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I can't figure out if he cheated on me or if he got this girl pregnant before we got together, and now the baby's mom wants to fight me!

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Question - (31 May 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2011)
A female United States age 22-25, *dconley1 writes:

Okay my boyfriend and I have been dating going on a year in two months. I was going threw his phone to prove him wrong about a text that I sent him, this was back in October. We were just playing around like always and I found a text stating "I love you baby daddy!!! Why don't you ever tell me that you love me back." from a female i never heard him talk about. I asked him what is this? At the time she was still pregnant but i never know how far along she was and my boyfriend was claiming the baby she was pregnant with wasn't his baby. Later on in January, my boyfriend wanted to keep my my android phone and take it to work to listen to music while he work, so i took his ancient flip phone to class with me. The same girl called. She asked "Who are you b***h, where is my baby daddy?" I had a conversation with her. Then he tells me how she been over at my house while me and my little girl was visiting my mom. I confonted my boyfriend and he don't get defensive. 4 months later on May 10 his daugther was born and he tells me this on a trolley ride to the house when i got off work. After i calm down about two weeks later i answer his phone i like i always do and she calls me out my name and hang up the phone twice. I really wanted to tell you the whole story but before i ask me questions:

1. Okay i can't tell if he cheated on me or he got her knock up while he and I were dating?

2. She wants to fight me and I am not trying to because I don't want to have my daughter look up and notice how violent her mother is, what should i do?

View related questions: cheated on me, text, violent

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

you really need to talk to your bf and ask for a straight answer. When did you get together with this girl?

What are your intentions towards her?

What are your intentions towards the child?

Do you know the child is yours?

Have you asked for a blood dna test?

Only then can you take a deep breath and decide what you will do.

All the best my dear!

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (31 May 2011):

chigirl agony auntTry to call the girl and let her know you don't know what's going on, and that if your boyfriend had cheated on you you'd not want to be with him, so she can have him all to himself if that is the case.

Why are you with this man after he admitted, in such a horrible and cowardly way, that he was going to be a father? And he only said this AFTER the baby was born? He's been having this woman on the side through all this time, you think he didn't go meet her during her pregnancies?

He lied to you when he said the baby, his own child, wasn't his. You don't have any reason to believe a word he says.

Leave him. Don't fight the woman, heavens, that'd just be stupid as you don't have anything to fight with her over. If she wants this cheating lying two timing man... I say give him to her, wash your hands of him, and get on with your life.

Sorry, your boyfriend cheated and is a liar and a coward. You're better off without him. Who knows how many other women he'll knock up while "in a relationship".

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A female reader, Dear Mandy United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2011):

Dear Mandy agony auntHI

this so called man clearly has his loins at heart here. He is only interested in what he can get. and I suggest before he knocks you up to run and fast. Why would you honestly want to stay with a pathetic excuse of a man when he only wants to hurt you, an all around him? And this very childish woman wants to fight a women she dont even know, knowing she has just had a child omg!! lave them to it, he has made his bed, let him lie in it and I say ( lie) because thats what he will always do with you if you allow him to treat you this way.

you deserve sooooo much more than that hun xx

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 May 2011):

Honeypie agony auntFirst of you your BF is lying through his teeth. First she is just some girl, then the baby isn't his,... you see a pattern honey?

He lies when he is caught.

How can you be with a guy who has no qualms of lying to you? How can you trust him?

And for the baby momma...... tell her to go fly a kite. If she wants to fight anyone, she can fight the baby Daddy! This has nothing to do with you. I would also tell her if she keeps threatening you you will call the police.

Either he was cheating on HER with YOU or the other way around.

The baby was born in May... but you are still with him? Why? Don't you think you deserve a man who can be honest, faithful and truthful.

I would run as fast as I could... them two have some drama issues..

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A male reader, Cerberus Ireland +, writes (31 May 2011):

Cerberus agony aunt"Okay i can't tell if he cheated on me or he got her knock up while he and I were dating?"

Do the math. You were together during the time he got her pregnant by about a month. Whether you were official or not or whether that matters is for you to discover.

"She wants to fight me and I am not trying to because I don't want to have my daughter look up and notice how violent her mother is, what should i do?"

Tell her to piss off or you'll go to the law. Easy as that.

As to all the other stuff I'd be very wary. He was with her while you were at least dating, he had this girl texting him behind your back and didn't tell you. He had a baby on the way and didn't tell you.

You keep getting fresh surprizes from this guy. You may want to get to the bottom of everything OP. Ask him if your were together when he got her pregnant. Did you not ask him why he didn't tell you about all this? Why is he letting her talk to you this way? This all seems very wrong OP.

What puzzles me OP, is why you didn't get the full story back in October when you first found out about this girl. Did he not tell you all this?

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