A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how to break down the "wall" between myself and my boyfriend, at least I still hope he is mine. Last night he initiated "the talk" but I tried to put off any break up until we really understand each other better. He said he hasn't been feeling "it" lately,and I think it is partly my fault.But HIS too. Years ago he had a secret affair and ever since, part of me is always holding back and afraid. I am finally starting to heal, but now this.HELP!!! We are not young, and our relationship is perfectly divine and has great depth in every dimension except sex since his cheating (before that is was great!). I know we can get past our current nadir, but don't know what to do. If I just go away it would be bad because one of his problems is getting from A to B and this is the crux.I think he went with the other girl because she was thrown into his lap, more or less! and it was easier to have a fling with her than to go to B with me.I feel I must be strong, yet attraction often comes with what is unavailable. How can i move him to B with these doubts in myself? Also attract and motivate him. There can never be total perfection inmarriage, it always involves small steps taken awayfrom absorption in self. I think we have the goods with some growth on both our parts. Enough for a lifetime. But what do I do? Please send advice!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): I guess I worded my question wrong -- this is the original writer, because i think Sage's reply is the meanest, most
insulting reply I have ever read in my life!
This man means EVERYTHING to me - our relationship has levels of richness and emotional intimacy that others oly dream of! I ADORE him beyond all other men. He has helped me in countless ways, and I have supported him with every fiber of my being. In a way, it is too good, and that's why he can't see the forest for the trees.
I would rather die than lose him.
A
female
reader, MoonLux +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I'm with Sage. Seems like you need a change, so just go for it. Whether it goes left, right, up or down, from what you wrote, it seems like you're not really enjoying it anyway.
If you guys let each other go, at least you don't invest anymore time and you may learn a thing or two about yourself. If you stay, you can't hold the affair over his head because that's a messed up basis for going on with the relationship.
Whatever happens, wish you all the best.
xoxo!
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