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male
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*ubes
writes: I have worked at my current job for 2 years, and have known and worked with this particular woman the entire time. We work in a factory, and she is on my shift. She also has a live-in boyfriend, and the two of them have a two year old daughter.About 4 months ago, this woman initiated a heavy flirting session with me that lasted several weeks in length. Deep down, I think both of us had been attracted to one another for some time, but it wasn't until that one particular day that anything was really initiated between us. In my opinion, she was the one that gave me "buying signals" and I responded to her flirtatious behavior.As time went on, my feelings grew for her considerably. Yet, even though she initiated the relationship, on several occassions she has mentioned or hinted that she is not really interested in me. Once she stated it verbally, but on the other occassions no words were spoken by her, just gestures of a negative nature in response to questions from me.Once, she outright refused to accept a simple birthday card. Yet, even though she replied in the negative, she actively took other love notes that I offered and even accepted a necklace. Her eyes even sparkled with affection at several points in time, with deep emotion showing inside of them.Lately, though, her interest in me seems to have taken a nose dive, especially after I revealed my true feelings to her. She still calls her boyfriend on the phone at work, yet she still seems to keep track of me and what I am doing. I will admit, though, it seems as though her interest in me isn't as strong as it once was, or at least that's my perception. It is really confusing because of the sheer amount of mixed signals that I have received from her in the past, and continue to receive today. Yet, it is apparent, based upon her moods and hushed phone calls, that her relationship with her boyfriend is not going well either, or has a lot of ups and downs. They have been togather for at least 5 years with no marriage plans in sight as far as I know.The thought has also crossed my mind that she could simply be toying with me, too. Using me as a pawn in some twisted game. Maybe using me to fill the voids she has in her current relationship?So, I guess what I am looking for is advice on how I should handle all of this. Since I see her almost every day, that complicates things. Should I simply give her some space and patiently wait and see what evolves with her "relationship", or should I just cut my losses and move on?I really do care about this girl, and I have told her that she needs to do what is best for herself, and for her daughter. So I am assuming that she is slowly cutting me out of the picture with no intentions of ever leaving her boyfriend?I have noticed, though, that when I do distance myself and ignore her, even for only a day, she seems to respond to my absence and pays more attention to me, or pays more attention to what I am doing anyway.And, she does play jealousy games from time to time, so that is another part of the equation to consider.For example, if I make a phone call, she makes a phone call. Or, if I am walking through her area at work, she sometimes suddenly seems interested in one of the other male workers, and leans closer to them, which I know is just a game on her part.Oh, I am 41 years old, and she is 32 years old. I am white, and she is Hispanic.Anyway, can any of you please give me insight on what this girl is wanting or thinking?Am I simply wasting my time? Or should I just suck it up and be a little more patient with her situation?Thanks!
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female
reader, Sharoney +, writes (26 October 2005):
My honest gut feeling is that she's playing games. Some women need constant reasurance that they are sexualy attractive and wanted, and still able to (sorry for the tacky phrase) "pull any bloke they want". It becomes a game to test and prove to themselves that they aren't over the hill just yet. She can go to work and have fun with you which boosts her self esteem and confidence, but that's likely all it is, a game to boost her ego. Unfortunately in the process it's highly likely that your self esteem and confidence will get trampled on!
I have been in a similar situation myself with a guy, I was 19, he was 28 with a live in girlfriend and her two kids. He made me believe we had a future, so I waited. And waited...and waited! it never happened. The trouble was, all the time I was waiting I was getting more and more attatched to him, allowing myself to believe him and start dreaming about the day we would finally be together properly. So when he turned around and called the whole thing off it hurt like hell, and has taken me a long long time to get over it, I also lost a lot of confidence in both myself and in relationships. My advice is, don't wait around for something that may never happen, you are worth more than that and believe me, it hurts a lot less to end it now before you get too involved. You may even end up forsaking a loving relationship with a genuine partner because you're waiting for her. It may be that she wants you but is scared of breaking up her childs stability in family life, but it's not fair of her to keep you hanging on. If you're able to, ask her outright what game she's playing; you can do it in a lighthearted way, maybe when she's making eyes at you tell her you're really attratcted to her but the situation is confusing. Hope this helps a little x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2005): My advice bro is to ignore her. I think part of your problem is you may seem desprate. That turns women off a lot. You have to become more aloof. This is kind of tricky becase you don't want to do it abruptly. Kind of ween yourself from her. I won't be easy, especially at first, but distance yourself from her slowly, until its like you forgot she exixted. Don't even look at her unless she speaks to you first. If she really wants you she won't be able to take this for very long, and will eventually confront you. If she does, tell her you are done playing games with her. Give her the ultimatum, and don't settle for anything other than a commited answer from her. Life is too short for these games. If she doesn't confront you, she was probably just in it for the attention anyway.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2005): it sounds to me like this women isnt exactly sure of what she wants, she sounds insecure, probably due to her situation at home. You are probably something for her to look forward to each day, she has no ties with you and its exciting to flirt with you, but then the realisation creeps in to her that what she is doing is wrong towards both you and her boyfriend and also indicates that she obviously isnt 100% happy with her boyfriend. The best thing for you to do is get on with your life and just be friends with her, let her solve her problems in her own way but be sure to concentrate on your own life and not get caught up in hers.. Whatever the outcome - is obviously meant to be.
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