A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i always feel really uncomfortable with my boyfriend spending time alone with his one close girl friend. i know some ppl will think im being paranoid, but please hear me out. i never put my bf in that situation where he feels jealous/insecure about me being alone with another guy. it seems like i constantly have to tell him, 'hey, its not cool you're going out with her alone when you don't like me hanging out with another guy alone'. and the thing is, this girl has TONS of her own friends she can hang out with but she keeps asking my boyfriend. and these things include picnics and watching romance movies. im so frustrated because i feel like yelling it to him till he gets it. he doesn't understand how i feel because i never go out with a guy alone, mostly because i hang out more with my girlfriends and because when a guy asks, i end up turning them down. am i the only person who feels insecure about this?? i don't understand his logic and how he doesn't understand that this upsets me.
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (6 October 2009):
 I actually went through the exact same thing in the relationship I'm in right now. One of his friends is a real whore, and then she would call him three times a night when I was visiting him. And then he stayed at her house until the wee hours of the morning playing video games. Stupid little things like that, and I finally came out and said that I didn't feel comfortable with where that was heading. You know what he did? He stopped hanging out with her. He realized I felt really uncomfortable with things with a few good reasons. I have quite a few guy friends, but none of them really crossed that line. And if they did, I stopped being friends with them. Period. So I think he had to follow suit, because I paid him the same respects and ended friendships that might make him uncomfortable.
Anyway, the moral of the story? Are you telling him that you don't like what he is doing? Do you really have any grounds for your mistrust? It sounds like you don't really trust him. Is he just seeing movies with her? Or staying the night over there? Is he always calling her and all this other stuff? If he's still seeing this girl, you have to know that if he isn't stopping now because you asked him, he won't ever in the future. That's something you have to ask yourself if you're ok to deal with. You can't change someone. And in the future, I would just spend alone time with guy friends if he isn't going to change his own behavior. If he doesn't respect your requests, then forget about his comfort too. Just go out and have fun!
Either way though, if he's still continuing these visits even with you saying something, he's not going to stop. If you can't accept that, then maybe it's time to move on. Relationships aren't anything without trust. I think it's kind of crappy that he isn't listening to your feelings, but he expects you to not hang out with guys.
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