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I don't have trust in my wife.

Tagged as: Cheating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 November 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 5 November 2007)
A male United States age 41-50, *crewedude writes:

My wife for 13 yr started an emotional affair w/ co worker. When I found out we had a very huge fight and I verbally said bad words to her. We went to see a pastor and was able to fix almost everything and was being told to stop any form of calling, texted or meeting w/ the guy beyond there work. Her friends also asked the guy to leave my wife alone.We became OK for the past 2 weeks until I found out that she still keeps in calling the guy every morning and in 2 occasions my calls will come in between there conversation. Also able to retrieve there email and really make me feel devastated. That night my wife admit that she makes mistake into hiding it but she told me she's afraid I get mad when I found out.

The next day when she arrive home she already in the fighting mode very opposite to her reaction since last night. Then she put Divorce in the table. I called her Dad but she refused to speak to any of her relarives. I also able to meet the guy and he gaves me all this BS thing that my wife loves me so much and I should hang on in there while he will find a way to fix all things back. Full of BS.

Now we're still staying in the same house and only talked when it involves our 3 kids.

My wife still continue her liason w/ the guy and still insist that they are just friends and a very good confidante. I gave my wife a book of Joel Osteen last week while she bought one for herself. But it just ended up in giving her book to her special friends birthday. It really devastaed me.

Yesterday I have this chance to talk to her and tell her that "I LOVE HER SO I WILL LET HER GO" Its one of the hardest phrase I ever said. Now I really want to move on and forget everything but its hard for me. I've already lost 35lbs for 6 weeks. She told me that she was keeping a score card and I already hurt her so much since then. But my question is "Why now?" Because you have this newly divorced friend of yours?

She keep on crying and said she already feed up w/ me but I told her I really asssume everything is ok since I think we are happy. Everytime we make love you keep gaving me re assurance of love and sacrifice and we did it 3 times the last night I caught them.

Right now I really dont have any Trust w/ my wife and I know she feels it. I just to have her back but my anger start to kick in and want her to let go.

Please help me, I need some advice on what to do.

View related questions: affair, co-worker, divorce, move on, text

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A male reader, gotscrewed United States +, writes (5 November 2007):

thanks for the response.

last friday when we were able to talked, she told me that if i really love her i should have gave her respect and wont hurt her. thats when i said she got a score card for many years. she wont even touch or talked about the real issue w/c is her having an emotional affair w/ a co worker.

right now she still keep on calling the guy and probably met him coz she enjoy her new found freedom.

when we talked she told me to keep like this for quite sometime until the kids can adjust but i believe she just using me so she can still continue w/ her lifestyle.

i also told her that i'm planning to move on and actually move out of this state if possible.

she asked what can he do to her job and responsibility w/ the kids? i told her thats some of the price she have to pay for wishing to be alone and live by herself.

deep inside i'm still hoping that she will chance her decision and asked her to come w/ me to theraphy not for the reason that we can repair our replationship but for me to heal and move on. she told me she might come if she had time contrary to her previous decision not to meet a therapist or counsellor.

i dont know what to do now if i need to move sooner to a new apartment.

by the way will be having a family vacation by thanksgiving and she paid half of it.

i'm really hurting and it really affect my job and everything.

pls advice.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (3 November 2007):

rcn agony auntFirst, how does this guy consider himself at all qualified to fix anything. The only way for him to fix it is "I don't want to interfere with your marriage, so don't contact me." Your right when you say he's full of BS.

The pastor is correct. In order for anything to work, she has to cut her ties to him. Going to the pastor, is it you who's religious or her or both, but with her behavior I'd have a hard time believing if it was both of you.

If you're going to stay with her. It's time to set the boundaries of your relationship. What behaviors both of you are willing to accept, and they need to be firm. Having any kind of affair needs to be eliminated.

I'm not married, but I have a simple rule raising my children. If I can't discuss what I'm doing with my kids than it probably isn't something I should be doing in the first place. I also don't have a separate way of being outside my home as I do inside my home. I present myself with the same level of integrity and character when dealing with my home life as I do with my professional life.

No matter how this works out for you. She's going to have a hard time finding someone like you. The comment you told her "I love you, so I'll let you go." That's an act of selfless love, and for all the girls who may read this they know it as "TRUE LOVE". To put her happiness before your own. Someone asked on a question not long ago, does true love exist, or is it a myth. Well if they read this, you've answered that question with the love you have for your wife.

I hope everything works out for you. Take care.

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