A
female
age
30-35,
*untie Noodle
writes:I have been in a relationship for about six months now and at the current moment it's a constant struggle. It's long distance and i only see him at weekends yet that at the beginning was totally fine as i am at Uni during the week and he works etc but recently the weekends have become torture. He plays online games and it's gotten to the point where i sit for hours waiting for him to finish and come to bed, only for him to sneak back on them when i fall asleep. He never comes to my house it is always me going to his. It's costing me forty pounds a week and it's getting harder and harder to justify it. He is quite a cold person, only offers affection on his own terms where as i am the complete opposite so it's been quite hard to get used to. I am not making things any easier. I have become nagging and moody, probably for attention now i think about it. I hate that if i were to leave he probably wouldn't look up for his computer screen. I know i should leave and find someone who maybe cares for me in the same way i care for them but i am finding it so hard. I love the person i knew six months ago, he was pretty much my best friend and i fell so hard. Yet it's gone. I cry so much about it when really i should never have let this relationship get so serious anyway. Please Help. I can't talk to anyone about this because i cant bear them to think badly of him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): People are always on their best behaviour when they are first together and it is only later that they show their true colours.
It could be he is playing the games as an avoidance of something but you need to let him know that you need more care than this and if he doesn't show it you need to finish the relationship. One way he could show it would be to travel up to see you. If he won't, he doesn't care enough.
You know what you want and you aren't getting it from him. If this continues, finish the relationship so that you can meet someone who gives you what you want.
A
female
reader, SnowStorm51  +, writes (2 May 2009):
I can't really provide an answer for you, but I understand what you're going through...it's pretty much the same way with me and my boyfriend. We usually see each other on the weekends, usually me going to see him, and then lots of the time he is distracted with other stuff. He also only offers affection on his own terms which is kind of hard for me to deal with. I'm sure I could find someone who appreciates me more too, but at the same time I just want the guy I met when I first started dating him to come back!
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A
female
reader, mystifiedgirl +, writes (2 May 2009):
Hi Auntie Noodle,
So sorry to read about your situation. It feels like the worst thing in the world to be lonely whilst in a relationship (currently going through a similar thing myself).
It's very early in the relationship to be having these kinds of difficulties. The fact that he is not visiting you is also very telling, emotionally he is not in this with you right now is he?
My only advice is, take a deep breath and commit to controling the nagging and negative language, which I know is done out of frustration and disappointment.
Create an opportunity to talk to him, tell him how you are feeling and suggest some ideas to turn things around, perhaps scaling back some visits or organising dates again. Making it more fun and less domestic maybe? It may be that he is finding the LDR hard or that it is simply not able to emotionally sustain any relationship at this time. Or he is just plain immature. Talking is the only way you may get some clarity. However, if during your conversations he doesn't give anything constructive back or even acknowledge your concerns, this may also be a strong indicator that things will not improve.
On another note, working hard and striving for the best grades at University is so important and really the greatest way to start your working life. If after talking and laying your cards on the table he still isn't receptive, move on. Don't let this distract you from getting the most out of your Uni experience. At the very least, I am sure the money you will save from travelling can be used on other beneficial things!
I hope this helps a tiny bit.
Hugs
MG x
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