A
female
age
41-50,
*ariaxx
writes:i don't know what to do, sorry if i ramble a bit i think all this detail is importanti am single and have really only had two significant boyfriends and i can't seem to move on and be happy.i met Boyfriend 1 in 1995 and went out with him for about 6 years. he was lovely, kind, intelligent, good job, similar interests, a wonderful man, he wanted to marry me but at that time in my life he wasn't 'exciting' enough (i was always a rebellious naughty kid, and then just wanted to go out partying). I had a couple of affairs and in 2001ish i left him for boyfriend 2. I always found him funny, v physically attractive, great sex life etc but sadly he is a pathological liar. He cheated on me, probably a number of times, lied about EVERYTHING, drunk and took drugs to excess, always in trouble with the law etc. That relationship was, unbelievably, on/off with a few year or two-year breaks until last year when it ended for good.I was severely depressed for around 3 years after breaking up with bf1 and realizing how terribly i'd treated such a lovely person, and felt that karma was paying me back for my wicked behaviour. i couldn't keep a job, would cry for days on end until my blood vessels in my eyes would burst. I was so sad at what i'd done, but bf 1 had been hurt so many times he said he could not take me back. I understood but kept hoping if i changed he would see that it would not happen again. The whole situation was the making of me; i developed principles, my own moral code and 'right' behaviour patterns. But in terms of getting back together it was no good, he said he could never go back but that he loved me with all his heart. I finally managed to end the massively destructive drama of a relationship with bf2 last year and have been happy about that - we were so wrong together and since then i have managed to give up smoking, start classes in things that always interested me and grow more in the ways i wanted to.But here is the problem - i think maybe i'm mentally 'losing it' - i can't stop thinking about either of these men - no-one i meet ever lives up to bf1's standards, and no-one is as attractive to me as bf2. i still speak to them, am fairly good friends with bf1 and occasionally see bf2, but when i see either of them it breaks my heart. I just wish bf1 would see that he could be happy with me because he has been in a loveless relationship since we split, and although i don't really like bf2 as a person it makes me sad when he is with other women and i don't think i will ever find anyone as attractive as him ever again.This has been going on for years. i am in my early 30s now and just want to meet someone and be happy but these relationships are nooses round my neck. i think i am getting depressed again - i just want it all to stop.
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affair, cheated on me, depressed, drugs, drunk, liar, move on, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): You should listen to your gut. We all make mistakes, i don't think we would be human if we didn't.
LOL, well i got your rulling planet right. Aries and scorpio are both ruled by mars.
Good luck with it all i hope you find whats right for you
A
female
reader, mariaxx +, writes (7 April 2009):
mariaxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks to you both.
tellulah - that is a really nice reply and deep down i know what you say is true. I will try to not try so hard to replace them.
Anon - no i'm a scorpio actually. thanks for the tips.
I suppose i shouldn't really see bf # 2 again should i? is it possible to stay in touch with exes and move on too?
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (7 April 2009):
 Hi Honey,
Well you said it yourself, your past is a noose around your neck.
You have done so well, and moved on in very positive ways. Trouble is! emotionally, you are still hankering on to what could have been. And here lies the problem.
I myself do not believe in Karma. When a baby or a child is very ill, or possibly dies. What would they possibly have done to be punished in such an awfull way?
You first B/F sounds wonderfull, but if you were meant to be, you would still be with him. B/F no2! well we all make mistakes, and he sounds like a massive one.
Its easy for me to sit and say "plenty more fish in the sea" and all the other quote's that people say. But Honey it is true.
Try to forget these guys, and stop trying so hard to replace them. When the time is right, a man will turn up that is neither to soft or hard as nails. And you will have more respect for them.
Take care and enjoy your life XXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): WAW, ok.... were to start... are you an aries by any chance?Right personally, i don't think that either of these men are right for you. you mentioned how bf1, was lovely and sounds like perfect boyfriend material. Well that doesn't necessarily mean he's the right person for you.Bf 2, well you devently don't need someone like that in your life. especialy if you truly love and value your self as a person because you would see your worth and realize that it wouldn't be worth it. I can how ever see why the attraction factor was their. you seem like the sort of person that likes a lot of fun and excitement. Their is men out their that can be your everything and more. I'm no expert but i do spent alot of my time reading up on men. Being a capricorn, i like to come out on top of any given situation so i go to great lengths to ensure that my heart is in the best care. Not to mention i still make mistakes. I just know I'm going down the right path to find what i truly want.I am reading a good book now, (excellent) called soul mate relationships, by (ulli springett)... understanding, finding, and keeping them.This is a good book because it gives you a good guide to finding the one and it also tells you how amazing it would be to find that one person.I read stuff i randomly typed into goggle like understanding a mans mind, catch him keep him... All that sort of thing really, a woman called mimi tanner is good for that.You would be AMAZED, with all of what you can learn frew a few emails on mens behaviour.GOOD LUCK, i hope that helps you out a little bit
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