A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem, my boyfriend and I have been dating a year. Lately, we have been having problems, most start off as little tiffs that escalate to huge blow outs. I'm tired of it and I know he is too. But, I don't know what to do about it or how to talk to him. We both deal with anger and hurt different ways, so we don't clearly understand how the other processes these situations and emotions. I'm the let's confront now and talk it out to some sort of resolution person and he is the give me time to cool off and work it out in my head first person. But, it seems like by the time he's ready to talk, he's over the whole situation and I'm not at all. I feel horrible and been left to linger and have emotion build so, of course a blow out follows cuz he feels like we're talking about a moot and redundant point and I'm just full of frustration and hurt that's been left to sit. I don't know how to confront the small main problems and calmly talk them out. Because I don't want to lose or destroy a great relationship over petty and dumb things. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, OliviaAna +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Talk....wether he wants to hear it or not. He's fine...you're not. You can't communicate your feelings if you don't talk. You can look for it all to get worse if you don't communicate your feelings to him.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 When one of the members of any pair (couple, work, whatever) refuses to face problems and solve them, problems only accumulate and escalate. A person who really wanted things solved would see it this way and would deal with problems, but he doesn't.
I have the hunch that most of the problems have you as the loser and he as the winner. In my experience, people don't refuse to talk if they are to win something.
So this sounds to me like his way to tell you to suck it up.
Sorry, but this doesn't sound like a great relationship to me. He doesn't listen to you.
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