A
female
age
30-35,
*upid_or_Stupid
writes:I have always wanted a baby but it's got to the point where I'm literally craving one. I know this is long but it's the full story so you can give more suitable advice :)Me and my boyfriend are both 17 and although we are young, babies have been something we've often talked about. We have been best friends for six years and an on/off couple for two. I always ask him for a baby and he'll sometimes say yes, but then when it comes down to being serious he says we're too young. In many ways I agree that we are young but I can't fight this feeling. Ever since my sister was born and I was 9 I have longed for a baby. I know 9 is young but I've always wanted to be a mum.As I've gotten older and it's been more and more possible for me to actually have one I've been getting more and more desperate. I know girls are naturally maternal but it has got to the stage where I literally ache seeing babies, I dream about it, and I sometimes even act pregnant just to feel the feeling I'm craving. A few of my friends are pregnant or have had babies and I completely envy them for it. Last year, at 16, I fell pregnant and the only reason I got upset about it was because it was the result of a rape. I miscarried at 8 weeks and I was devestated. Me and my boyfriend are sexually active and I sometimes try and get away without using protection to increase the possibility. I know that's wrong but it's just how desperate I'm getting. I've got my GCSEs and I'm dropping out of college because I don't feel it is right for me. I'm ready to settle down and start a family. Because that's all I want in life. I don't want to do this without my boyfriend but he has big plans for his life and I'm going to be left behind.Is there anything I can do to either stop these cravings or get what I want and still make this easy for everyone?
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (19 April 2011):
not being funny but the best way to stop this overwhelming desire to be a mum is to babysit kids, and to be in charge of minding them when they are at their most difficult. then you will be put off by the constant attention and guidance that they need. hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): I used to have the same feeling of wanting a baby so bad.
When my sister had her baby I wanted a baby of my own, but I was only 10. But anyway, I couldn't get the feeling to go away. After a while it just kinda went away by itself.
I just want to say that you should wait to have a baby because it is a LOT of work, I have a 4 year old Lil girl(I was raped at 12, and became a mom at 13) and I also have a 8 month old girl. It's a ton of responsibility, not saying that you aren't responsible cuz I don't even know you but it's really something you should wait for until later in life.
But I think when you do become a mom, you will be a great mother.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): OP I think a good way to stave off the cravings is to keep busy. Are you working full time at the moment now you have left college? I would really recommend going back to college and getting some A-levels. It's a good way to spend the day, and you are working towards something useful. Stopping at your gcses means you have pretty much the absolute minimum of qualifications any employer would want, even for basic jobs. if you want to raise children, you need to maximise your earning potential. I think the average child costs £200,000 to bring these days. College can really fire your imagination, and if you get stuck into it I think it could help the cravings and keep your mind active. What are you doing at the moment?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): You're craving something that you shouldn't have at this point in your life, for your own good.
Maturity. Either you have it or you don't.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): When you were 9 years old, did you parents have you wake up in the the middle of the night, every night, to feed the baby? Did you have to feed the baby every 3 to 4 hours, constantly wash bottles and make baby food? I bet not.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2011): College may not be right for you, but once you have a child to take care of and you want to provide the best life for them, you're gonna be kicking yourself in the but for not getting an education. On average, college gradutates make $25,000 more then people with just a highschool diploma or GED.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 March 2011):
 Get a puppy. It will curb the "cravings" and give you a tiny sense of responsibility a baby will require.
I think one day you will be a great Mum, but honestly, live life a little first. Have some goals for yourself. See the world! Taking a break from college might not be a bad idea, but think about how you plan on financially taking care of your child in the future. With an education you can afford more, for yourself and your baby. You already know this.
Be smart. Get on birth control.
Are you in counseling for the rape? The rape might be a part of your facination.
Also Cetlic Tiger is absolutely right.
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A
female
reader, Cupid_or_Stupid +, writes (27 March 2011):
Cupid_or_Stupid is verified as being by the original poster of the question Side note: My actual question is how to stop the craving more than advice against being a teen mum. Despite all the cravings and desperate needs I know it's best I wait a while. I just need some advice on controlling this before I let it take over me and it's too late.
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female
reader, Cupid_or_Stupid +, writes (27 March 2011):
Cupid_or_Stupid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCeltic_tiger - I completely see where you are coming from and I know I'm young but I do have qualifications already, a job, I pay for all my own things (I pay rent which includes bills etc) I can drive and I get regular income. I don't particularly want to go out partying etc. That's not my scene. I'm a stay at home kinda girl.
I'm sorry to sound like I'm bitching back, but I don't really think you know us well enough to know whether we'll still be together or not in three years. We both know we will. We want to get married and have kids we are just disagreeing on when.
In regards to the rape, It wasn't the first time and I have been to see many many doctors/therapists/councilors etc etc I have often talked to them about this and they have all said it's my decision.
I don't think material wants are needed to give a baby a loving home.
I'm sorry to sound like a bitch but I was just answering your questions...clearing this up a little more.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (27 March 2011):
 Ok, lets look at the reality.
First of all you are 17. You are going to drop out of college because you do not feel it is for you.
Right ok.
So how are you going to support a baby?
Without qualifications you wont get a well paid job. You will not be able to provide for your child.
What will you do then? Go on benefits? Make all the other hard working people in the country pay for you to be able to have a child at 17? Just because you want one? Not really fair is it?
Nappies, food, clothes - who will pay? Do you have a house to live in? Bills, electric, gas, water, food, council tax, tv licence, rent... it all adds up.
Do you know how much these cost? Do you have a job now? Who buys your clothes, your food, who pays your bills now?
You wont be able to afford to learn to drive, let alone buy a car.
You will not be able to go out. All your friends will go to university, go out, have fun. Socialise, go to parties, go to the cinema, just have fun. You wont be able to. Because you will have a screaming child to look after. Your friends will gradually not be around any more. It will get very lonely for you.
If you have a child now, you could be a grandparent by the time you are 33. Is that what you want?
It sounds like your boyfriend has many dreams for his future. I can tell you now, he DOES NOT want to be tied down with a kid at 17. That would ruin any chance he had of making something of his life. 99% of teenage relationships do not last. This is a fact of life. It is unlikely you will still be together in 3 years. This may be hard for you, but if he has dreams, he will want to follow them, and will not let you hold him back.
I do feel you should speak to someone professional about this, maybe a doctor or a councillor. With your past history, I feel this would help you, as you are obviously still suffering from the effects of this.
"I sometimes try and get away without using protection to increase the possibility. I know that's wrong but it's just how desperate I'm getting. "
This is called entrapment - you are trying to entrap your boyfriend into making a child he doesnt want. That isn't really fair is it. It is also very selfish, and you are not thinking about the child at all, just yourself. A baby needs a stable family environment, two parents, preferably able to financially support themselves, with a house, a stable relationship and future job prospects. At the moment, what can you give a child?
You are still a child yourself. You have SO much growing to do. Your friends who have children at your age do not realise how much they will have to give up yet. The experiences they will lose out on. You WILL lose out if you do this and most likely end up a single mother.
Please, for your own health go and talk to a professional about this. You need serious support from people who will know how to help you in the right way.
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