A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:2 years ago i started talking to a guy on msn, and we had such a great connection that we arranged to meet up. I had such an amazing time and we ended up kissing and it gave me butterflys even talking to him. We continued to meet up every weekend after this and it was great, we never called it anything but we might as well have been in a relationship. Although one day he told me his ex girlfriend had fallen pregnant and it was his. He completly changed after this and i felt like i didn't know him atall, it got to the point where we barely spoke and eventually stopped all together. A year along the line (which is recently), he looked me up on facebook and mailed me, telling me his ex had lost the baby and he was no longer speaking to her and he was glad he found me. He told me he missed me, and started speaking to me again like he did when we met. ofcourse, all my feelings came rushing back and this made it difficult as i have a boyfriend now and it was making me feel awkward as i was loosing my feelings for my current boyfriend and falling for my old flame again. we continued mailing and he was saying things like "he missed how we were" and "we'd be a great couple" and that i'd to come see him soon but then other times he wouldnt say anything and i'd ask why and he'd say it was "because i had a boyfriend". my reply? "if you hadnt left before i could have been with you now" then, he started talking about all the memories and sent me lyrics of a song which we usedto say was ours and I cried and i dumped my boyfriend as i thought i wanted back with this guy. Then one day, i recieved a phonecall of the guy and he was basically telling me i was to come up to his house for a drink and he'd "take me upstairs" - basically he wanted to have sex. typical. I was in such shock as he was never like this a year back, we never went further than a kiss and he never asked or even mentioned it either. I know people change but not as much as this! and on top of this, the minute i chucked my boyfriend he stopped talking to me and he has ignored me since. i dont understand why he just doesnt speak to me anymore? its killing me. everytime hes spoke to me in the past, even in a general conversation i feel like i like him again. Hes hurt me before by just leaving because of person reasons which i understand. but now hes done it again. My friends say i should just delete him off facebook and his number and block all contact with him incase he speaks to me again, because he knows he has a hold over me. I just can't bring myself to delete him.. I cant get over him. I'm happy with my boyfriend but it puzzles me why after a year of not talking, why he always speaks to me and my feelins come rushing back. I can't help feeling theres a reason why we keep having this connection. I dont know if i loved him because that seems a bit dramatic under the circumstances but i don't understand why i'm so attached to him even after all this time and everything hes done. if anyone has any advice i would be greatful.thanks!!
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ex girlfriend, facebook, his ex, kissing, msn Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTricklett: your right. I feel absolutly terrible because my boyfriend is the best in the world, I have what a lot of girls dream of. A boyfriend who would do anything for me. Although I will admit, during a break he cheated - we were on a break but its not an excuse in my eyes. This caused tension and also added to the want I had for my old flame. But I realise in the long run my boyfriend is better for me. I have got past the fact he was unfaithful, but there's always a part of me that remembers and its been eating away at me everysince. But I know he does love me, he told me he'd done it and he said he was "drunk and stupid" but tbh, who can say they were that drunk that they didn't think when they slept with someone? It doesn't work like that. I love my boyfriend dearly but I think that fact he's done this just makes my feelings for other people rise to the surface a lot quicker..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRedAthena: yeah that seems pretty much what's going on tbh, but I feel like I'm forever waiting for me & him to have this fairytale story and live happily ever after. Its pathetic really, but he's just so appealing to me and everything he says to me pulls me in. I was in tears when he told me all this as I am happy with my current boyfriend but everytime he decides to walse back in that's it.
I know my friends are thinking of what's best for me, and there probably right but like I said, I'm forever waiting for him to get a grip and mean what he says - probably never going to happen. He was the nicest guy ever, made me feel safe, called me beautiful and I felt amazing, but this time round? Not so much. All he's interested in is sex now, clearly. & I'm not going up there to be his booty call. Just not happening.
I should try and delete him off facebook, it may take sometime, because sometimes I find myself looking at his profile to see what he's been doing - my friends say its probably best I don't know. There right and all that's left now is for me to have the courage to erase him from my life completly.
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A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (25 August 2011):
 If your bf is still close by and willing to have you, I'll keep him and forget about your past. He is very cautious of what he's doing and you have to call it quits. Why bother with a guy who can't make up his mind? He's bad news. Don't bother trying to understand him or make any excuses for him. Your bf is around and loves u. Stick with him
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (24 August 2011):
 I had a friend that went thru similiar circumstances.
I told her that the guy that kept coming back from the past actually was using her to make himself feel better. Flirting with her was an ego boost.
There was no real relationship, yet she was still hung up on him and kept looking back.
Stick to reality-there is no stubstance with this guy in your past. You are revisiting feelings that have no current foundation in reality. It is more of a fantasy and you are hooked on it like a drug.
Your friends are trying to help you. They know you and love you. If they are saying cutting him out permenantly would help you...give it a chance and find some peace.
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