A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Here is a tough one for you guys.I grew up with a girl who became my foster sister when I was 15 . I have always been in love with her.I told her I loved her when we 16 then again 19 and the last time when we were 24 when she told me she didnt love me and it wouldnt work because of the family etc.. So I believed her and moved on.She moved away.I have been married for 12 years to a woman who has been a great mate to me. We have two children.Over the last 5 years our marraige has started to fade, fights no sex etc etc.. During all time I have been married I always thought of my foster sister and have always been in love with her.12 months ago she came back home.We started to spend time together and she tells me she has always loved me.. (Bit late now!!)I moved out of my home to clear things and decide what to do.. Problem is I have a resposibility to my wife and family and feel I have abandoned them for what I want..I am happy in neither situation.. I have my wife who is my mate and I care about, my family who i love . But i cant have the girl I want because I feel like a dog for leaving.I went back to spend time at home and my wife desparately wants me back.. My girl is shattered and I am lost.. I have no solution.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): I completely agree with girlygirl601, and I would like to add something:
Please be careful about this love you feel for your foster sister! I know what it feels like to cherish an unrequited love for years, and in the end it just gets like a fantasy.
I have been in love with this guy since I was 13 (I'm 18 and a half now) and it was really intense, but I was too afraid to do anything about it. Then he went away, and recently I saw him again and I got really nervous, and all those feelings came rushing back. I started to think he was really the only one for me, the only person whom I had always found to be completely perfect, the best possible fit. A match made in heaven.
Now I don't want to make this about me, and I see the difference in our situations (age and the fact that your love turns out to be requited) but I wanted to tell you that this can't possibly turn out the way you'd think it would. If you get together with her, it probably won't work because in your head, you've been idolizing her for twenty-five years.
I'm on the verge of saying you should stay with your wife who loves you so much, but then again, if you don't love her back you definitely shouldn't stay with her. Just please consider that this foster-sister might just be a fantasy, and if you try it on with her, you may very well end up with nothing.
I hope you will know what to do and be very happy!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): Hmmmmmm hmmmmmm well I looking at what you wrote. Did you say you were married? Well sorry pal but your a dog if you leave for this reason. You said vows to your wife and these should not be broken. If you leave don't do it without knowing your shoes may be filled and you won't get to choose again. If she's smart she well leaving YOU. This is about wanting to dating and attention getting. When you get married your make a choice and this happens to be what you choose. You don't get to choose again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): Thanks ..:)good advice
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A
female
reader, girlygirl601  +, writes (15 July 2010):
That is a tough situation. Good thing you're being honest with everyone, including yourself. You have to sit down and see why you feel that way. Is it because the marriage is going though a "boring" phase or is it because you married her because you felt like you would never get the one you've always wanted.
Its difficult when children are involved but staying with someone that you don't love, ends up hurting the children more and it prolongs the inevitable.
I do think that you should be cautious of the woman waited until you were married to profess her love for you. Granted, it may be because seeing you with someone else made her realize how much she loved you. But I will still proceed carefully.
Either choice is going to be hard. Just do a little soul searching, make your decision and be man enough to accept the results of your choice.
Good luck to you!
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