, hot and heavy. He can't see you often enough, calls all the time and declares his love for you early on. He's so romantic, thoughtful and attentive that you think you've hit the love jackpot and won. He woos you with promises of a happy future together, taking you to great hotspots, cooking you dinner, and being that great listener who wants to share your hopes and dreams.

this is what he was like. but within the 1st week i texted him saying no point seeing each other because you wont get what you want and he was like no babe please iam not in it just for that il wait forever i dont care about sex iam wait! etc

id been to his house 2/3 times and not once did he push for sex at all he couldve had sex with me so easily but he didnt. we just talked bit of dry sex which i encouraged but he seemed to be more interested in lying his head on my chest. and just kissing and affection and all that. hugs and stuff.talking.

i was naked at his bed another time and he did something to me but he made sure i was ok with it which i was i didnt do anything back and he so could have had sex with me but he didnt instead he just said kissed me on the head and said iam not going to make love to you yet. and we started off watching a dvd it was always me who encouraged the sexual stuff never him.

he left me in august and i txted and called him loads didnt hear from him til october and he said hey huni u ok iam so sorry he wanted to meet up and he was like youve gota kiss me though? and i was like no you just want sex you know i dont want too! and he said i know and i dont!. and i said you know its not becayse of you why i wont kiss you? and he said tel me why then and i told him becayse ive never kissed properly and iam uncomftable and ive not heard from him since.

but i really want him back should i go see him? what do you think he wanted? he couldve had sex with me but didnt? i didnt treat him very nicley btw thats why he left me coz i used to slap him all the time start arguments wwouldnt kiss him hes 25 iam 18. ive just always been left because of sex and iam insecure and stuff i want him back and i wana treat him right this time?

do you think hes worth it? people have told me hes just trying to control me and playing mind games by saying youve got to kiss me because i wouldnt before. iam just so confused i dont know what to believe or what hes like? what should i do please help! :(

View related questions: dry sex, insecure, kissing, text

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A female reader, followtheblackrabbit Cayman Islands +, writes (28 February 2010):

followtheblackrabbit agony auntWell, if you really want to confirm his feelings for you, then ok, try seeing him face to face. But, don't have any big expectations. Just go for the closure...If possible, have a friend drive you and wait in the car. And if he didn't text back after you said no to kissing, then I think he thinks that things wouldn't change if you guys got back together. So if you do see him face to face, pick a quiet place to talk if he agrees to have a conversation. If you want to change, tell him that and prove it too. I don't think he was lying to you, I think he did care.

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A female reader, followtheblackrabbit Cayman Islands +, writes (28 February 2010):

followtheblackrabbit agony auntHe does sound like a nice guy...and though I don't know much about this situation, it does not sound like he's playing mind games. You seem to have hurt him...slapping etc. And I don't think he understands your issue with kissing very well. He may have assumed that he makes you uncomfortable, and is hurt by that. Ask to see him, to talk face to face.

Don't text him this, call him up. Trust me, hearing your voice, your emotions, is better than a cold, electronic text. For the kissing, you could feel better about it through him too. I had problems with that and told my boyfriend. I asked him, "Baby, can you teach me how to kiss you?" And he did and later he told me it was the cutest, sweetest thing and that he enjoyed making the experience better for me. If you do get another chance, calm down a little. Don't be so paranoid. You said it yourself, he doesn't push you into sex so stop cramming your mind with those negative thoughts. You guys need to start from the beginning, and simply take time to know each other at a calmer rate. Nothing too intense. Hope this hels and good luck.

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