A
female
age
18-21,
*cequeen18
writes:well the thing is with every lad ive been seeing ive never kissed them i just cant il do anything to avoid humilation i hate feeling stupid and not knowing what iam doing i just find the whole thing emmbarssing and recently iv been seeing this lovely lad hes 25 iv jst turned 18 but he wants 2 know why i cant kiss him but i feel 2 nervous and dont want to do it wrong i just cant i hate being emmbarssed il do anything 2 avoid it he says he wont force me 2 kiss him and he trys to..but i just pull away do i really HAVE to kiss him i like him and all that but i just cant but eventually iam going to have to but i know rather than just kiss him il end it or he will and il say okay then because at least i dont have to go through that humaliation and emmbarssment and feeling stupid just want to know your opnions and what to do? nothing harsh please! Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): Hey Icequeen,
You can kiss and will kiss but I wonder if theres something going on beneath the surface? Forgive me for asking but I know because i was in a similar position with stuff from my past. PM me if you wish, your not on your own.
A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2  + ♥, writes (21 August 2009):
 http://www.links2love.com/kissing_teens_perfect_kiss.htm
http://www.romancestuck.com/kissing/perfect-kiss.htm
Here are some links that might help you, the first one has pictures....it really isn't all that complicated, really, and everyone is a little different, just kind of follow his lead.
I remember my first kiss many many years ago and looking back I could tell neither one of us really knew what we were doing, and I was so nervous I was literally shaking....so I know how you feel kind of....but trust me, you will be missing out on some pleasurable signs of affection if you don't let a guy you really like kiss you at some point...Just close your eyes and follow the steps.
Good luck, you sure got a lot of response to your question!
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A
male
reader, damluvaam + ♥, writes (20 August 2009):
 Well, I'm glad you feel like you can talk to me...Actually I really do get what you're saying about the tongue roaming around bit. That, um...can be a little "eh??"...and sometimes it can be just gross. The tongue thing is, in my personal kissing view, it's a "feature" of the kiss..NOT the point to the kiss. So, to hang out in someone's mouth like that,...yeah, I get what you're saying.
I also think it's kind of significant that the girl criticized your kissing then TOLD people your personal business...THAT'S not cool! And it probably helped you to sort of "brand" yourself as a bad kisser.
You know what? If the thought of kissing someone is giving you stomach pains and you feel like crying and all that...just know that you DONT have to do this. You dont have to do anything you dont feel comfortable doing with regard to anything physical like this... What's the rush?
Denny
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A
female
reader, icequeen18 +, writes (20 August 2009):
icequeen18 is verified as being by the original poster of the question i guess i just dont even wana kiss him atal i just feel stupid for even trying i get a horrible feeling in my stomachi feel like crying!i dnt get all this tongue buissness! i dread it i really do eurgh :S i guess il jst stay unkissed but yeah eurgh tongues it felt horrible when i did it with that girli felt ded stupid and she was very vicious iv dats the right word argh i cant kiss il be shit i dont even wana whyyy do i have 2 do this :(
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A
female
reader, icequeen18 +, writes (20 August 2009):
icequeen18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks damluvaam iv ive spelt that righti can kiss my relatives like peck on the cheek and stuff but when it comes 2 a boy on the lips and all that tongue buissness i duno what 2 do with my lips or whatever iv only ever kissed one girl and i didnt like it i felt like i did it really wrong and she was like u need 2 open ur mouth more and she critizied me alotand she told other people i hadnt kissed any1 but when i kissed her i hated her tongue just roaming abt in my mouth i didnt have a clue what 2 do with my tongueand i hated it i didnt know what2 do so much pressure on meit was horrible rather stressful actually so with a boy i dont know what 2 do when it comes 2 flipping snogging or even just a kissi dunoooo :S argh iam emmbarssed i hate it the tongue buissness eurghh :S eww horrible cringey how is this romantic and niceit was quite disgusting actually id forgotten all abt the fact id kissed a girl it was when i was 14i told her i hadnt kissed any1 and she was like il kiss uso we did but she hadnt kissed many ppl her self so :Si feel like i can talk 2 u damluvaam!
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A
male
reader, damluvaam + ♥, writes (20 August 2009):
Well...Poor thing, you're putting a whole LOT of concern into something that is really very enjoyable and you're going to worry yourself into a state about it. I'm thinking that you're going to find out - just like the rest of us have - that you worried for nothing and, in fact, HAAAY! you really LIKED THAT! NOBODY knows if their kissing "technique" is "right". No one. We just kiss and the intensity matches the situation. I kiss my Italian grandmother on the cheek and I better make it "meaningful", as she says. I kiss my goddaughter and love, concern, security and trust are what I'm trying to communicate. I kiss my sisters...we're family. I kiss my wife, on the other hand...and those big explosions of light and color you THINK is for bringing in the New Year...nope...I did that!
Dont you worry about this - not this much, anyway. Kissing is NOT anything to cringe about or feel embarrassed about, so long, as other posters have said, YOU are kissing who you want to kiss. You dont want to kiss someone...dont, but dont fret over this and think that after you do kiss him or whomever, people are going to pop up out of now where and applaud or boo you! LOL
You got lips? You CAN kiss. You just havent yet. It'll be alright.
Good luck
Denny
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A
female
reader, icequeen18 +, writes (20 August 2009):
icequeen18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit makes me cringe because i havent kissed any1 and all i can think about is feeling stupid if iam doing it right
what there thinking of me? if they think iam good or not just feelin emmbarrsed and not confident about it at al i just think id be rubbish at it
so it makes me cringe with emmbarrssment!
it fills me with dread so i cant imagine enjoying or liking it and seeing it has anything but phsical its all kissing!
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A
male
reader, damluvaam + ♥, writes (20 August 2009):
But why does it make you cringe, though? What goes on in your mind about it?
Is it just the romantic kiss that bothers you or is it ALL kissing? A kiss can communicate SO many things SO much better than words...
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A
female
reader, icequeen18 +, writes (20 August 2009):
icequeen18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the anonymus reader i dont understand how a kiss can connect people.
same with sex when ive had it its been anything but that
i really dont think i could feel connected to some1 by kissing and sex two things i dread and hate
iam sorry i dont think i could ever feel like that because kissing makes me cringe so much when i see people kissing it makes me so uncomftable its just horrible why do i have to do it just to be connected
n show him how i feel and what not i hate it all!
thanks tho
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A
female
reader, Starlights + ♥, writes (20 August 2009):
 I feel your not ready to kiss anyone yet. You dont feel comfortable about kissing someone and if you dont want to, then dont! There's nothing strange in it.However your first kiss will happen naturally when you want it to, at some point. But maybe now isnt the time.Dont stress about it, and explain to your bf not to push you into kissing him as your not comfortable about it, if he doesnt understand or respect your view he isnt worth it!(just a note, my first kiss was when i was 21, not because I didnt have any offers of it, but because I didnt want too kiss anyone until I was ready. -and it turned out to be a good kiss! )Good luck!
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A
female
reader, icequeen18 +, writes (20 August 2009):
icequeen18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionchanny 2009 no i havent even given him a normal peck nothing at all hes kissed me on the lips but i dont retaliate i try 2 pull away from him as much as possible it makes me cringe i feel horrible emmbarssed and stupid and nervous. i just cant it upsets me because thers no point in me trying to be in a relationship with anybody because its just going to be the same hurt n pain of having to leave them with this man hes everything ive been looking for he cares about me n respects me and all that but i put up walls iam horrible and mean sometimes and iam not comftable with myself or with kissing and sex..i dread kissing more than sex i dread foreplay i will not do it i cant! i wish i didnt have too! and if i do kiss him which i doubt i will afterwards when he looks at me il think all sorts and il feel horrible and il make assumptions about what hes thinking. iv not spoke 2 him for a week i think iv pushed him away personally but yeah kissing and all that i dread it i just cant.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): Your entitled to leave it but, let me try and describe what you might be missing forget about the physical side of how to do it.Id been with my GF for 5 years, One night she turned over and said she was going to sleep( we always kissed goodnight) she lay in my arms and I kissed her and I can not tell you what I was physically doing but I do know at that point I felt as connected to her as I have ever been connected to anybody on an emotional spiritual and physical level. The kiss lasted minutes and at the end there was absolutley no need of words. I could see in her eyes that she felt the same. Thats what a kiss can be. I have only ever had one kiss like that in y life buts its worth every single bad kiss for one of those. If you have problems with relationships thats fine, many of us do but definitely dont knock kissing till you try it.
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A
female
reader, icequeen18 +, writes (20 August 2009):
icequeen18 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the answers but its just upset me just thinking about it I just cant I think I'll just leave it just listening to people describe it makes me cringe with embarrassment n makes me nervous I think I'll definitely leave it and avoid relationships from now on! not being rude or anything has I've just read it and it sounds it, but thanks for all the answers anyway!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): its ok sweetheart dont worry! it all comes naturally trust me.to be honest there is no true 'right' or 'wrong' way to kiss.a kiss between someone you love is going to be wonderful anyhow x
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (20 August 2009):
 Why "stupid"? Because you've never kissed and "don't know how to kiss"? Or because you don't like the idea of kissing?
If it's the first, don't worry about it. Let him press his lips against yours and just do what comes naturally. Don't believe what you hear about "good kissing" - it's ALWAYS good with someone you really like, and if it's not - if you and he don't get the "buzz" from it - then he's not the man for you! It honestly makes no difference to the enjoyment whether or not you're "good at it" or experienced at it. There's no such thing as "doing it wrong".
If it's the second, and you really don't WANT to kiss, then all I can suggest is try it. It's not going to hurt you.
Either way, there no "humiliation and embarrassment" - not unless he's a complete ****hole (that's "***hole" for anyone in the USA reading this), in which case the sooner you walk away from him the better.
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A
female
reader, channy_2009 +, writes (20 August 2009):
have you kissed him, you know just a normal peck? Id say just take your time. Explain the situatiuon to him. If your that serious and he really does like you then he'll understand and you can get through it together. If he laughs and gives a horrible reaction then he isnt worth it anyway.
GoodLuck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): Look everybodies first kiss is a wee bit strange.
However if you never ever try it you will never know how good it can be. If he is experienced then let him kiss you, he will not say anything like oh your really bad because in my opinion girls are always good kissers, take it slowly, imagine you are just touching your lips againt his, then purse your lips and repeat, it doent have to involve tounges at all.
I do wonder though why are you so afraid of being bad at something that you have never tried? I was 19 before I had my first kiss so dont feel bad.
As a general rule any guyy who will ever say to to you that you arent good at kissing, sex whatever isnt particularly good at it themselves, because it takes two to make thos things great. I wish you the best with it.
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A
female
reader, honeysoul  +, writes (20 August 2009):
 well i believe kissing should come naturally, you can not rate you kissing unless you have done it. so go ahead and smooch your guy you really like him it won't hurt just to see what a little...... or a lot of kissing can do for your relationship.
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