A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been really upset with my fiancé since two weekends ago, i am really particular about my personal space and he knows that, as a young child i had to share a room with my brothers while living in an extended family household, my parents built a new house that we moved into with all of us having our own room. Here is what happened, i now live with my fiancé we are getting married soon we have a son together presently work is being done on the rest of the rooms so we only have one bedroom at this time, his neice came to visit two weekends ago even though i informed him of her disrespectful behaviour on each of her previous visits, things such as using my phone without asking to call boys of course while using all my credit hiding my phone while looked for it like a fool, digging in my personal items, interfering with things i specifically tell her not to and she does it boldly, she took money out of my purse, she doesnt clean up after herself, she is 14 by the way, just to name a few. on this last visit he didnt tell me, which most time he usually doesnt upfront, it was poor timing just as all the other times. It was the weekend before school reopens, i thought we would have the weekend to our selves but instead he asks me to stay at my mom for the weekend while i had plan to get what i needed to get done for school over the weekend and relax (i also have a daughter who goes to school). We had a discussion about it i told him how disgusted and how disrespected i felt especially since it is always the poor timing like when i just give birth and home from the hospital he decides to bring her over along with her younger sisters which just made me sick, for mothers day i went to church my baby wasnt born yet and my daughter was out for the weekend i thought we would have a quiet afternoon insted after reaching home from church i find all 5 of them in the house, i was pissed, what really pisses me off is that he hasnt done anything to try to fix the problem she creates, and especially since they partially share our room to change etc sometimes sleep, while he sleeps on the couch it is quite uncomfortable for me, i always thought when you go to peoples house you behave yourself. he says i overreacted, did i.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 September 2014):
 You are not over reacting ! It's your bf who is under reacting- how can he be Ok with the girl taking money from your purse, or using up your phone credit withot asking you first ? That's stealing ! Just because the thief is a relative of his, it does not mean that stealing is Ok and you should be fine with it !
It's also rude and inconsiderate of him to ambush you with last minute visitors without even warning you, let alone consulting you.
This is one of those things about which couples need to negotiate and set specific rules well in advance- I understand that a man does not want to feel like he needs a written petition before inviting friends in his home- but, it's not his home only , it's yours too. You live there too, and you have to be at least SOMEWHAT comfortable with time, number and frequency of the visits.
Sorry but the way he is handling this is not just inconsiderate, is overbearing and spells trouble for thr future. Straighten this out and agree upon certain mutually acceptable rules BEFORE you get married, or you'll just see things going worse and worse.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 September 2014):
 No you didn't overreact. She was a thief so she shouldn't be allowed back anymore. There is a family issue here which your fiance has to straighten out with his sibling. I don't care if the girls are homeless or their parents can't keep them. If they don't behave then they have to be out. You have more say to this since your parents built the house, and your fiance is lucky he can live there. You need time to rest since you have to breast feed at night. Your fiance is inconsiderate.
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A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (12 September 2014):
Your fiance obviously has not taken notice of his niece's behavior or he most likely does not care. These are core values which if it is a problem now, will not change, and will only become worse to the extent that you will become the enemy of the family. If your fiance does not talk to or control her, then she will do whatever she wants. At the same time, it might be actually too much to ask for such personal space given whatever family bonds allow the girls to come over. It might be wise to reconsider the living arrangements if your fiance can not control the situation. While she is a problem, I see you fiance's lack of sight as a bigger problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2014): No you haven't over reacted in my opinion. I think if he's going to have family over then he needs to enforce boundaries and rules, otherwise they are not welcome. It is not just his home and therefore he can't just being people over without you also being involved in the decision - because he should be fully aware how this makes you feel.
The girl sounds like a royal pain in the arse. She has stolen from you, that alone should've meant your fiancé told her that until she can apologise and behave herself then she is no longer welcome.
You just have to see if he is going to actually step up and support you or whether you can live with this.
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