A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been dating this guy for the last 5 months and I really love and care about him.Last month, I discovered that my boyfriend has been visiting a known cruising place, a place where guys meet to have anonymous sex. I know he had been there a dozen times for the three months prior to my discovery. I am OK with him being there BEFORE we started our relationship, but not after.Well, I confronted him with the facts and he denied being there. Only after I showed him irrefutable proof, he actually admitted it, but he told me he didn’t attend it for sex. He said he was looking to find someone he met there to have a chat and resolve some pending issues. He came over to my place, cried his eyes off and told me he never cheated on me. He said that he never told me about it because he knew I would get jealous and he didn’t want me to get hurt about this nonsense.I am trying to get over this matter, but it keeps coming back to my mind and I am having a hard time putting all this behind.To add to the situation, a week ago I found out that he has a profile on Gaydar. He never said anything to me about this. His profile states that he’s searching for sex, group sex, friendship and ‘other activities’. I’ve been monitoring it and I know he visits this site religiously every day.I really like him and care about him, but all this is getting me very frustrated and is destroying any trust that I might still have in him. Help, I don’t know what to do.
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cheated on me, jealous Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (12 March 2007):
 Well done you,
You will no doubt, go on to someone better. What you did takes a lot of courage.
You will be OK XXXX
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your advice and support. Well, I finally dumped him. I did it yesterday. I gave him a chance even though all of you said otherwise.The drop that made the glass overflow happenned yesterday. I travel a lot on business and I hadn't been with him last weekend. I also wouldn't be able to be with him next weekend, so I thought that both of us would the the most to be together this Friday and Saturday evening.Yesterday, about 7PM in the evening I received a text from him which read: 'I'm in a meeting. I am going to the gym after this and then I'm going out with a friend."My reply said: "Well, in that case see you tomorrow... Better saying, see you someday soon, cause I'm fed up. You don't care about the people that love you and I can't stand this anymore. Goodbye. PS. Loved your profile on Gaydar."I don't want to see him anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your feedback. I just want to clear up that my question relates to a gay relationship. From some of your answers, it is clear that this fact wasn't evident. I am a male and so is my partner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Sorry to say but you should finish with him straight away, it is obvious what he's up to, I could not bear to be anywhere near him and not because he's a closet gay, but because of the lies and after only 5 months. You will be better off without him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007):
How did you "find out" he was on gaydar- more like you were snooping. Anyway he soun bi and promiscuious- up to you if you want that.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (22 February 2007):
Hi,
I think he is obviously in denial.He might not be able to face people finding out. If its any consulation, he probably feels worse than you.
I know it will be hard for you, but you have to face facts. He has lied to you to cover himself, and he is on a gay site. I would highly suspect he is gay.
If you can except this you could help him, so that he no longer has to lie, about all the stuff he is doing.
If you cant do this ,(and who could blame you), you really have no option than to finish with him, and tell him you cannot cope with it all.
You cant go on ignoring something so obvious. You will end up torturing and blaming yourself, and its not your fault.
Things like this happen to the best of people.
Be strong and let him go XXX
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A
female
reader, xSpacexDementiax +, writes (22 February 2007):
 That all sounds very suspect to me.Personally I wouldn't believe him. It depends on you as a person as to whether you want to stay with him, but just remember DO NOT LET ANYONE TREAT YOU LIKE A FOOL!!!!! As Askeve said, the first thing is bad enough without the Gayday profile as well.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (22 February 2007):
 He lied to you continually telling you he didn't frequent that place. He would have continued to lie to you had you not shown him the proof you had. Now he's saying he didn't go there for sex! Hmmmmmmm.
Okay, so we give him the benefit of the doubt here. Next thing you find out he has a profile saying he's searching for sex, group sex and "other activities!!!!" Hmmmmmmm.
I wouldn't trust him with a ten foot barge pole love! I'd get shot of him and move on and find someone you CAN trust. I personally think he's lying through his teeth!
Eve
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