A
female
age
22-25,
Friday
writes:My husband and I talked about the possibility of having another baby. Our financial situation isn't perfect, it never will be, but yes, money has been tight. Last year I went through cancer testing because of a 5 month long menstrual cycle and constant vaginal/uterine pain. They ran tests and realized I had endometriosis and PCOS. I had an enlarged uterine lining and abnormal cells as well but they promised it wasn't cancer. They then put me on birth control and it helped my cycles, things started to get better. It's been almost 2 years that we've done the whole "oh let's have sex without birth control and try to have a baby". I stopped taking the pill they put me on to regulate my cycles shortly after they prescribed it. The last u/s proved that I'm anovulatory and I can't make any eggs.... The next step would be fertility medication and he's wishy-washy about it. He has the approach that if it happens it will happen and that for PCOS I should lose weight like his step sister did. All she did was lose weight and she got pregnant- he doesn't realize that blocked tubes, cysts covered ovaries, and the fact I don't make any eggs will be a lot more complicated then losing 5% of my body weight. I took him out for his birthday and there was a woman that sat very near to us that was extremely pregnant. I almost broke down, I became depressed, and he told me that by my being sad was going to ruin his birthday. When I tell him how I feel after 2 years of not being able to get pregnant he doesn't seem to care. He changes the subject constantly. He never wants to talk about the fact we can't have another child without medical intervention. It breaks my heart hearing about other people getting pregnant after a little while of trying *such as his step sister* when we've been trying for 2 years... and he doesn't care. He refuses to listen to me cry about it.How do I get him to talk about it? How do I get him to understand the importance of this to me without being pushy? I just don't know what to do.
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depressed, lose weight, money, the pill, vagina Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deejuliet + ♥, writes (24 July 2008):
 Fertility treatments are expensive, intrusive and complicated. He may be intimadated, unconfortable or concerned about the costs. He may seem as though he doesnt care because he is afraid to show just how much he does care because that opens him up to being hurt. If you act stand offish about something it builds a barrier to the pain. He may be so concerned for your welfare and is happy with you and your family the way it is that he really doesnt want to mess with things. I think it is time to sit down and have a quiet, non confrontational talk. Tell him you need to understand what his thoughts and feelings are about all that is happening in your lives right now and what he wants for your future together. Then listen to his answers. I know it is very hard not to jump on everything he says that may not agree right off with your way of thinking, but try very hard to just listen and then discuss. Do not attack, cry or add a lot of, "but I want..." Once you understand him, then the two of you can work together to decide how to proceed. This may mean fertility treatments, adoption or just being satisfied witht the family you already have. If you do already have a child, then you have been blessed, and maybe you need to just count your blessings.
A
female
reader, Annalisa  + ♥, writes (24 July 2008):
 No matter how much men may care, it is very hard for them to relate to women's issues.
I think you're going through a hard time, but are making life harder for yourself than you need to. Why do you want to have another baby so much?
I think you're more concirned about your body malfunctioning than actually wanting to give love to another child. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you should concentrate on loving the people in your life today, before you panic about not being able to have more children!
With your health issues, it is unlikely that a pregnancy would go well, so why obsess about trying expencive and unnatural ways to conceive?
Your partner is obviously more concirned about your life, as he should be, than wasting time after trying to fix you.
Give it time, enjoy your family life and if you feel you have more love to give, why not give a home to one of the many orphans of this world?
When I thought I couldn't have children, it was my first idea! And even though I've been blessed with a child of my own, my husband and I actually decided to go ahead with the adoption thing, in a few years.
Allowe yourself time to grieve your issues, then clear your thoughts, pray and you'll see you're over-reacting. There is so much more to life!
God bless you and good luck!
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH + ♥, writes (24 July 2008):
 I dont mean to sound harsh, I understand how hard it is on you, but it would seem that having a baby is more important to you than him. OR perhaps it is important but he's just not allowing it to take over his life like you are. You have a child already (I think from your post) maybe if you just relax about the whole situation, he will come round to your way of thinking, and be more suportive. You are still only young and have lots of time. I think the more you push the more he will back off.
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A
male
reader, Spirit_Of_Iona + ♥, writes (24 July 2008):
 My dear child my heart goes out to you, it is difficult to know what to say to someone when they want something so much yet their body is unable to fulfil their hearts desire. This is a male - female divide issue men dont realise the sense of unfulfilment of a woman who wants but can't have children and women don't understand when a man is diagnosed as impotent and left feeling less than a man.
Your husband should realise that he needs to reasses his love for you because if he really loved you he would lay down his life for you and if that means putting sperm in a tube then he should do it. I bet if he had an accident which affected his nethers he would expect you to stick by him and might begin to understand the psychological yearning you have
I don't know much about the conditions but I expect it may prevent egg release as the eggs are there from birth for a woman and would then need to be fertilised and replanted in your womb a desperate procedure for couples I know x.
He needs to show deep love to you and understand that his birthday means nothing compared to your happiness for if you were my wife I would move the very earth itself to help you. Your husband has failed you and should be thoroughly ashamed of what he has and hasnt done to and for you, He should come off the fence address his problems; for without his assistance you are not getting the chance to become pregnant at least by him, I wonder if it is some sort of macho stance that it will reflect on him that he can't get you pregnant by natural means, because I can see no other reason and if that is the case he is not a man he's a mouse while he sits there in his ivory tower you my darling are weeping inside and must feel desperately alone
Is there anyone in the family you are close to and can talk to that he would listen too his sister his mother his father after all they would be grandparents if you had another child.
Sometimes in life we have to fight to get what we want and my daughter you have had to do just that fearing the worst hoping for the best and have faced them down with it seems little or no support
Have you considered leaving a copy of your posting on a table for him to read, it is a pretty powerful plea for him to listen and as I have challenged and affronted his manhood you could print this off too because he needs to address why he isn't loving you like he should
Love Grace and Peace
Spirit Of Iona
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