New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login226275 questions, 983997 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

I didn't do anything wrong. My girlfriend says she just doesn't feel the same...

Tagged as: Breaking up, Faded love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 November 2005) 52 Answers - (Newest, 18 November 2013)
A male , *eil_cant_breathe_ocd writes:

My girlfriend doesn't want me anymore. I didn't do anything bad. She just doesn't feel the same anymore.

I'm having a hard time letting here go. In fact, I don't want to let go of her. It feels so hard for me. I really want to be with her. I just love her so much. I don't want to let go. What can I do to fix this relationship?

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A male reader, carefully77 United States +, writes (18 November 2013):

An angle that nobody has mentioned..

There's a lot of good advice and support on this page so I don't need to mention all the things that a person could do to try to get a 'Great' Love Back...

But understand this.. women (specially the most beautiful) take/receive advances from men all the time... and sometimes numerous- from many diff men in a single day...

Many of those advances are from men who have an intoxicating attraction..

So with the above said and kept in mind.. if a women is in a relationship (happy or not happy... in love or not in love... and/or has love for you or doesn't have as much love for you) and makes the mistake to act on an advance from another man and it leads to sex... then she more or less instantly looses what she once had for you.. which is that 'in love' feeling.. or the amount of love she once felt for you.. and/or even the feeling to forget about it and keep moving forward with you (in life)..

If infidelity did take place ... She is (sort of or not) in an in between place with herself where as she's confused on what she should do.. still loves you but has found a new love ... it's very confusing for a woman (men too in the same situation) because most women don't want to hurt men..

It's as if ... once she cheats, then she can't forgive herself, she feels guilty as hell and would rather see you move on with somebody else who would not cheat on you and/or who is more deserving.. DON'T EVEN TRY TO GET HER TO ADMIT IT!.. That my friend is a huge waste of time. Women would rather go to their death bed than feel like a whore in public eye.. (Always Remember.. women live life with a much deeper burden than men.. it happens every month and to keep it simple.. they have the ability to bear children.. it makes them emotional) And, besides, if you didn't see it from your own eyes or hear about from a trusting source.. you have no right to accuse .. you have no way of knowing if it actually happened..

If you suspect that she has made the mistake of infidelity.. simply back off from her... put distance between you and her.. give her the time to reflect... if you treated her good to fantastic when things were going good in the love that both made between each other.. then she will make an attempt to either come back to you or.. in the least... to let you know she's sorry and would rather see you happy than with her.. most won't ever admit it or formally give you an apology.. but simply want to see how your doing and in doing that.. try tip you off that she 'is' sorry that she hurt you and/or the love both had for each other..

Always remember.. many to most women can't get over the guilt of it (infidelity).. and don't want to stay in a relationship where the 'guilt of it' could easily ruin the fun times in the years to come .. Men can certainly be the same but most men will simply admit the infidelity in an attempt to see if the guilt can be dissolved... and by admitting it.. look for forgiveness from his woman to help dissolve it.. 'Never cheat' and you won't have to deal with the repercussions of the mess .. and a big mess it makes for sure..

Watch the movie called 'Notebook'... it's awesome for learning how guilt affects a women.. ... Hope this helps men who get overly attached.. Overly Attached is not a bad thing.. you just have to, also, continually show her a good time.. keep her happy and both will "continue" to fall in and out of love for a lifetime.. there's no possible way to always 'be in love'.. we don't live in a perfect world and showing jealously 'is' OK.. it shows you care.. just don't do it all the time.. show off your women and give her room to make the right choices.

If you have one that continues to jealous you.. Do it back to her once or twice (DON'T CHEAT THOUGH!).. then tell her ass.. "I don't like playing mind games just to show you how it feels because it decreases the love that surrounds us!! Then make sure she understands that you 'can' find another who will respect you and be sure she knows that you'll do it "on the drop of a dime"(..you know.. a ten.. it's actually comps) if she continues with the bull shit..

~To peace and love

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, Anonymous 14 guy United States +, writes (29 August 2011):

I'm sorry man. Same situation here and if she is like my girlfriend at all, then she's not gonna talk. Ive tried asking her what's and wrong and finally she said it's the same as it used to. She still tells me she loves me and I tell her to, but she seems so unhappy and I can't figure out h

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2010):

There's a pretty simple solution to this, go to your doctor and ask him for a prescription for some "man the fuck up". She's not interested, get over it, have lots of sex with different girls and you'll probably end up stuck with one of them instead.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2010):

Dude, don't listen to anyone on this site. I was in the exact same situation as this... exactly same up to every word. If she truly did love you then she can't just 'lose her feelings' for you. So, one it's either she never truly loved you or two you did something to make her doubt her love for you. You have to find out what that is and FIX it and show her the side of you that she FELL IN LOVE WITH. Apologize to her for that and make it up to her. After a few weeks if she still says that she doesn't feel it then go on a break but while you're on the break DON'T contact her in any way (no phone, no facebook, no 'accidental' meetings). And then even after that if she still doesn't have that feeling for you then she probably never TRULY loved you.

But realize this like how I realized it... There is a world out there. You did fine without her and you'll do find without her in a few months. There won't be anyone like her but there will be girls that you'll fall even more deeply in love with or girls that truly love you. You have to know how to move on or you're going to have a hard time with relationships.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, jdrb28 United States +, writes (14 September 2010):

Man i know how you feel. I have been in the same situation before. Dont listen to what people say about leaving her alone andforgetting about her. I tried that and it go me no where. If you truely love her then the feelings will never go away and you will never forget about her. You have got to fight for her. Show her you care. Never give up and it will mean he world to her. If it doesnt then trust me man she is not the girl for you.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, nasar United States +, writes (21 August 2010):

Listen guys i know love when i see it. And lets face it just like me your having problems with your relationship, if you didn't why would you be reading this? I could relate to anyone's love troubles. Im only a 17 year boy that has fallen in love. And now there's really no way out because i love her too much. It's the best feeling in the world when you love someone as much as they love you, i have some problems in my relationship. I just got so attached to her it's like i cant even sleep without knowing she's going to sleep as the same time as me. The worst day of my life happend, for the first time my girlfriend told me she hates me and then she started to cry, do you know why? because i wouldn't give her any space, because i was calling too much, because i raised my voise at her, because i was so blind that i forgot how she felt and i just started to care about myself. Look back at the worst days of your relationship think about what you did wrong to her or yourself. Then try to fix it because you know as well as i know no one in the world will ever love your girl as mush as you do, so just try to make it work ask her what did i do wrong?" listen to her, listen to your heart. Dont doubt her if you know that she is a very honest person you should have trust in her that she will make the right decision every time. And if it's just time to move on i guess you could but i dont know whats that like, remember to tell her your first love is always your one and true love. And always remember to tell her before hanging up that phone that you love her. Try this, it will help alot.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, obamamob69 United States +, writes (13 February 2010):

Good morning from the states. I hate to say it buddy but if she has told you that her feelings have changed and she doesnt want you anymore then their is not much you can do. The only way that youd be able to change that is if you were to hypnotize her and tell her that you are the only man that she wants. Besides that its over brother. No matter how much you cry or express your love you cant force her to love you because basically that would be (in my opinion) rape to some degree. God doesnt force his love on me if he did then he would be a divine rapist and that he isnt. he wants me to love him with my own FREE WILL. My only advice is to go your own way because obviously it was not meant to be. If it was then you wouldnt be asking advice on how to fix this. I dont know about where you live but here in tennessee theirs alot of ladys to choose from. Get out their and mingle man though i would use caution trying to find somebody at some singles bar. if your looking for true love i would avoid these places. the greatest loves in my life always seem to happen when i was least expecting them to. If you want true love bad enough it will come. Hopefully you arent some shallow and self absorbed person that lacks any understanding of other peoples feelings. Perhaps you should ask yourself during this time of heart ache what kind of woman your looking for. Dont find yourself fooled either by the cover of the book. I know its such a cliche but true beauty is on the inside. When you meet somebody that is interested in knowing you take advantage of it. ask her questions and find out the things that matter to her. give her your full attention at first and try to take in all that she is telling you. For alot of women its the little things that tally up. And it should be that way for you to. does she call you and is she interested in how your days going. does she take the initionative to make dates with you. does she give you presents or little trinkets to remind you of her.Will she remember your birthday? Stay away from women who think they are all that. they will damage you. One sign that i like to go by is will she lend you money. If she doesnt then shes probably not a keeper. Hope this helps pal.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009):

I am only 16 years old and ive been told by everyone ive ever known that im better with love and relationships then them even the adults. I my self have been in the situation of a girl no longer loving me. But... in all hounesty you have too look at it like this, love is where, you want some one too be happy that person makes you who you are and you cant emagine a life with out them, and love is when youd do anything for that person too make them happy even if it ment you lose your own happyness. too me love is truly the altament sacrafice. In all hounesty sir youl probally never truly get over this girl if you 100 % cincerly love her. But as long as shes happy youl be happy and if your not...then you dont really love her. two years i was with my zoe...always remember sir. " if you love somthing let it free, if it comes back its ment too be "

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, fill United Kingdom +, writes (6 November 2008):

me and my girlfriend had been goin out for 4 years, she is everything a guy could want! we broke up like a week ago, the reasons behind this is, my girlfreind is in her second year of uni and she feels there is to much to cope with having a job work al the time and then have to worrry about me! she also said we argue alot, (because of my juelousy). she had also kissed guy on a night out which she says that she was very drunk! and i forgave her . she seems to get on with guys better than girls which i found hard, i told her that i have changed and she said its not just that and that she felt now she only has herself to worry about. she says she stil loves me and finds me attractive and that she is 99% sure this is a permenant thing, i just dont know what to do i feel so empty

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008):

the simple fact is women need security. even if they are ready to move on or already have, they need to keep stringing you along as a "backup plan." some space... time to figure it out... those are just ways of saying "stick around in case i need a fall back guy but stay out of my way while im shopping." It may also be to make themselves feel more attractive and intelligent.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, angelangel United States +, writes (28 July 2008):

You have to let her go. The trick is making yourself seem busy yet also open for what happens next. Sometimes love requires a sacrifice. I did all I could with my woman. All that can be considered acceptable. I even had plenty of advice given to me. Her state does not allow room to breathe however. After four years you should know what works and what doesn't. You need to make her wonder about you and at the same time make her feel good about herself and make her realize about who are-become the guy she was interested in the first place whilst also becoming someone new. You need to grow I need to grow. This may mean that you grow back into her in someway. You still have to be you and do what it is you do. You might find someone else in doing so but that does happen some time. I've left myself open to possibility. If you really have this love than it is really all you need. People leave constantly for many different reasons. My advice is to be supportive, and also honest, but don't be weak, you can say that you hurt, that should be obvious anyway, but don't show it. Don't press too hard either. You don't need anyone. What you need is her because you love her. That is good. Sometimes you have to prove it by letting go as much as you can as much as it hurts. She needs to be happy and if you really love her you should let her see how happy she is without you. Then she can decide for herself. She won't forget you and you can always let her know in a small whenever you see her, but after you've done what is possible to achieve closure you must move on. You must continue and let her know that she means enough to you to let her go. It's sad, you may want to get a weekly therapy session to help you cope and go out much more (that's what I do), and talk to other women but that is what it takes. You can bundle some things in your life as a way of coping in the future just as anyone would do with someone who's passed on. In may ways it is a similar experience. Life is about change. Sometimes things change back better than before and others just plainly surprise us. That's what we have in common. An open future. You don't want a robot, she needs to feel the way she does out of her own free will. If she can't do that then it's not love anyway. I've seen women get dependent on me and had to let them go. It's the only sometimes. Don't let yourself seem dependent. Show your love but, after all is said and done the choice is hers and you should value that choice. I'll be calling out to my love in someway for the rest of my life if need be. Whether that call is received is hard to know. You have to find new ways of dealing your feelings and showing that love. If she can't handle it now you must give it to others. Let part of you continue to dream and the other part look ahead. There is no plan to life. Things happen all the time. Revel in this thought. Imagine what you can do for yourself right now and how you can work through what you desire on your own. Women like success. Be successful on your own. You don't need her for that and if you are she'll appreciate that to some degree and by then you may find the tables have turned and you may be the one who is reluctant. If you're like me though and have what I do you might be keeping a small going indefinitely. That is good and you can use that light at other times. It just might not be available for her-she might not want want it. Let her free and soon enough you will be too. Don't look at her as someone you need look at her as someone you love. When you do that you'll understand that you really can do anything.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008):

It hurts so much!!!, My girlfriend and i have been going out for almost 4 years now. A couple of months ago she told me she didnt know how she felt anymore? I was pretty shocked but we agreed that it might just be a phase and she told me to give her time and that she will get over it. Over the past week i notcied that she wasnt acting the same and i felt something was wrong. I asked her " remember how you said you'd tell me if you felt that way again...i just want to make sure u will". This is where she said "ok ill tell you now". My heart sank....she said she hasnt gotten over it and shes not IN love with me anymore, although she stil "loves me". We have been through some tough times and the main reason why we have gotten through was because we loved each other so much. Now there are new things in her life and she said she has outgrown me?! Let me explain that we have been looking at house together, spoken about having children and our futures together. Im so annoyed and heart broken! This is the woman i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, now i cant picture my life without her and thats what im facing ( dont say youll get over it! i dont want to get over her! ) I think maybe she is blinded by the fact thta all these new things are in her life and im the only thing thats "old", but i always thought she would need me :( She is going to the states for 2 weeks this weekend and i was thinking about saying to her to leave it till she gets back...to see how she feels... i dont know what to do!? Im always thinking about her and it makes me so sad. Anyone plz help, and none of this get over it crap i want real answers! i need her in my life, and we cnt be just friends itll kill my to see her with someone else..... HELP ME!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, angelangel United States +, writes (27 July 2008):

Never intending to I met someone online-I was hurt in an accident and immobile for a time. I found that we were able to make a solid enough connection via phone (sometimes as much as two hours) and internet that I was willing to make the 90 minute flight to see her. When that happened we were immediately all over each other. We had already been talking about one of us making a move and letting things go from there. We spent 7 hours that first night in lip lock. The next day I met her child brother and we ate out and things were good. I knew that she had hesitations due to past experiences but did all I could to work around that. She wasn't able to give clear feedback which is something we agreed on at the beginning. Instead there were a few times where it felt as if she was holding back. Being only two days into that I am certain we would've worked that out. We slept together that night and again she was half hesitant and half on fire. Once we were into it she was all over me like a banshee. It was very emotional for me and she was the focus.

The next day she was distant. We ate together and talked a bit. She had mentioned her having a period while in bed but later we both decided that wasn't a big deal-then there wasn't any blood. That put me off and made me give more praise and show more devotion. She was less affectionate that third day she mentioned a gland problem and talked about her weight more. I gave affection. After we ate I went to hotel to clean up and then she called and told me it was over. I was thinking about how we could work through things. She wasn't interested. Then she mentioned how she was abused by her father and made all these strange projections. I have since learned that she suffers depression-though she didn't mention that to me-and a number of other conditions that makes it difficult to handle people in general. Everything I've learned has made me feel more for her.

I let things go for about a month and sent a voice mail asking to her to read a letter I was sending. I did wait and I did give her space. I was given very random information at the end and at least wanted closure. I had plenty to release too. I sent the letter with two follow up texts. She responded by saying there was "never an us" even though there clearly was. Then I learned about her emotional difficulties more. Her texts were so hurtful and difficult that I replied to them a little defensively via myspace. Then I sent a follow up message afterward because I decided to put myself into therapy to deal with the grief of losing her and my therapist urged me to send one last message. It mentioned how I'd been moving on, was still emotional of course, was in therapy, suggested she do the same regardless of whether she might not want to hear me say that-because I care more than anything else, and that things were open for whenever she felt like contacting me again if at all. I have no problem talking to other women. I have been spending time with many. That day I also set my myspace to private and put a peaceful mood and mentioned that I would always feel good about this situation. That is true. In time I'd get over the hurt. I mentioned finding something that was beautiful and would have no boundaries. This was all in my mood section and was something that she'd do in a more subtle way over the months that we were communicating so very well. The next day I changed a photo and took the page off private. I wasn't intending her to look or not look with some poems and songs I mentioned how I will always care. That is true and that she could get well and we could make peace in some way with this. Nothing wrong with that as Im still letting go and releasing. I even suggested friendship at one point in my final messages. Plus I reminded her that I am someone who isn't really the desperate type and all that via photos of what I do a bit and some people I spend time with. I wanted to make it clear I have real feeling and that I don't need her for some inadequacy (I have a life) but I need her because I've fallen in love with her. We did have something and she was the one to mention love first. She was the one who kissed me when all I was doing was going into whisper in her ear. Now I'm blocked on myspace though I said I was going to initiate anymore conversation.

I posted more photos and music and described what it was I was looking for in a woman on a blog with a couple paragraphs making a vague reference to this situation and what happened and how I was still hoping for a change of heart though I've moved on and would love to give this girl more again. I felt like releasing and I know I'll never be able to let go entirely as is true for everyone. I feel so good about what happened that I just want to share and always have hope. I also want to be able to somehow have that love reach her without contacting her at all and am doing my best to make that happen by making myself a better person and reaching out more. I still want to give and I think it is beautiful. I want her to heal and realize on her own had we spent more time talking and less smooching and less dealing with the hesitations and worry she had that is for not-we'd work. She has to do it on her own. I don't know if it is possible but anytime she approached me I will tell her that I love her-she approached me on myspace by looking at my page she knows, though I may not keep all that up forever-I'm finding new ways to express it. She'll always know I'm still feeling the same way without feeling that I'm looking for her-she's not capable of being reached now. I'm just patient enough to keep my eyes and ears open while continuing to look ahead. She's the one I want to be with for life.

She has things to work on for that to happen as do I but I dream everyday of a time where that will come to pass. In the meantime there's work to be done and she's inspired me. There are people to reach out to and girls to romance and she's inspired me. I wish for a day where she will see those results and appreciate that. Until then I will share my love for her with others until we are together again. I'm still depressed at times because I miss her so very much but I also love her more daily. It's tragic but mostly a beautiful story more than anything else for me. It will know no end. I'm leaving it to the future to decide what happens next while also keeping a special place for her deep in my heart.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008):

Guys, listen up. There are two very difficult things for "emotionally well" people to understand: 1.) it is possible to be correct about something and no one validate or even realize it. and 2.) emotionally ill people (even ones with just disfunctional character flaws) do NOT do or think the way we do!

to apply these points to each of your comments:

1.) if it seems wrong, it probably is. If you want to see whether your reactions over time caused or perpetuated her crap, then make a commitment to yourself to, for one month, not say or do anything you wouldn't do or say on a first date! No yelling, no manipulation,no reacting to "strange behavior" nothing you wouldn't do on a first date. Be on your best behaviour, be confident, and put yourself in the mental place that gives you the option of "not asking this girl out again". At the end of the month, you will have done nothing to exaerbate the problems, and will have observed what kind of person she truly is. (remember she doesn't know she's on a first date each and everyday, so she will be her normal self). Make your decision after the month whether you want this shit in your life or not, and remember that YOU are in CHARGE of your love life! NOT HER! Boot her out or keep her like you would a first date who acted like her! (after the 1 month of course)

2.)It is very likely that these girls lose respect for you when you show weakness, and gain when you show strength. To some extent, all girls work this way, but EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE GIRLS KILL THE RELATIONSHIP OVER IT. Emotionally mature girls might not be attracted to you for your weakness, and if they are unattracted long enough, you have problems. But remember that emotionally mature girls help a man feel like a man from time to time (and that feeling grows inside of you), and immature ones "pile on" the crap. Do the "month of first dates" trick on her and see whether she contributes anything to the relationship (sex, intimacy, nurture, friendship)enough so that it makes a good relationship or not.

You are in charge of your love life! if you let emotionally ill people control it, then you will have to become emotionally ill just to hold things together! Crazy people do crazy things, so clear your mind with a fair playing feild (month of first dates), and observe what's really going on here. Make a decision and go forward!

Yes you love her, yes she's great sometimes. a great relationship has 5 good times for every one bad time though. this applies to any relationship, so count em after your month experiment.

Lastly, all women want strength and stability from a man, so if she steals that from you despite your best confident efforts, plan on worrying about her leaving everyday of your life, because she probably will.

Moral: act like a man, and you get treated like a man, if not GET OUT!

Good luck

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008):

My girlfiend has commitment and communication problems... it doesn't help that we live so far away. It is a serious rollercoaster ride with many ups and downs. The ups are the most wonderful highs and she will be communicative and thoughtful. The downs are hell, she can go for weeks without speaking to me.

I get so confused. Its as though she doesn't even think about me sometimes. She is so good at moving on I think she has just created a new life without me. She doesn't say she doesn't want to be with me. She hates when I ask. She always says she thinks its what she wants. But she doesn't say she loves me anymore. She doesn't say she misses me.

I know I let her walk all over me. I will drop anything to help her and be there for her. But she cannot do the same for me. She cant even commit to a phone call.

I know feelings change and things get complicated. But when we are together it feels so right and wonderful. I just wish I knew... Shes so passive. She is a riddle that I cannot solve. I am seeing her in a month, dropping my life and my money on a plane ticket and I don't even know if she still loves me...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008):

the more you chase, the further she'll run from you. don't keep asking her why why why. she might need time, to realize you are everything she needs. of course there are som girls (like mine) that will do whatever it takes to bend you backwards. don't give in, don't cry, and DON'T CUT. best of luck mate

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008):

Im in the same situation, but i sat down and thought about how to when her back and whether you believe it or not you might have changed a little, just a very slight change can thro a girl off. All you need to do is remember who she did fall in love with in essence be the kind loving person you where. But never seem desprate do not send her flowers or anything just be yourself and do not seem deaprate. Being desprate will definately push her further away but you dont want to seem like you dont care you have to draw a line and she really loves you she will see that you are the guy for her. Hope this helps.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007):

Hey mate, dont know if you still need any advice.

I am in more or less your exact situation with my girlfriend of nearly 2 years, things were going great, now after a few months of things gradually changing (her interest towards me, including sexually) she saids shes not sure if she loves me anymore, and is confused.

I recommend breaking it off, and giving her some time, which is exactly what im going to do. Yeah, it will be hard, but there is no point in hanging onto something that just isnt there anymore. Shes wasting you away. If she comes back, awesome, she loves you, she realises what a great catch you really are. On the other hand, if she doesnt, lets face facts.. there really isnt anything you can do.

but time will heal all. In the mean time, i suggest you do your best to forget about her, keep yourself accessible for her to contact you, but leave it at that. When you are healed emotionally, then is the right time to be-friend her. There is no rush, get out there with your mates, enjoy life, see what rolls your way and take the time to find yourself again. You've been putting way to much energy into this relationship, that you need to relax and do something for yourself.

Hope all goes well mate, good luck.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006):

In the beginning it was all fun and lots of hot sex. For almost six months we tried our best to keep our relationship a secret. Not because what we were doing was wrong but we just wanted to keep it to ourselves. At least that is how I saw it. Three years later...

It hasn't always been heaven. We have had lots of fights. Some so major that I moved out. But the longest I was away from her was a month. It seemed that every fight was the same thing. It was impossible arguing with her since every time I made a valid point, she would walk away and say she didn't want to talk anymore.

For the past three months, our sex life has been slow. And it seemed to only bother me. Out of ten times, she only started it once. I also noticed these past three months she has been getting distant. She never brought it up. I did and it turned ugly. I take a lot of the blame since I felt angry that she never once mentioned anything and that if I didn't bring it up, we'd be okay. Since we live together, breaking up just a tad bit harder. Since I would be the one moving I had to be 100% sure that this is what she wanted. She said she didn't know what she wanted. She felt the distant between us. She still feels the pain from the last time I moved out, even though she pushed me away that time. She still cares for me as a friend. She still loves me but is not in love with me. She says she needs constant change. Then she went on with my flaws. How I always seem to make everything negative.

Some more details. We both live in a city where neither of us grew up. So we have a very small circle of friends. Can count them on one hand. I am always up to meet new people but I am not desperate. I mean some people I find annoying and I don't care much for them. My girlfriend just wants a bigger friend circle. She also gets invited to work related parties. She is allowed to bring one guest. It has always been me. She wants to bring someone else. Another guy. This guy has a steady girlfriend and my girlfriend isn't the type to cheat.( I know, they all say that) but she wants to invite this guy because to give him a chance to network so he can get a job. Then she wants to go on trips, day trips, road trips or vacations, but doesn't want me to go along. I tell her her is that will make her happy, fine, but just try to understand how it looks on my end. I tell her that she is purposely excluding me from her life and if I were to do what she does, she would kick me to the curb. Of course she spins that around to me being negative.

Needless to say, she said it will never work out for us to be together. I don't agree because I am still madly in love with you, but I respect her wishes. I pack my things up and leave. I left while she was at work not to sneak out, but because she said it was hard to actually watch me go.

I am about 400 miles away by the time she gets home and realizes I have actually left. She calls. I pull to the side and we talk. She is crying on the phone, saying how confused she is. She says she can't be without me. I ask if she wants me back. She says it's up to me. What I realized is when she realized she had me in the palm of her hands, her attitude changed from her being desperate to her being bossy.

What we worked out was no sex. We would be "friends" but we would live together, hang out together, and neither of us could date anyone else. Basically what she wanted was being boyfriend and girlfriend without the kissing, touching or having sex. I asked if she thought sex with me was that bad that she would ban it. She said it had nothing to do with me. Just she wasn't feeling it.

Why it's not working out. For one, I am a guy. I like sex. I don't need to go fool around with other girls but I love sex with my girlfriend. Not only because I love her, but she is a hottie. Not to mention, when she is into it, she is a wild stallion in the sack. I can go without sex. But she makes it hard. She still walks around our pad naked. Talks about getting her area waxed. She even cuddles with me. last time we were close, she stared deep into me eyes, smiled and gave me a kiss. She was wearing nothing but a robe. I wanted so bad to take her. You probably think I am just interested in sex. I am not, but it has been over a month since I had it last and she was looking so beautiful and she was coming on to me. I slipped my hand under her robe and feel her stomach and she pushes it away.

Sometimes I feel I gave up all my needs to fulfill hers. I mean, if she wants to go out on some weekend trip knowing I have my weekend free, she'll go without me.

So even though we are working it out, I feel I have lost. Even worst sometimes I feel that I should have kept driving. I was moving on and now I it feels as if I won't have the strength to pack my crap up and drive off again.

In the end I can only say when it comes to breaking up, there are no winners, just losers.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006):

When your girlfriend tells you she just doesn't love you anymore, it's time to move on. The woman of my dreams just did this to me, too, this past Friday during a writer's conference. A cousin who knows me quite well, upon having me tell her this, insisted that there might be a future in this relationship with this woman. My cousin knows me well (obviously), knows my girlfriend, and knows how instensly I love my girlfriend.

Regardless: we've been dumped. It's time to move on, and write our great American novel, and find an evenly lovlier and more caring girlfriend. Gee, the latter shouldn't be that hard after having our hearts ripped out!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2006):

i've just gotten into the same situation today mate! pretty fucked up right now. didn't know what to do. i guess you could say its been coming for a while but i truely believed we'd make it through and we could work it out and be stronger for it. but now i just dont know. my whole world has been ripped apart. she's actually out with her family having a meal for her brothers birthday right now. just waitin for her to get back to we can talk some more. but i dont hold out much hope. but i guess when the chips are down, a slim chance is better than no chance. so i'm going all in on this one. let it all ride. wish me luck

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2006):

I am going through a very similar thing my friend.

The only difference is that my girlfriend found an email that i sent to an ex girlfriend which i played down my new relationship.

She freaked out of course and now doesn't trust me anymore. We took a bit of a break where i went out with another couple of girls but no one came close to Katherine.

She then went out with this other guy and and since then had no love or affection for me. Ironically her going out with this other guy has killed me and i feel the same as you. I just want her love back as much as i love her.

One minute she says she needs more space the next shes being nice to me. I see her at weekends and when i touch her she moves away. I cant work my own emothions out anymore. I say "fuck her she doesn't deserve my love" then "I love her so much i will give her all the time she needs and just be here for her if she needs me".

She still calls me tho so i guess this gives me hope and she is talking about us going away somewhere for christmas...

The only thing you and i can do is give them space. Get on with our own lives and better ourselves. I lost my girl because of my lustfulness and lies. But i asked God for help... Pray man! Pray for strenght and guidance. God loves you. JUst remember that. I have made a lot of progress in my relationship through praying everyday...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2006):

I believe it was Sting who said, "If you love someone, set them free". That is paraphrasing an old adage - which goes something like this - "If you love someone, set them free. If they return, they'll be yours forever. If they don't, they were never yours to begin with". I'm 52 and have been down that road many times. It doesn't get any easier when you're my age. . . maybe harder, because there just aren't as many available women running around. My advice: Walk away and don't look back. Then make an effort to meet new people: join a club; go to church; take dance lessons. Don't just sit around moping. You'll find someone else, and before you know it, you'll be singing the praises of a new love in your life. GOOD LUCK!!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2006):

hey im in the exact same situation...i was with my g/f for 4 yrs untill 2 weeks ago.....she said that she had doubts for a few weeks then kinda realised she just didnt love me anymore pure and simple....(yeah ok)so she finished it...and obviously i wanted answers...she says she still cares for me etc...finds me funny, attractive etc sex is good...but maybe doesnt get excited to see me cause its like a routine....ive tried everything i think i can...she says that she only sees me as a friend now and wants to be good friends...is there hope still...im so hurt i cant just put 4yrs into memories based on that simple reason please help me i dont wanna be hung up for ages if theres no hope!!!!!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2006):

Dude,

Love hurts, it's meant to. I have had some pretty fkuced up experiences with love myself. The important thing is to follow your heart. If your heart is telling you to reach out to her then do it. If you think something is too crazy or might get you arrested, then wait and see how you feel, if you still feel the same then go and do it. The reason it hurts so bad is that you are motivated to do EVERYTHING YOU CAN to make it work. If it dies anyway, at least you will know that you did everything to save. I have been through this, and it took over a year to get over it. But I survived... and sometimes survival is the best you can hope for. Stick in there. Do what you feel in your heart. And whatever happens, know that you gave it everything you could.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2006):

Im in the same spot.. I met my girlfriend about 4 years ago, and we were so strong. We would have fights but each time we made up we were stonger than before. And after 4 years of hard and in depth love, she said that she doesnt feel it for me anymore and that shes in love with someone else, the last few months she got distant and wouldnt talk much, and eventually we ended. I feel like I didnt even get a fighting chance to save things or work things out. You build a world with someone and then to have it snatched away by someone that you dont even know because it was kept secret. She wasnt cheating on me, but the feelings for the other guy were developing. And then it just fell down like a castle mad of cards. Its hard to get over. Its been almost a month and for that month Ive always beein trying to get her to see that shes made a mistake, but the heart wont listen until its been hurt. The only thing you can do is take it on the chin and if you want to have hope that you and she will get back together, dont put all your eggs in that basket, have hope, because hope is good, but dont use it as a crutch, or each time that you see her or hear about her being with the other guy, its like kicking that crutch out from under you. Right now you just need to kinda chill some, and let things flow, just get back on the horse and walk along, dont rush into anything. No one climbs out of a plane crash and hops off like nothing happened (metaphorically speaking) Just ease back and recover and have hope. Dont rush into another relationship to try and get over it, but dont close off possible prospects of loving again. Most importantly, dont try to look for the same qualities in another that you sought in her, because no two people are alike, and youll be envisioning her instead of the one youre with... and that isnt right... just recover and take the next few steps with ease.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, Cue +, writes (8 May 2006):

hey i dont really know how relevant what i am gonna say will be to you but i will say it anyway. i will say i am in an exact situation as you if not probably worse. this girls does not feel the same about me anymore and as much as it hurts me that she's no longer around,i have tried to move on. yeah i have its not easy, but you know what the funny thing is? she wont leave me alone. she gets jealous when she sees me with other female friends, call me and tell me she's coming over and never turns up, wont come and collect her stuff from my house, calling and crying and telling me she feels am ignoring her etc. now there is one thing i am thinking that perharps she just wants me to be missrable over her, she me feel sorry because she's no longer with me, or she's got no god clue what she's putting me through. i am sure sometimes you feel like ok i ll move on and then the next minute you are like whats the point. the point is some girls enjoy seeing people they've been with and are no longer with missrable and the more you suck up to her the more comfort she finds in hurting. let her go. its hard i know but if she's got to go she's got to go. show her you've gotten over her as easily as she did. live with your best memories with her and enjoy each day at a time. this is the perfect time to hide behind your smiles, go out make new friends, and never let a broken hearted take the chance of love away from you. Smile, be happy, enjoy life find someone new to love it might be a moment of your life you'll never forget, above all this be gratefull you are alive because for every day we wake there is a renewed opportunity to make our lives better. She doesn't want you its her loss. hope you feel better. CUE.England.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2006):

i'm in exactly the same boat mate, i just dont get it. ive been with my girlfriend for nearly a year now and she means the world to me, i just cant let her go. i know i am the 1 for her she just has to realise it. my advise is not pester her just give her time. you aint done nothing wrong its her problem let her sort herself out and she will soon realise what she has done and will regret it like hell and come running back to you. try to keep in contact with her though.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2006):

dude;

Please follow 'POPS+' advice, you need to leave her alone. When a girl says "I don't love you anymore" it means she lost interest six months ago if not longer. The more you try to contact her the more she will resent you for not moving on. Now stop acting like a wimp, and act like a guy who doesn't care. Women dig that.

I know. I've tried to leave my girlfriend twice, and she won't go away. She'll just sit there and sob/wail until I take her back. Then, if I don't mention anything for a whole week she'll assume everything is fine again even though it's painful to be around her. The only feelings your girlfriend has for you are feelings of relief that you're gone. Move on! Go see a shrink to deal with the feelings you have for her, then go out and try again in the love game. For your own health...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2006):

Best thing is to just let her go. Trust me, ive been thro this many many many many times. And persisting always leads to your feelings getting more hurt. Everything happens for a reason.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2006):

Same thing happened to me she sed that her luv hav changed and that she had feelings for sum1 else she says she tried to stop her feelings for sum1 else but couldnt and she says her love for me had got smaller and smaler everyday and the 1 day she just told me it was rock bottow i cnt live without her i need her in my life she wasnt just my girlfrend she was my best frend aswell i luv hre so much its only been about a week and i cnt move on dnt think i ever will

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006):

i feel you man....broke up with me for the same reason..she told me she didnt feel the same anymore and that she felt like she could get romantic with someone else...we were together for 2 and half years.She told me she wanted to be friends but thats not an option for me.I Kno its sad but i agreed to be her friend b/c it was my only option. Its been about six months now and miss her to death. I still talk to her about every few weeks but its not the same.I know she'll never find anyone like me. Indeed it is hard getting on with life without someone you care about.My only hope is that she'll realize that i am the one for her

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006):

I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years since I was 17. We got engaged last year in Paris and started living together in September. I had a few money worries and walked out on her in an argument (a few nights away to cool down). The next thing I Know I have her dad on the phone asking for the flat keys back. Me and her dad had a few words and she has moved in with her parents. She now told me that she does not want me anymore and no longer loves me and wont text back or return my calls. She does not want to even be friends. I mean after 7 years how can you turn your back on someone. I am finding it very hard, and miss her to death. I am still trying to get her back but you need to look at it this way,

Do you want to be with someone who finds it easy to say they don’t love you??

You will find yourself testing her to find out how she feels about you if you ever get back together. You cant make someone love you because you want them to it is hard I know but you need to push on with life and stop all contact. Don’t do anything stupid to yourself because she is not worth it. I think to myself that she will never get a bloke like me again.

After time it will pass and you will meet that special someone, I am still looking.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006):

What has happened to you is a very hard thing to deal with. The truth is your ex-girlfriend has lost feelings for you way before she informed you about it. The part that hurts the most is letting go but thats exactly what you have to do here. Things happen for a reason and for the most part for good reasons. The next girl you go out with will fulfill you alot more then the past girlfriend did. A few months or a year up the road you are going to be really happy that the relationship ended because if it didn't you wouldn't be as happy as your going to be.

Hang in there all will come to pass.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2005):

The same thing is happening to me right at this very moment, only 2 days ago (I think) my girlfriend of 11 months as of next week said that she doesn't know if she loves me like she used to anymore... She says she loves me and I am so important to her but she doesn't know if she's IN love with me and doesn't find me attractive or want to be intimate with me anymore. Im going to try to not contact her until i see her for a little while on christmas, but it will be hard. However I am so confused on what it is... I think that it's because we havent spent quality time together like we used to for over a month... I'm hurting real bad here and she says she wants to be best best friends and we're too young for a restrictive relationship.

My advice to you (if it's still required) is that you just try to give her some space and hopefully she'll miss you and realise what she's done. Don't contact her at all... It's what she wants. If it does end, don't worry, search your feelings, how much do you really love her anyway?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2005):

u should work things out then since u love are and all fool

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2005):

you just have to talk to her and make her feel like .. umm .. she's in control of everything around her. tell her not to feel weak .. and let her always think twice

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2005):

i know hoew you feel, ive been with my bf for 5 months and all the sudden hes just lik it dosent feel the same, but i still like you and everything, then hes a complete jerk to me and barely ever calls me and when he does he can only talk for like 10 minutes

just dont worry because everything will work out the way it should, everything happens for a reason so obviously theres someone out there way better than her! you may not feel that way now but trust it will get better.

it feels like the end of the world but its really not, its the start of something new!!

think about it :)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2005):

im in a similar situation. my girl of 4 years hasnt wanted to have sex with me for over 9 months, just recently we decided to have a break/split, i want both of us to be happy, and she is'nt when she is with me. i see the girl i met when she is around friends, but with me she is just bored or frustrated or something. any attempts i make to play around (sexualy or not) are met with anger.i'd love for her to be happy with me, but its just not happening. i thaught i was strong enough to let her go, but it hurts. still i dont want to hold on if it is going to cause pain to both of us. what do they say, "if you love something set it free"

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2005):

Im going through the same thing right now with my g/f of 2 and half years, i love her so much, i dont know what to do, ive tried everything , cant eat, cant sleep, she still tells me she loves me, she hasnt been home in a week now, staying at her dads house (supposedly?) i guess it doesnt matter, one thing i have learned, instead of thinking " i am in pain, or i am suffering" think, ""there is pain, and there is suffering" in the world, it is a fact of life. I wish you the best of luck

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Bobbyjo United Kingdom +, writes (30 November 2005):

Bobbyjo agony auntIt might be hard but dont get into a row with her. You may be feeling frustrated at the moment but perstering her really will push her away even further. Let her go, then dont call her, talk about her or even think about her. Maybe in a couple of months time when you arent hurting as much, you can both talk and you can find out exactly what you did wrong. Please dont be clingy and beg for her back as this is the worst thing you can do, as I know for myself. Begging my ex-boyfriend back for 6 months ended up making me look like sad and pathetic and it ruined my life, we agreed to be friends when we split but because I kept harrassing him he now completely ignores me.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, Abeer Issa +, writes (24 November 2005):

Hi buddy..just forget what they mentioned, you have two options now the first one is to give her a space, ignore her let for a month and if she called you so she will recoverd, if not so now you will have the second option..that girl doesnt deserve your love, and be sure that some1 will treat her in the same she treated you one day..have some sports and go ahead...you just need one week and you will forget about her...I can what you feel, you cant live and you cant breath,,I know this feeling..just cry and when you finish crying you will discover you cannot love her anymore..she hurted you...think this way...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2005):

Hi buddy..just forget what they mentioned, you have two options now the first one is to give her a space, ignore her let for a month and if she called you so she will recoverd, if not so now you will have the second option..that girl doesnt deserve your love, and be sure that some1 will treat her in the same she treated you one day..have some sports and go ahead...you just need one week and you will forget about her...I can what you feel, you cant live and you cant breath,,I know this feeling..just cry and when you finish crying you will discover you cannot love her anymore..she hurted you...think this way...

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2005):

I am about to do to my boyfriend what your girlfriend did to you,ive been with my partner 18 years,and i know longer am in love with him.but he thinks the world off me,and he will not leave me alone.trust me son the more you pester your ex, the more she will reject you. if she`s any-think like me, leave well alone untill she is ready.you have heard of that saying .theres plenty of fish in the sea.well go and fish....

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005):

If you still love this girl and she loves you talk about things and hopefully the two of you can work things out.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005):

Same thing happened to me a long time ago. When she said we should see other people i responded by saying "Dont call me, dont write me dont even fucking think about me" that was 12 years ago. i still feel bad about what i said to her. i am now married with for kids, she is married now too. sometimes i wish we would have ended up together. dont get angry and say something you will regret forever.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, bootie09 +, writes (14 November 2005):

The truth is if she just feels different about you two than you do theres nothing you really can do! Unless shes changing her mind about something that you couldve done or said! Just talk to her and tell her how you really feel and that you dont want to let her go cause you love her. Dont do anything crazy but atleast do something that you think will change her mind.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005):

Same thing just happened to me man. I think the lesson for the future is take things s-l-o-w, or at least that is what I have learnt. I am in so much pain now, but you have to remember that you will get over it eventually. My girl decided in a week that from want to marry me and move in with me that she never wanted to see me again and had apparently never loved me. To push the message home she kissed another man 2 days after splitting up. Things can always be worse, and with time they will generally get better

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, StaceyB31 +, writes (13 November 2005):

Sometimes letting go can be very difficult. She obviously wants to move on. Why hang on to someone who doesn't want you. You, I am sure deserve better. It sounds to me as if you are not feeling very good about yourself. Work on you first the when your ready there will be a woman out there that will trully love you. The heart does heal and you will be able to move on. Good luck.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, shania United Kingdom +, writes (13 November 2005):

shania agony auntShe has made it pretty clear that she doesn't want u anymore,rejection is a horrible thing to experience but everyone has been through it one way or another.You obviously love her,perhaps but you cant force someone to love you.When you meet someone and fall in love you hope that it will last forever but im afraid life is not like that.What you should do is keep busy,go out with your friends,talk to a special mate about how you feel,it will be hard cos heartache is a bitch but you will get over it cos time is a great healer.You will meet someone else who will fall in love with you and your ex girlfriend will be a thing of the past.I promise!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (13 November 2005):

eyeswideopen agony auntIt's over Buddy. There's no "fixing" that. Pull yourself up by your boot straps and move on,

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, pops +, writes (13 November 2005):

What part of the word, " NO" don't you understand? She doesn't want to be around you anymore. I suspect it may be related to your obsessive possessiveness towards her. You are probably acting towards her like you own her, and she resents it. Deal with your emotional problem professional( get help), and leave her alone. You are not the first guy who has scared away a woman because he was too possessive, and you won't be the last. Stop contacting her, before you are arrested, or worse.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "I didn't do anything wrong. My girlfriend says she just doesn't feel the same..."

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.109375!