A
female
age
36-40,
*mandalee
writes:Hey there,I feel i've lost myself! I've been in this relationship for almost 3 years and until this year i feel like i've change for the worst.I love my boyfriend very much and we plan to get married one day. I think i've become very controlling. when my boyfriend tells me his going out with his friends i immediately get angry at him and tell him to hang out with me. I feel i call him more than enough a day, I'm always thinking his cheating on me when his out there,sometimes i check his phone because i feel so insecure. when he cant hang out with me i get really angry. Sometimes i feel so bad because i feel i'm depending too much on him and i also i hate the fact that he has a life outside our relationship and i dont. I want to find myself. i cant carry on like this. I dont want to be this person. i want to have a life of my own outside our relationship. I dont want to lose myself...i really dont. please help. urgently. please its not healthy and i plan to work on it but i just dont know how.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Shipwreckd  +, writes (15 September 2008):
 Have you been cheated on before? If yes, then that's a likely answer for what you're feeling now.
Let's tell you what will happen.
a) You'll do nothing, and leave whatever past issues that are causing this unaddressed. Eventually, he'll get sick of being so controlled and leave you.
b) You'll figure out that you can't be so controlling, figure out answers to whatever has happened to you in the past (I'd start with whoever you felt abondoned you first in your life...like a parental figure,) and address them. Start trusting your boyfriend, stop being so damned insecure, and live happily ever after...or as close as you can to that.
I'm sure you're a very beautiful woman. You can do better for yourself and for this man you care about. Part of being in love is trusting even though sometimes it may feel like you should be fighting it. Your man cannot live happily with you if you are suffocating him.
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