A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm 22 and my girlfriend is 25 we've been dating for about 6 months but I'm worried she might dump me soon because I wont have sex with her. I really like her and I think she feels the same but recently im getting the impression that she's getting really frustrated with me. I've kissed her a few times but I really can't deal with people touching me and as much as I want to make her happy I feel completley in-able to do anything because i naturally recoil every time she tries to put her hands anywhere near me :/ I don't mean to do it I've been like this for long as I can remember, and I think she knows that but she's started hinting that it's getting on her nerves because she's had sexual partners before and it's easier for me because I'm still a virgin. I don't know what I'm supposed say to her which isn't going to make her feel like I don't want her, I proper like her and I'm scared that I might be ruining it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2015): Is there anything thats happened to you to make you feel that way about people touching you? Dont answer that if you don't want to.
You need to let your girlfriend decide what she wants to do, if you think you will never be able to have sex it would be kind of unfair on her if she wants a physical relationship. Nobody can force you to have sex, it's up to you what you want to do. But you cant expect her to be ok with never having something she needs.
I dont think if I could be in a relationship without sex but there are lots of women who dont want sex either. You need to ask her I she would be ok with not having sex because judging by your question you haven't come right out and said all this to her. If you keep it to yourself how you feel about being touched she will start to think you don't find her attractive which will hurt more than the truth.
Whatever happens, wether you are scared she will dump you or not, you need to get this out in the open and tell her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2015): Have you been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, or SPD? You say you've been this way as long as you can remember? At some point in your 22-25 years of life; you had to have had some sort of mental-evaluation to determine why you can't stand to be touched?
Can you see any logic of dating, if you can't stand to be touched? You would have to even touch a friend at some point; and if you're giving that young woman the impression you are romantically-attracted to her; how long do you think she's willing to wait for you to demonstrate it?
It might be best that you seek a psychological-evaluation; or continue with your treatment longer, if you are already in therapy. You may not be ready for a complicated romantic relationship; and this is already proving very distressing for you. Exchanging loving glances isn't enough, as you well know.
You owe her an explanation, and you should break this off and seek treatment to deal with your possible disorder.
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