A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now the problem is he has no sex drive whatsoever I'm lucky if it happens once a week at first it wasn't great but was more regular than now he always stares at other women He tells me he likes blondes who look like a Barbie doll I'm brunette I feel like I'm not enough for him anymore he never shows me any affection or tells me he loves me.I had to ask him why he never tells me he loves me his response was I don't think to say it.Any ideas what I can do I don't want us to split up as I do love him but I just don't think I can carry on living like this thank you
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 July 2016):
 I have to say OP, I agree with WiseOwlE here,
I think you are more hung up and not rocking the boat and settling with this man, because dumping him scares you.
There is no fix with the guy as far as libido. IF he isn't interested in sex much, doesn't BOTHER to tell you he loves you every now and then and his preference in women are women who don't look like you... WHAT is there to stay for? All you are going to end up with is a emotional and sexual dry-spell for as long as you stick it out with him.
You are in your 30's so in "peak performance" and libido, you should not be "begging" for crumbs. Seems to me that you two are not all that compatible in SEVERAL areas.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2016): Maybe it is time to breakup and move on. It never crosses his mind to tell you he loves you, he's looking at other women, he told you he likes women who don't look like you but...
"I don't want us to split up as I do love him but I just don't think I can carry on living like this"
Tell me, what's there to love? You're settling, and have resolved yourself to believe he's better than no man at all. Excuse me! That's exactly what you're getting. Nothing! No affection, no sex, and he prefers phony-looking blonde barbie doll types. And you feel there's something wrong with you?
Seriously?!!
What does he look like? If he was standing in a line-up next to 9 good-looking men, and you didn't know him. Would you choose him? Is he even good-looking? Is he so hot he can tell you to your face he prefers women who don't look like you? Is he hot enough to get a barbie doll blonde?
You're putting up with a guy; because you are afraid of having to start over from scratch. Scared to be without a man, so you hang-on to someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings.
So you're stuck with a dud, watching yourself grow older and past your prime. He's just got someone to wash his clothes, cook his meals, clean his house, and put-up with his crap. A live-in maid. I hope he makes good money. Surely he compensates in some way? He pays all the bills?
Is he really worth keeping? I challenge you to give us 10 solid reasons you should keep him. You've given him 3 years of your life. What's there to look forward to? What do you see for yourself in another 2 years? Think long and hard about it. The challenge is for real, by the way. Give us 10 reasons to keep him.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (9 July 2016):
 First thing that comes to mind is PORN or too much perhaps. Time and time again I have read how porn addiction has become the virtual other woman slowly replacing the real one. So I would maybe start to investigate there. Second, there is the medical/psychological side of things that could be the problem. So what to do? Talk to him. Tell him what you have told us "I don't want to split up as I do love you but I just don't think I can carry on living like this" See where that leads and take it from there. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2016): You say you don't want to split up but you don't mention the good parts about him that make you feel like you don't want to split up.There isn't much you can do about him preferring the barbie doll look which makes me wonder why he chose you if he prefers something else. Honestly I don't think any man would stay with somebody for this long if he didn't like you or wasn't attracted to you.All I can say is that there are lots of people out there who like brunettes or don't have such a rigid approach to what they find attractive. When I think of the people I'm attracted to they come in all shapes and sizes, it's a little boring if he just has blinkers on when there are so many beautiful people out there who don't fit that mould. Instead of worrying about making him find you attractive and trying to live up to what he wants why don't you have a good think about what YOU want. Would you prefer a man who is in to you and makes you feel special, a man who's good in bed and wants to please you? Life is short so why settle for somebody who clearly isn't making much of an effort with you, so don't be wasting your time turning yourself into something you are not. Frankly he's a bit of a let down at the end of the day so go get somebody who makes you feel good :)Unless he has all these other amazing points that you've failed to mention I don't see why you should stick with somebody who makes you feel unwanted.
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