A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay the basic details are this:I'm 20 and at university and have just started my second year. Half way through the first year I met this girl and from the moment I saw her I thought she was stunning. I got talking to her and her personality was 10/10. She's funny, hard working, smart etc. To make things easier from now on I'll refer to her as Sarah.I used to be really awkward around girls when I was in my mid teens and always used to go in to what is known by many as "The Friend Zone". When I hit 18 though I started to become a bit of a ladies man and have ended up getting a reputation around my year at uni for being a flirt - not meaning to sound too big headed but an example of how good I am is how at a halloween party last year (before I met the girl who I fancy now) a girl literally hated me at the start but by the end of the night I went back to hers and slept with her.When I'm around Sarah though I kinda revert back to how I used to be around girls. I mean I'm not socially retarded around her but I'm by no means by usual confident flirty charming self unless I've had a few drinks...and even then I'm more confident flirty then confident charming.When I first met her though she made a point that her and her bf were really close and that she didn't even hug guys or anything so initially I didn't try to do anything about her.Eventually summer break rolled around and I ended up missing her loads but didn't know what to do about it. We all started back at uni in September and since then I've decided to try and be a bit of a douche and just see what happens.We used to go out a lot and we used to buy eachother drinks, there was some casual flirting and touching, lots of texting, some intimate hugging (some of which was caught on camera which I'll talk about in a second) and a few people even thought we were a couple on the odd occasion.This has all since changed though because her bf saw one of the pictures of us on facebook looking pretty close to eachother and from what I hear from her housemates he's not a happy bunny. He came out with us one night and even though I am usually a cheeky flirty guy with about every girl (just for a laugh) I genuinely held back around her and didn't flirt in the slightest but her bf apparently had a word with her after and told her I must fancy her. She wasn't awkward around or anything the day after though and her housemate just said she shrugged it off - which is completely opposite to how she usually reacts when she finds out guys who she doesnt fancy fancy her.From what she's told me they get on really well when they're not actually face to face and they're just texting eachother but when he comes over in the weekend they fight a lot. Apparently thats just how they've always been with eachother so it's not even like they're fighting about me.Sometimes she says things that make me think shes unhappy with him but a couple of nights ago I went around to hers with her housemates. Both her housemates know I fancy her so randomly started going on about her bf. They literally all talked for about 40 odd minutes while I just sat there listening. They covered good things about him and bad things and my general impression from what she said is that she loves him (which tbh made me sad) because he spoils her.From a third person perspective though I don't understand why though. She doesn't seem like the shallow materialistic type of person but from what she said last night it seems the only reason she "loves" him is because he get's her presents when he comes over every other weekend.I honestly don't know what to do about it all. We both seem to get on REALLY well but she also seems happy with her bf and I dont want to upset her if she really feels like she loves him.At the same time though I know I can give her exactly the same plus so much more PLUS we get on really well when we are face to face (which is definitely more then her and her bf).I hope all of this makes sense and it's not too long but I desperately need ideas for what to do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): there will always be grass greener in the next paddock. There will always be people who are already in a relationship but who others feel attracted to. There will always be people we cant have. Welcome to the real world. She is in a relationship. Until she breaks up with him she is off limits to you. Be honorable, not disreputable. Starting a relationship via cheating and causing a breakup is no way to start a new relationship.
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