A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there,I've been dating a guy for about two years now, and we've been engaged for one year and a few months. We were very happy when we first met each other and continued to be happy for the first year; however, now that I'm in college for my second year, I really do not know if I made the right decision in saying 'yes' when he popped the question. I've lost all sexual attraction for him, mainly due to a lot of fights that we've had in bed or otherwise. I'm not sure what to really do, or why I'm even emailing this to a stranger, but seeing as how my friends would probably just tell him what I sent, I guess anonymous is the way to go. I know that he loves me with every fiber of his being, and I love him too! Don't get me wrong, I'd lay down my life for him or take a bullet for him any day. However, I just don't feel the same passion I used to. I feel nothing, zilch attraction.. and as a 20 year old guy, something is obviously a bit off with that picture. The fights that we've had have been about times that I felt like he was trying to control me either in bed or in my life. I've always been very independent and valued that above all else. Am I just not the long term relationship type? Am I too independent to commit? Another problem I may have: Brandon (the fiancé in question) has become a huge member of my family-- my parents love him like their own son and I have no idea how that would change my relationship with my parents. I'm sure that plenty of other people have gone through this, but I have no idea how to handle a break up in such a serious relationship. Brandon and I have talked about how unhappy I am in the relationship, and he really is trying to make me happy... I just don't think that I want in it anymore. Any advice?-- Brian
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 your very young and at this stage breakups are inevitable. if you want to leave explain to him that you want to leave but that you will stay friends but you need time for things to settle down. if you dont have any attraction for him after two years things aren't gonna last, especially if what is turning you off is rows because of aspects of his personality.
A
female
reader, spiderweb  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 That's the reason for dating and an engagement. To see whether our feelings for someone are lasting, @the real thing" and whether we can stay in a marriage for the long haul. Sometimes we find out that we don't love the person after all, and sad as that is, it's time to say goodbye. Your parents may love Brandon, but they don't have to lie with him. Sounds like it's over from your side and there is nothing much that he can do to change it. Be kind to him, but end it and move on. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 August 2010):
 Oh Brian, your a gay guy ready to commit at a young age what a rarity! But then again your not, and that's normal most gay guys I know of all ages can't commit or if they are committed and live in a state where it's not legal to marry they still keep a few guys on the side. I don't think gay guys can fully commit, and there's just too many options out there. It's like a kid in a candy shop they want the Sour Patch kids gummy worms and the Swedish fish. If your having doubts and lost that chemistry, sexual attraction then your best bet is to be honest. Tell him you're a little young to be tied done and you would like to explore other options. He can't make you happy you're the only one who can fix that.
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A
female
reader, SueZ  +, writes (24 August 2010):
Well, Brian, this must be very hard. I can see you care very deeply for Brandon. He has become a big part of your life. He is obviously caring and loving. IT is easy to see all these wonderful things, but it is also obvious that you are not attracted to him anymore.
Well, lust does fade, but usually leaves attraction. I have been married 8 years and I am no longer in lust with my husband, but I am attracted to him.
You are quite young, and going off to college. This is a time where people grow, experiment, find out who they really are. It seems to me that it would be a good time to say you are too young and not sure who you are, and that you want some time to discover yourself.... ask for a break. I think it will hurt. Yes. But no more than staying together when you know you yearn for something else... you at the very least yearn to discover... to be young and free.
Please please please be kind when you tell him. Remind him how incredibly special he is to you, but let him know you need space and time to grow.
I hope this helps. Good luck Brian.
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A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (24 August 2010):
 I congratulate you Brian for being anonymous.
I wouldn't worry about your family. In the end they only want to see you happy, if you come to them and tell them that you are not happy with Brandon, and you are not willing to spend your future being unhappy, they will understand. You might go through some disaproval talks, becuase usually if parents like your partner they tend to take their side over their own children, I don't know why. But in the end they will be ok.
Just be true to your feelings. If you are not happy and it's about you and not Brandon, then let Brandon find someone else who will be happy with him.
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