A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, serious problem, I have finally met the girl of my dreams and we really have a future together, But there is a problem i am having with her that i have NEVER had with another girl. When we are going to have sex, i get very hard and really turned on, but about 5 minutes into having sex with her, i slowly start softening up and i cant get it to come back up, this has happened everytime we have had sex, but yet i could go back home thirty minutes later and masturbate and get off with no problem and stay very hard,and with everyone else i have had sex with, i could stay hard for hours. i have never had this with anyone else, Im looking for some help desperately because i feel she is the one for me. what could be the issue. please help me out Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): you are tooo nervouse just calm down and take things slow bbe xx things will work out
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): DoubleM hit the nail on the head, it's performance anxiety, you said she's the girl of your dreams so you're putting yourself under a lot of pressure to do well in the sack, you have to learn to relax.
Sex isn't the be all and end all of relationship, it matters but only as part of the bigger picture, so find a way of getting past your anxieties. They're a viscious circle, you're afraid you'll perform badly which has the effect of making you perform badly then the anxiety becomes a reality, try some breathing exercises or other things.
Above all though, make her orgasm through other means and explain to her that it's not a problem of arousal, that it's the opposite in fact so she doesn't feel the problem is her.
Next time it happens, just go straight down on her and stay there until her mind is blown.
There more you make her cum the more confident you will grow and the rest should sort itself out.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 December 2009):
 Performance anxiety. You are so fired up to do a great job at sex that you simply jinx yourself. That's my suggestion as a possibility. Could be wrong.
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