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I don't know how to let down my emotional barrier.

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Family, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 May 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 18 May 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hi so you're probably thinking how couhaveld trust issues with guys I'm too young or whatever. I've never had a boyfriend but I've seen those close to me being taken for a mug on a relationship including my mum. So now whenever I find myself getting close to a guy where we could soon be in a relationship I just sort of stuff my feelings to a dark pit in my heart and act like I'm not in love with him. I have feelings for a guy at the minute, I wouldn't say love but he's the only thing on my mind. We were together just the two of us and really got to know each other properly for a change with noone else around and my feelings just got deeper than before. There were times when we looked into each other's eyes and that could have been our moment, but I just broke the contact and carried on talking and I just can't help always doing that. I mean I've had my first kiss before but it was sloppy and meaningless, I haven't had a real one. The one thing I wanted with this guy on my mind was to just lean in and kiss him soo bad but I physically couldn't. We're both somewhat shy but "apparently" he appears to be interested. I just want to put my emotion barrier down and let him in but I don't know how...

View related questions: never had a boyfriend, shy

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (18 May 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntIt sounds like he really is a good guy, you ask who can be sure? Well the answer is nobody can be sure, because we can only see what others allow us to see off themselves. That's the thing in life we need to be able to take a chance on someone and hope for the best. If it goes wrong then we put it down to life experience.

The thing with being his friend is that yes it may be a good friendship but if you want more from him then having him as a friend will be difficult. Yes it does run the risk off losing that friendship if things don't work between you, that is where you need to decide what you want most, him as a friend or as a potential partner?

If you don't want to be blunt and tell him straight out that you like him that is okay. But you can show interest in other ways, plenty of eye contact, ask him questions about himself, joke with him, get to know him, ask him would he like to hang out ect. It shows that you are interested in him as a person.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thankyou Aunt Honesty your comment has helped me understand some things. He's a really sweet and caring guy, like the kind to give you their jacket in the rain and let the girl walk first through? the door. I'm almost 100% positive that he's a good guy, but who can be sure? Somebody close to me lost her virginity to a "good guy" who turned out to be an asshole x1000000. Not that this is about sex, I really like this guy and just want him. But I don't want to lose him as a friend. I can't tell if his behaviour is genuine niceness or signs that he's interested, because he is just a nice guy overall. I'm scared that if I've misread the signs and he's just being nice, then letting him know how I feel will ruin things. I've always had problems showing my emotions, I've always been the girl who waits to be alone in her room before bursting into tears and even self harming for a little while. So I'm incapable of showing when I'm crushing on or in love with a guy, and I don't know what I should do here that won't ruin things...

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (17 May 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYou have saw those closest to you be taking for a mug therefore you have saw how bad a guy can treat a girl. Therefore maybe you can pick up them signs when you are looking for a guy for yourself? This guy that you like has he showed signs that he is going to treat you like a mug? If not well then don't compare him to one.

It is a good step that you are taking the time to get to know each other, this will build up trust with you, and without you knowing it will lower your guard. You just need to learn to give this guy a chance. He has done nothing wrong. Trusting people can be difficult but in time you will learn to trust a guy.

It is okay to be shy and nervous, a lot of people are. Just take it slow and get to know him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2016):

Hi I to had trouble with trust and I have since let my barrier down and it is great so don't be afraid to let your's down and yes he might break your heart and that is apart of life but you will never know for sure until you take a chance

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