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I do not know whether to help him knock out this fetish or be tolerant about it, as it makes me feel inadequate?

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Question - (29 December 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 December 2007)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have a boyfriend whom I adore to death and back, and we're sharing an issue.

He is very much a T and A man. As yes, I realize a lot fo men are into tits and ass, but to him it's a preference that even he is ASHAMED of.

He doesn't like them c or D big - he likes them Rachel Aldana big. (For those at work: Rachel Aldana currently holds the world's largest natural cup size at 34 JJ. The things are size of Volkswagens.) My boy fantasizes about women who have breasts larger than their upper torso. Comedy big. Cartoon big. Unrealistically big.

He feels really ashamed of it, which is interesting - he feels it is not normal that he would have a girl with a chest that big. He does love me and my rather unremarkable C Cup, but he can't help finding a bigger chest so alluring.

I feel personally that he is a healthy male, and as long as he doesn't pressure me into any change I am fine. And while I think he is trying to believe that - He has expressed shame, but at the same time, it's not something that dominates his preferences in ALL women. It's more of a fetish than a standard at this point.

My issue: I do not know whether to help him knock this fetish out of him (He feels that for him to have any sort of expectation is very unnatural on any women, but he can't help loving such huge breasts at the same time.) or letting him just have it, and make sure it doesn't interfere with our relationship.

He's a very smart man, and very honest with me - it takes a lot for a man to even admit that his fantasy standards aren't reality, but be honest enough to tell me that he does love huge, comic-bookesqe tits.

My own issues with this lie in my insecurity - letting him have his fetish means I will always feel inadequate to him.

I am not really looking for answers in so much as a different point of view or any thoughts on the matter.

Thank you for your time!

View related questions: at work, breasts

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007):

What are you feeling inadequate for? Stop allowing yourself to be victimized by his fetish. I agree with Ryan, a fetish in a relationship that makes you feel unsettled is very unfair to you. He knows this full well, himself-thus his feelings of shame. So rather than focusing on your own breast size, realize just what you do have. Give yourself credit for bringing so much more into this relationship than the size of your breasts. I am talking about the other aspects of your relationship? All relationships need time to grow into a deepening love, over time. Your generosity, your intellect, your goals in life, hobbies, interests, your spirituality, your compassion, your thoughts and opinions are about all other facets of life...everything that encompasses how truely remarkable you are, as a person. Building a solid relationship based on trust and respect, is important. You cannot, miraculously wipe out his thinking processes. Knowing that he has this fetish, plainly has you unerved and that may cause further resentment in you. Quick question--Does his fetish interfere with your sexual relationship--is 'off' with you? If so, then you need to re-evaluate here. My point is it's wonderful in a love relationship and to be adored, desired and loved but it can be an empty feeling, unless you're being wanted for you, not for some false ideal of you (this vision of you or some porn star with gigantic, unsightly huge breasts) If he's feeling shame, then there is not much you can do to get this 'fetish' out of him. And it sounds like he wants to be rid of it. But he'll have to get there all on his own. If this relationship is still fairly new and building momentum, I say ride this out...for now. As your relationship builds into something more deeper, his 'fetish' may just end up, going away, all on it's own. With deep love and respect for you-he may come to understand that there is much more to a committed, healthy relationship than the size of a women's breasts. So..be strong and don't feel inadequate, do not allow his fetish, to consume your sense of worthiness. You do have a lot more to bring to the table here, hun. Maybe, you just don't realize it, yet. This is where self-love and confidence must come into a relationship here, especially on your part. If over time, he can't let go of it and you find yourself more unhappy as a result...do not hesitate. Move on...no relationship is worth your pride and dignity. Healthy, love relationships should always,always build us up...never take us down.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007):

Let me tell you, in no uncertain terms, you are definitely not inadequate! A 'C' cup is to most normal men about as good as it gets. And as for 'JJ's' - that doesn't bear thinking about! Just imagine the sweaty stinking 'Athletes Tit Gunge' underneath them if he were to lift them up. UGH!

If you need to make him see how his fetish is affecting you, you could try starting a fetish of your own - like becoming hooked on the sight of black men endowed with 12" and see how he likes it.

Phil

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A male reader, dc.ryan United Kingdom +, writes (29 December 2007):

dc.ryan agony auntHello,

Nothing is right if its making you feel unhappy and has made you resort to asking for advice from other people. Although you have to respects his opinions, feelings and sexual desires - it still isn't fair on you if you are feeling upset about his fetish.

It is seriously important to talk to your partner about this, even if you have already approached him - you need to explain to him how its been making you feel (inadequate etc) and that you find it upsetting. At the same time, you need to show sympathy for him (as you said he was ashamed of it) - and offer your support.

Sexual desires are probably very hard to shift, but you've got to distract him from these - but perhaps introducing something new into your sexual relationship, see if you can develop upon something he already enjoys about you - and make him really see the advantages of chasing you as a sexual partner other than women with stupidly large breasts.

This is truely a very hard question, but I'm a very true believer in communication (with any relationship) and if its upsetting you, you should definately not put up with it - as I think its one of those things you would always feel affected by, and wouldn't learn how to live by it.

Ryan

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007):

lol...funny you ask even i like boobs alot..and basically ure bf will have to get used to ure c cups (there huge) and well his not gunna find people like that big unless there unnatural...but if he really lives you to death this boob business is trivial...because youre unique personality's will overcome it...

hope it helps

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