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I caught my partner out in a lie, what is he hiding?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 January 2018) 8 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, *haronbun writes:

I have a partner, we do not live together but have been together for 5 years, we are what I call companions, i stay at his and he stays at mine, we also like time alone. He has female friends not a problem but this one friend he told me was ill, he told me this a few months ago, the other week I asked him if he had been in touch with her or seen her he said no. The onther night he called into see me before I went to work we had a coffee, he then said I have to go as got a lot do , fine we said goodbye. He lives about a 50 min drive from me ,about 15 mins later my daughter called asking why was his car parked in a street across town, I rang him could tell he wasn’t driving so I ask him where he was, he lied and said he was in the shop near his home, so I drove over to his car called him to tell him I was there .

He came out and it was this woman’s house, please don’t get me wrong he can have his friends that’s ok with me, I am uncomfortable with him not being honest with me and why he would lie that he hadn’t seen her also about where he was: Am I right to think he has something to hid "

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (11 January 2018):

YouWish agony auntExcellent! I love posters on here who take the advice and actually take the step of kicking a cheater to the curb and walking away.

All too often, a poster will instead cling to denial or start pining for the cheater or make excuses or at worst, blame themselves for "not being clear" about their feelings, becoming a doormat of the Nth degree.

YOU however have had enough! Good luck to you in cutting this cheating dog off and treating him as if he were dead to you!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2018):

This is completely obvious , he's cheating . Why are you even listening to his rubbish lies . Dump him already

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A female reader, Sharonbun United Kingdom +, writes (10 January 2018):

Sharonbun is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yes we talked about being exclusive ‘ I said that I wasn’t going to have him or me sleeping around, we did live together at one point but I moved out because he wasn’t getting on with my son, I have told him I want nothing more to do with him , told him I am worth more than this , yes I’m hurt but I will be ok I know this, he can play any game he wants but I’m done, his number is blocked and I have told him not to come to my house thank you for your replies, I know he is a snake and will end his life lonely, we have a holiday booked for March , I have changed his name to my daughters so he loses always xx

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A female reader, Sharonbun United Kingdom +, writes (10 January 2018):

Sharonbun is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The time this happened was at 16.30 before I started my night shift, he left mine at 16.30 and I got the call off my daughter at 16.50 , but yes I do think he is cheating and he is gone x

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A female reader, Sharonbun United Kingdom +, writes (10 January 2018):

Sharonbun is verified as being by the original poster of the question

The time this happened was at 16.30 before I started my night shift, he left mine at 16.30 and I got the call off my daughter at 16.50 , but yes I do think he is cheating and he is gone x

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A female reader, Sharonbun United Kingdom +, writes (10 January 2018):

Sharonbun is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your answer, yes I do think he is cheating, but it still hurts, and no I am not taking his bull shit .

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2018):

I agree with YouWish.

He is cheating.

He lied because he got caught.

That's what they always do.

If you believe him, you are enabling him to keep right on cheating.

Looks like this is the lifestyle he has wanted for the past 5 years of you being JUST a convenient companion who provides him sex... He was never committed to you. Therefore in his eyes, was able to do whatever he wanted. And I am pretty sure he was cheating with various women all along.

There probably were clues in his behaviour but you chose to ignore them.

When you give men too much rope, like you did, they will hang themselves. Seems to me he was always a player. Too many lady friends spells trouble! I am guessing this was not an emotionally intimate enough relationship which kept the door open for intimacy elsewhere. He likely kept his emotions controlled and safely tucked away. Or blatantly lied by professing feelings of love and devotion. Remember your proof is in the actions. Words mean zero without the actions to back them up.

Curious. Did you ever discuss exclusivity? Was there an agreement to be exclusive in your FWB arrangement? That's all it was. A sexual arrangement.

If I were you, I'd go snd cheat on him now and make sure he knows it! It's not going to solve anything but revenge in this case would be especially sweet.

Not sure what stopped your relationship from progressing for 5 years? Did you not want to commit or was it him? Did you ever have a serious talk about where your relationship was headed or did you put up with the situation blindly just to please him and keep him with you?

I am I interested in the dynamics of your relationship which led him to cheat. Usually there is a reason. Not saying you caused it because you didn't. It is his fault and his fault alone. Tell us about the history of your relationship.

And sorry this happened. But I would be glad if I were you. It's better to know than have him do this to you behind your back. And I won't even get started about STD's!!!

Do NOT let him talk you into staying. He will try to cleverly spin a story once he's had more time to think!! Dirty snakes like him are expert con men. That is how they get women to fall for them.

You have all the proof you need. Tell him it's over and never look back.

HIS loss, sweetheart!

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (10 January 2018):

YouWish agony auntOH COME ON!!! REALLY!??!

IT's nighttime, he's lied to you about where he is, and he's staying at another woman's house.

Read very carefully:

HE IS CHEATING ON YOU!

Let me say it again:

YOUR BOYFRIEND IS CHEATING ON YOU!

Is there something to hide?

YES, HE IS CHEATING ON YOU!

Why would he lie to you?

BECAUSE HE IS CHEATING ON YOU AND CHEATERS LIE!

NOW -- you can either keep screwing around looking for more proof, or you can accept reality that you are with a disgusting cheater, and you can drop him like the asshole he is. WHY would you listen to a word he has to say about it? Because you weren't there to see his penis slip into her vagina? YOU HAVE all the proof you need! YOU DO NOT NEED ANY MORE PROOF THAT HE IS CHEATING ON YOU!

A cheater's words are worthless. His "explanations" are worthless. His denials are worthless. His promises of love to you are worthless. You caught him at another woman's house at night after he blatantly lied about it.

So stop wasting another second with him and DROP HIM!

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