A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. My boyfriend moved in with me 8 months ago as he was retrenched. Fortunately he now has a new job but the spell of unemployment hit him hard financially and he is still struggling to make ends meet. He also has a child with ex girlfriend. Our relationship has run its course in my mind and I told him this a month ago. He disagrees with me but I can't move on with my life as he is still in my home due to his limited finances. He has nowhere else to go he says. So must I just be patient? I can't think of any solutions.
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ex girlfriend, move on, moved in Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 August 2016):
 I think too that male anon's post was meant as a reply to some other question, but since I happen to read it, and since we are at it.... strange way of reasoning, male anon.
- Why avoiding unwanted pregnancies should only be the man's responsibility ? It takes two people to have sex, so if EITHER one does not want to become a parent, it befalls to the one that does not want to be a parent to make extra sure it does not happen. It specially befalls to the one who's got more to lose from an unplanned pregnancy- and, alas, it seems that often this is the woman. The man can easily just vanish ,leaving the girl just holding the sack ( in this case, holding the baby ).
- All men SHOULD feel the duty to be in control and not put their partner in the family way if then they don't want to face etc.etc.:
So they should. But they don't: and we cannot afford the luxury to ignore that very often people do NOT do what they should.
Were it so easy, OP ! Then we would not need traffic cops and there would be very few car accidents, or none. Nobody would disregard safety distance, or exceed speed limits, or
drive under the influence.
We also would not need to lock our cars, or our house's doors. Because nobody would try to break in, since it's clear they " should not ".
"Should not " will make you a fat lot of good !, when you are on the receiving end , whether it be reckless drivers, burglars or.. irresponsible sex . Therefore, rule no.1 : be prudent , use the appropriate precautions, use plain common sense. Before crossing the street, AND before opening your legs.
Maybe Anon male , you mean that, in the heat of the moment, it's easier to think with your hormons , not with your head... and make a big mistake.
Ah that's for sure. The OP whom you refer to is obviously a human being- human being can make mistakes- she made a mistake.
But her mistake only says she is a human being - surely not that she was smart, or sensible !
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 August 2016):
 OH I think Male annon meant to post on this thread:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/together-for-3-years-and-we-have-2.html
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 August 2016):
 Anon male - no one on here is even remotely "bashing" the OP. He didn't make the OP pregnant. His ex has his child. None of which is the OP's problem, but her boyfriend's baggage.
OP - you didn't mention whether or not you own the home you live in or whether or not you rent from someone. If you're a renter, did you two go to the landlord 8 months ago and put his name on the lease?
If he's living at your place, and you own it and he's being a deadbeat and not paying his way, which it definitely sounds like he's been living off of you for months, kick him out. You gave him more than enough notice, and he's taking clear advantage of you.
You gave him a month notice. Now it's time to go to the court and file for eviction. I am with the others in saying that you should pack up his stuff, call his ex or his mom, put his things into a storage unit and then change all of the locks. You're done. If he tries to break into your house after you put him out, call the police on him for trespassing. Doing it through the courts gets them in on the eviction process.
If this is your course of action, don't waver. He's going to try to sweet talk you, guilt you, or just stay there like a slug sponging off of you for as long as you put up with it. As you notice, he's put other obligations in front of you because he can. Time to assert yourself. Don't waver. If you kick him out, you must be prepared to cut off all contact with him. This is permanent. Don't get all nostalgic and keep talking to him, or he'll worm his way back in.
It's painfully obvious to me that he's been at the game of having other people clean up his messes and his irresponsibility for his entire life. I would not be surprised to hear that he's the youngest child of his family.
Throw him out on the curb. Pay for a month's worth of storage for his crap, and change your locks. Give him 7 days notice that this is what you're going to do, and tell him he either moves out, or you're moving him out.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (18 August 2016):
 Not sure what male anon is on about lol don't think anyone is having a go at the poster.
I agree with what everyone else has said, you've already given him time to find a new place and sounds like he's fobbing you off. Throw his stuff out and change the locks.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2016): FGS aunts stop bashing the OP. You know very well that if you love and trust a guy he can easily knock you up in the heat of the moment. In my opinion it is the guy's duty to be in control and take the precaution not put his partner in the family way if he is not ready to bear the consequences.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 August 2016):
 Give him 2 weeks; finding a place isn't easy. When the two weeks are up, if he hasn't even looked, change the locks when he's out and put his crap in boxes/bags outside.
If he's been genuinely searching and just needs to wait a week or whatever for someone else to move out (and has proof of that), give him the extra time. If, by that time, he's still not moving out, take the above actions.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 August 2016):
 It is your home, do not allow him to just live there. Tell him it is over tell him he has two weeks to move out and if he is not gone you will pack up his stuff and leave it on the door step. Sweetie if he knows you want him out and he is not going then he is being disrespectful. He probably sees it as free digs and probably thinks you will just allow it, time to put your foot down.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 August 2016):
 I'm sorry he has nowhere else to go, but.. you two are done. So he needs to get his shit and get out.
You already gave him 30 days.
You can choose to give him another 2 weeks.. or... just pack his stuff and change the locks.
And next time... don't let a guy move in unless it's going great for both of you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 August 2016):
he has a new job...change the locks while he's at work and put his stuff on the porch.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (17 August 2016):
 What does he mean, he has nowhere else to go? That's not your problem!! I'm appalled by his cheek!Give him an ultimatum, a week's time to get his stuff out or you'll put it outside and he can collect out from there. Don't tolerate his nonsense and call the cops on him if he tries to act smart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2016): Citizens advice
Samaritans
http://www.homeless.org.uk/facts/help-if-you-are-facing-homelessness
You probably have to notify him that he is no longer legally allowed to stay in your home.
Buy him one months residence at a hostel , pack up and move his belongings whilst he's at work , change your locks and passwords on the same day
Contact ex and inform her he's no longer welcome and will be homeless in short order . If she wants payments for child she might consider taking him back in
Contact police to escort him from premises if all else fails
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (17 August 2016):
 You need to get tough and give him a time limit to get out of your house. He WILL find a way, trust me. He will have to live with family or friends or a bed sit, or even find some other girlfriend who will allow him to move in - but whatever he does, it is not YOUR problem. I had a similar situation many years ago and felt like I was living under siege in my own house. Like you, the relationship had run its course and I wanted my space back (it was my house well before I met him). He turned on the tears, said he couldn't live without me and had nowhere to go. Once I found out that he was actually having an affair with a so-called married friend of mine, I got tough, packed his stuff into bin liners and, amazingly, he found somewhere else to live. Don't let him guilt trip you. His finances and living arrangements are not YOUR problem. He is an adult. Good luck.
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