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I cheated now he wont he talk to me

Tagged as: Cheating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 April 2012) 11 Answers - (Newest, 9 April 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

hi , a couple of years ago i dated a young man for a few months , he was a good lover , was very nice to me but unfortunatley i was rebounding from my ex who was totally opposite to my new boyfriend (my ex was always on and off with his wife with me)

to cut a long story short , i cheated on my new boyfriend with my ex. i planned to dump my boyfriend the following week to get back with my ex, but my boyfriend was taking me away for a few days to paris and i wanted to go , yes i used him , my ex was a jerk who would never of done that .

my boyfriend came into the factory where i work and saw me in a clinch with my ex , he never said anything but just turned and walked out !

the following day, he picked me up and we flew to paris , he never mentioned it , he was subdued , i never mentioned it either. yes ok , i will admit i was a jerk , but he should of finished with me !

when we got back from paris , i said " yeah il call " , he knew i wouldnt call, i went back to my ex , who dumped me again 3 weeks later.

lesson learned. i now see my ex (the one who took me away) regular, he works as a delivery man and delivers to my work once a week , ive shouted over to hi a few times , at first he would ignore me , then he started to speak.

he has a new girlfriend , im really happy for him, hes been with her a over a year , im glad we got talking, i thought he had put it all behind him .

last week he turned to me and said he still has a lot of resentment towards me for what i did , i explained that were friends now he said "were not friends, you used me , you didnt need to do that , i cant be friends , its pretentious , sorry " and walked off.

its two years since we fell out, why cant he just bury things and be done with it ? if hes happy with his new girlfriend , then he should be thanking me ! i just want him to be friendly with me.

View related questions: my ex

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A female reader, delightful84 United Kingdom +, writes (9 April 2012):

I think you have lost this one. For the benefit of you, him, his girlfriend, your ex, your ex`s wife etc. Move past it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012):

You really are selfish.

You used and hurt the man. He is justified in his feelings.

You didn't even have the guts, courtesy, honesty, accountability to apologize, own up to your wrong, or even make it right.

Now you want to complain that someone you treated poorly and used selfishly, has resentment towards you?

I'm Glad He has a Decent amount of self respect and can honestly and like an adult, express his thoughts and feelings.

I do hope he is happy and in deepest love. He deserves it.

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A female reader, Lucky786 United Kingdom +, writes (9 April 2012):

Lucky786 agony auntThis is all his fault isn't it? I quote:

"yes ok , i will admit i was a jerk , but he should of finished with me !"

So you cheated on him and it was up to him to dump you? So he deserved to be cheated on? Why didn't you have the decency NOT to then go to Paris with him?

"why cant he just bury things and be done with it ? if hes happy with his new girlfriend , then he should be thanking me,"

And now you think he should forget the horrible way you treated him and just be friends? I'm glad he told you the truth about the way you treated him and I'm glad he has the sense to tell you he can't be friends. He deserves better than you.

You need to grow up, accept responsibilty for the fact that you hurt a decent man, do the right thing and just leave him alone.

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A male reader, Cerberus Ireland + , writes (9 April 2012):

Cerberus agony aunt"we are human and make mistakes !"

It wasn't a mistake though OP, you still speak about him like he's less of a person than you are. "he was an option" "he should be thanking me"

"at the time i wasnt bothered" You still aren't bothered OP because if you were bothered about anyone but yourself you would leave him alone. He's obviously still hurt but all you care about is him easing your conscience and being friendly.

If you want to put right your past mistakes then leave him alone. But you won't because it's pretty obvious you don't care nor respect his feelings, you just want what you want the same as you did back then when you used him.

Deny it all you want but he's still just a tool for you to use, the only difference is this time you want to use him as a means of making yourself feel good.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (9 April 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntHe has EVERY right to not be friendly with you.

WHAT YOU WANT does not matter in this case. YOU want him to be friendly to make YOU feel better. OH well.

You did a scummy ugly thing. live with it.

He sounds like a gem and a man of morals and ethics.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (9 April 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt He'd be stupid. One does not stay friends with people who screwed you over ,used you and cheated on you; if these are the friends, who are the enemies, I wonder. One can forgive them, yes, and move on, and wish them well too... from a distance . Taking them back as "friends" would be unnecessarily foolish .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012):

im the poster of the question , yes i feel bad for using him , but at the time i wasnt bothered , he was an option and i wanted to be with my ex , its a rubbish excuse , i didnt care for him , i do feel bad now , i want him to speak to me so we can be friendly .we are human and make mistakes !

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A male reader, bronzed adonis United Kingdom +, writes (9 April 2012):

bronzed adonis agony auntIt appears that you are more suited to someone who will treat you bad. The guy has no quality that you can relate to or live in harmony with. You would be better off being friends with the ex that dumped you.

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A male reader, Cerberus Ireland + , writes (9 April 2012):

Cerberus agony aunt"why cant he just bury things and be done with it ?"

You used him, see nothing in wrong in having used him, as you clearly prefer to blame everyone else except yourself and you expect him to be nice to you?

"then he should be thanking me !"

Yeah...sure...and the Jews should thank Hitler for the Holocaust because now they have Israel. Yeah OP, very logical.

Maybe if you can get over yourself he can get over you and you can be friendly. But you're not going to, so it's not going to happen. Can't have everything you want in life, get over it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012):

Your lucky he spoke to you to start with ! Why is it a big deal that he speaks to you ?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2012):

You do not deserve him as a friend. You cheated on him, used him and now you expect him to be your friend? I'm sorry I don't mean to sound rude but I wouldn't be your friend either infact I wouldn't want to be anywhere near you. He is happy now you should be happy for him.

Also thank you for what? Hurting him, breaking his heart and taking advantage of his generosity? Leave him alone be grateful he even looks in your direction after what you did. You cannot treat people like that in life.

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