Hi, i just wanna ask someone here if you have this kind of experience. Im living with my bf. Yes i do love him and i think he love me too. But this everyday dealing with his i dont know how i can call it " sometimes he is fine, he is happy he is in the mood for a jokes. But most of the time he is like telling me, he has a heart problem, that he will die soon, he dont know if he is gonna wake up next day, then we were at doctor and doctor said he has no problem at all. He just need to exercise, welk everyone must do exercise, he is full of complaining in life, like he is not earning enough money, why he is not that rich, why others have more than him, while he got 4 degrees in school and he is actualy earning good money, we are actually not renting a house, in other words he has everything he need which other need to do credit so they can have it. What im trying to say it he is never been contented in anything. He complain fot everything, im trying my best to understand him but sometimes im having already stress with his all dramas and actions, sometimes he is crying like he is gonna die, i find it like emotional abuse. I feel it heavy on my shoulder already and im having too much stress on him already because of it. He is actualy ok when he is not in this mood of dramas, he is sweet, kind and he is also a responsible man. But in his shorts coming i dont know how to deal with it anymore. I try my best to find a right time to talk to him seriously about this but with him you can never start any conversation that will lead him to something that will hit him. He is very very super talkcative. He has always an answer to any discussion and he must be always the right one. Im having headache and stress with this already and i dont know anymore what to do. Maybe somebody here can give me some advice on how am i going to deal with it. Sometimes im just trying to ignore him like what his sister advice me to do. But living with someone 24/7 in this behaviour is not easy at all. Thank you all for thr help
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emotionally abusive, in the mood, money
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reader, WiseOwlE + ♥, writes (17 March 2019):I'll assume you're both in your 40's. You mentioned he complains a lot, and he tends to be moody. Chronic complainers never change. That's their personality. You can have all the talks and discussions you want about their complaining; but it will only add just another reason for them to complain. Then they'll accuse you of nagging and being critical.
You need to make yourself some friends, and be more independent. If you're always in each others company; you'll smother and crowd each other. You need some space, and you also need to be around other people. Not be his captive-audience; to sit and listen to him rant, rave, and complain.
When he gets moody; put distance between you. Simply find something to do that you find comforting and relaxing. Read, do crossword puzzles, join a gym; or visit with your family or girlfriends.
Get out of the house and give him some alone-time; so he can get on his own nerves, and not yours.
You're cramped-up together. You spend all your time with him; and he's too cranky and irritable to spend too much time around. He has a rotten attitude; so everything sucks, or nothing is good enough. People like that will turn your day gloomy. They will also suck all the light out of your soul!
He's a big man-baby, who wants everyone to listen to him be a whiner and a crybaby. He's bored and dissatisfied; because he's too lazy to do anything to get his mind off himself. Complaining is how he vents frustration; but he doesn't care if it gets on your nerves. You act like his mommy, doing every thing you can to stop his crying and tantrums. Just leave him all alone in the house!
If you're going to sit there and listen to it, don't you complain. He's lazy and ungrateful. Ungrateful people complain incessantly; and what they need is to lose everything they have, so they'll realize how blessed they were. That includes losing the person who really loves them; and will put-up with their bad-behavior. If you can't talk to him, what do you love so much? Love is getting a little hard to do isn't it?
He doesn't have any hobbies, or won't seek any fun activities as an outlet; so his complaining is how he kills idle-time. Stewing and brooding on his imaginary troubles. Always thinking of himself. If he keeps feigning or faking illnesses, he's going to suddenly get a real one. Heart-attacks are nothing to kid about! If he's lazy or a worry-wart; he increases his chances of heart-attack, high blood-pressure, and stroke.
You don't really need our advice. You have to sit there and take it until you can't stand it anymore; then you'll decide what to do.
Just sit there and take it; until he drives you nuts! You will either leave him, or kick him out!!! If you are financially-dependent on him; or your love is just too strong to leave that pain in the ass! Stay there! Nothing is going to change; and there is no way to change him!
Get yourself an expensive set of noise-proofing headphones. Put them on and listen to soothing music when he starts on his whining and complaining. Just block him out.
You still need to get some friends, and get out of the house. If he has any problem with that; tell him if he stops complaining so much, you'll spend more quality-time with him. If he complains, or gets moody; you're going to go out. Go watch TV in another room and leave him alone. He can't complain if there are no ears to irritate. He just wants too much attention. You've spoiled him by giving it to him. Get ear-plugs for when you're closed-up in the car with him; or earphones for your phone, to listen to music and drown him out! Or just simply tell him to shut-up!!!
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reader, BrownWolf + ♥, writes (14 March 2019):Hi OP,
BF means....boy "friend"...not husband. Boyfriends and girlfriends are only there to help us make the right decisions for marriage...LOVE has nothing to do with making a common sense decision. Such as...is he or she someone I want to marry.
We fall in love with people with bad habits, and bad attitudes. Somehow we think if we stick around long enough, we can change them into the person we want.
Some people see their faults and want to change. Others are blind to their own foolishness, and will never change. But guess who can change???? You...because if you loved yourself, you would not put yourself through this. If the person you are with is bringing you down all the time, how much further down do you have to go before you say enough???
If you were married, and something happened to your husband to make him behave this way, I would say stick it out, and figure it out together. But in this chase, you have no commitment as in marrage. You simple have two common sense choices to make...is he right for you, or wrong??? Are you ready for ten more years of this?? Or should find your own happiness before it's too late?
You maybe afraid to be alone. But living a miserable life waiting for someone to "maybe" change their ways...I would rather be alone and happy.
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