A
male
age
30-35,
*lexKeisch
writes:My name is Alex.I'm in this situation Where I want sex and she wants to wait until Marriage. It's hard for me to wait.I'm thinking I'm probably going to marry this girl one day, I Love her more than imaginable. We've never gotten into a serious fight or argument.We've been dating for a year. I'm 18 and she's 17.I'm heading into college and will not attempt at much about marriage until after. Once everything is out of the way with education and all of that.I don't want to make her in any way, push her into a corner and have her say YES to sex.I'm thinking the issue is with trust because her friend lost her virginity and now has the biggest regrets she'll ever have.One major deal of this is that we're in a Long Distance Relationship. We've been together for about 7-8 months and apart for 4-5. I'm visiting her for our Anniversary, Thanks-Giving and Christmas. Our anniversary is a good time to set the mood. My want for sex is going crazy.How can I convince her that I Will Absolutely stay with her forever. And if not Is this a possible reason for breaking up with her because I'm not physically satisfied?I love this girl, and I can't wait for marriage because it will be nearly 6 years until I've finished with College. I will be 25 by then. And if possible, No "If you love her then wait" Responses because I obviously cannot wait that long.THANK-YOU.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): No offense, but you probably won't be with her in a few years. You don't know what will happen during the next few years, so don't worry about planning out the future. Life doesn't work that way!
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 July 2010):
 oh really now as if this is a new issue. if you love her you'll wait. in the meantime take matters into your own hands it is not a big deal. you think "being cut off " is tough now wait until you get married you stay cut off.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (30 July 2010):
The apartment scene will be good: you'll be constantly tooling around with an unsatisfied erection - and she'll be pretending not to notice it.
Good luck with that one !
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A
male
reader, AlexKeisch +, writes (30 July 2010):
AlexKeisch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTHAN-KYOU EVERYONE!
This has really been a big help.
I feel like, I have a much more smaller and more specific range of options.
I will talk to her about it.
But.
One thing I haven't mention for one of the answers, though it was very good, it was my fault on not mentioning it.
It's that we will be staying together during College.
In the same apartment. In California.
So. It'll be even harder to resist the urge, not to you know, Force her, but ask her. And I can imagine somewhat often.
But. I really do thank-you all for your input.
For now, I'll wait and see what happens when that night of romantic bliss comes to show.
But for now, I'll wait.
I can honestly say right now,
If she still doesn't want to.
I will wait.
The only problem is that it'll eat at my heart and temptations little by little.
Hopefully and probably, When we do,
It'll be magical..
And..Er..Not like the rumors that go around pertaining Sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): I don't believe in passing up on true love because, that is the most rare asset on planet earth to discover or find. There are people who have ended perf. great relationships or relationships that could have been great but due to this urge within them to "play the field," see other people, have sex with others, "see what else is out there," they ruined the perfectly great relationship and when it was all said and done and they were ready to settle down, they either ended up with a nut case, in a medicore and unfullfilling relationship, or they ended up alone and miserable.
Frankly it's not worth it in my opinion. Hopefully this is the woman for you and you are the guy for her. Just keep dating, don't pressure her into anything. Besides you guys are still young, just take it slow and don't rush or force things.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (29 July 2010):
Sorry dude the "If you love her yo'll wait" answer is the right one. Surf the porn sites until then if you "have to" but she should come first in you life.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (29 July 2010):
This relationship is all wrong for you.
Even if you did manage to persuade her to have sex with you it would be only a few times a year as you are geographically separated most of the time.
So you would still be aching for sex when at College and there will be plenty of girls there who are up for it.
So in a way you are both right - she knows if she 'gives up her virginity' to you she will still lose you to other girls; at the same time there is no way you will be able to wait till 25 for sexual experiences - and neither should you have to in my view.
So don't try and badger her into sex any more but just go through an amicable split on the basis that you each have different needs. Then spend what's left of summer getting buff for School and stocking up on condoms !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): Hi Alex,I am glad that you are a responsible man and seem to make a good family man even in such a young age. But I am afraid that my first thought regarding to your problem is "if you love her then wait". Because you can't force her, or coerce her, manipulate her or drugged her (I am sure, you will never do any of those things).I can feel you on this and I understand you completely. Because my husband and I waited until we got married to have sex. And we have no regret about that. What you should understand is, it is not just you who wait, but your girlfriend too. This girl loves you as much as you love her and she knows that you'll stay with her forever, but deep inside she's still afraid that you'll take her trust for granted. That is why she needs to know if you'll really wait until marriage to do it with her. Both of you are just one year in a relationship, so many things can happened, she needs more time than that, she needs to feel secure, that is why she wants you to wait.My suggestion is what about proposing to her in one or two years? If you are going to marry her anyway, what difference does it make if you marry her now or in 6 years or in 50 years? As long as you don't have children yet, marriage is not really that complicated. At least based on my own marriage for 7 very happy years and counting, it feels just like the time before, when we were still boyfriend and girlfriend. A little complicated during tax report though, but you can always ask your parents for advice. (I live in Germany, there we have to make a tax report, I don't know about US system.)We got married with very little money we had. It was only enough for documents and a simple dinner with family. We had no honeymoon, no party, no diamond ring, and we lived together in a small one room apartment. No problem, because soon after we both done with our studies, got us nice jobs and a nice apartment. Several years later we are able to afford many travels, nice house, big savings, and other luxuries, though the love is just the same like the one we had when we were just married in poverty.Either you wait, or get married to her before you turn 25. I prefer get married though, because it works for us. That was the best decision my husband and I ever made.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): What I hear you saying is: "If I don't have sex with my partner I will get it somewhere else. I am afraid I will lose her when I do. I also want her to wait to marry me after I am done wearing out my sexual adventures."
Even if you have sex with her during a long distance arrangement, it won't be enough; your interest and appetite will increase to keep your current frustration. LDR's are famous for this.
You answered your question in the last paragraph. You won't wait. So go be free: with over three billion women in the world, your chances of having a great wife like this when you are done running around are very high!
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (29 July 2010):
 "I'm thinking the issue is with trust because her friend lost her virginity and now has the biggest regrets she'll ever have"
Well, let me tell you something: every first-time sexual experience is different from the other, so your girlfriend's fears have no factual basis. Also, this is not a good excuse for not wanting to have sex with you, so you know better what she wants. Or maybe the guy of her friend was a jerk, treating her bad or dumping her after.
On the other hand, she might want to wait until married, because most boys nowadays just want to get into a girl's pants and dump her after. So easy, see?
In one year of being together, you were supposed to gain her trust and be able to understand her position. Sex is not like a space shuttle lunch, it's just a normal act between people who LOVE each other. Maybe you should work some more on this one, make her feel loved and safe with you. Don't wait until 25, but wait until she feels secure about your relationship. Don't just tell her "If you have sex with me, I promise I'll marry you". If you do that, she'll probably be the one who dumps you. So be able to compromise a little... Bring her reasonable explanations for everything, not just "You make me feel extremely horny and I really need to screw", I'm sure you'll find something.
Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 Well ask yourself this - if she is really the perfect girl and you want to be with her forever, is it worth breaking up with her because you want sex so badly?
You pretty much have to choose - is she "the one"? Is she worth waiting for? Or is sex more important?
Because if you really CANNOT wait like you said you cant, then she is not the girl for you and you wont be together forever. Sex is taking a priority by the sounds of things and if she wont back down then you are willing to lose the so called "love of your life" just so you can get laid.
So if I were your 17 year old girlfriend, I would keep on making you wait because her worried are correct! You want sex more than you want your girlfriend, therefore if you made your girlfriend have sex with you now I am 99% certain you would not be together forever and she would regret it for the rest if your life.
Let me put this simply - for the love of your life, for the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with - you would do anything for her, including wait until marriage to have sex. If you are not willing to do this for your girlfriend, then she is not "the one".
I am not surprised you are feeling like this, as an 18 year old boy your hormones are raging and you are approaching your sexual peak so to try and control it would take a very very strong person to do so. You are trying to fight nature so you are not a bad person here, you are just a typical teenage boy.
But I guess now the decision is up to you. Is this girl worth waiting for? Or is your desire to have sex stronger than your love for her? Do not ask her to have sex with you now, she has made her wishes clear so you have to respect that. So it is your choice what you want - do you want your girlfriend or do you want sex more? I have heard of people breaking up over worse things so dont worry about that too much.
Yes it would be a shame if you throw away a relationship that sounds really good just because of your hormones, but then again you could say that you have fundamental differences in your beliefs and values - you are happy to have sex before marriage whereas your girlfriend is not and believes in abstinence - they are masssive differences and sometimes massive differences in beliefs can cause a relationship to go wrong.
Do what is right for you, you already know how your girlfriend feels and you cannot give her an ultimatum "If you dont have sex with me I will break up with you" as that is pretty much the lowest of the low. You cannot blackmail her into sex - she will regret it and hate you for the rest of her life. So you need to conclude that you are not going to have sex with this girl until you are married - so then it is your choice what you do next. If you can rein in your hormones and wait well good for you. If you cant and the urge to have sex is just too strong, well your relationship has come to an end.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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