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I cant drive...does this make me a loser?

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Question - (4 April 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 22 April 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi,i just need some honest advice.

Im 26 year old female and i dont drive. I did lessons a few years ago but just couldn't get my head round them so i quit. Also i suffer with anxiety -on and off and for the past few years i've been on antidepressants to help me.

Lately a few people at work (and some friends) keep making comments that i dont drive- asking me why and if im taking lessons...its none of their business but i just know they think im an idiot for not driving. Only a few people know that i suffer with anxiety and im not going to tell random colleagues my business.

It never bothered me before that i dont drive but eveytime i think about it i want to cry that i cant drive. In the future i can see myself getting lessons etc but i feel like such a sad loser especially as younger people i know can drive.

I just want some honest opinions.. Does it make me a less of a person that i dont have a driving license,even though i have a good job,money in the back and a successful, wonderful fiance??

View related questions: at work, fiance

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2009):

i am 46 years old and i feel like such a loser . i tried to get a license when i was 17 and failed the road test twice, i feel like the whole world has a license except for me. i was driving with my husband but my confidence is close to none. i feel if something happens to my husband i will be a stranded mess. i wish i know the secret to having confidence. i would love to get a car and go where and whenever i like..i hope one day that i will wake up ..if kids can drive , whats wrong with me??thanks for listening..marie

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009):

Hello no of course it doesn't mean you're a loser please don't be too hard on yourself. Listen I am 41 and I took my test about 6 times, had loads of lessons, I want to try again but can't afford it right now, I used to feel very down about it but right now I'm not bothered, I've accepted it's something I'm not very good at, but as I'm good at lots of other things, so what? I suspect you are too!! We live in a car-obssessed culture, unfortunately!! Good luck if I were you I'd leave it for a bit and build your confidence up! Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2009):

I didn't get my license until I was 31. Everyone I knew always questioned me about it, and I told them I didn't need to drive because New York City has one of the best transportation systems in the world.

It wasn't until I moved to New Jersey that I really started getting pressure from people about driving. They would say, "If you had a car, you could drive to work everyday." (I live in New Jersey, but work in New York City and commute in every day.) I would look at them like they were crazy and say, "Even if I had a car, I wouldn't drive to New York. Between gas, tolls and parking, plus the headache of driving into the city, I would triple the amount I pay when commuting and give myself a stroke."

I did finally get my license, but that was for other reasons. So, now I have it and I don't drive into work. I also don't have a car. Between gas, parking in my neighborhood, insurance and car payments, I just can't do it. Also, its been so long since I last drove, I'm scared to do it... LOL. Granted, sometimes I do wish I had one like when i go grovery shopping, but where I live also has a pretty decent bus system, so I make out ok.

My long-winded point is, no, it doesn't make you a loser. We non-drivers all have our reasons. And as long as you're not depending on everyone else to drive you around, then they should mind their business.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2009):

Hello,

You're not a loser for not driving. People choose not to drive for a variety of reasons. I choose not to drive because I don't like oil or the implications it has for our foreign policy or what the car culture has done to our landscape and our urban planning. As long as you do not feel inconvenienced by not driving there is no reason to do it. You are a totally complete human being without having to use a car.

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (4 April 2009):

Jamer70 agony auntIt doesnt make you less of a person. I know plenty of people older than you who dont drive. In england we do have a good public transport system, as much as we complain its pretty good, you never pay tax for a bus and the driver wont chagre you for the fuel.

I dont drive and besides leaving abit ealier i have never suffered

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A female reader, SirenaBlusera Mexico +, writes (4 April 2009):

SirenaBlusera agony auntI hear that England has a good transport system. :)

Bully for England (I hope I used that slang expression right?)!! :) You know what I mean.

I keep wondering what the hell is wrong with my country. Everyone gets in their car and drives three miles to buy a pack of gum. Elsewhere in the world, they have a public transport system, and here we're happily wreaking havoc on the environment. I'm so embarrassed.

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A female reader, wonderingcat United Kingdom +, writes (4 April 2009):

wonderingcat agony auntI drive, have a license, and a car. But I actually hardly ever use my car! I love taking buses and trains. You get the time-table, plan your routes, get on, sit down (or stand up), get sleepy lol, then get off. If coming home late, get the taxi or get a ride home with friends.

In my book, you're at the top list of people who are saving our environment, as you are NOT using your own fossil fuel and you are helping people [in the transportation business] keeping their employment!

More power to ya!

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A female reader, Triskaedeka102 Canada +, writes (4 April 2009):

Triskaedeka102 agony auntArmyMedic is right, it doesn't make you less of a person! I am 25 and to be honest I feel the same way like you do, I mean, the buses are available,and I can get pretty much anywhere I want to with it.I don't even have to think about hitting an'r car! haha! All I do is get the right number, get on, sit down, and voila! I'm there. I am taking driving lessons, but I don't think it's (driving) something I want to do. It's just for reasons such as being a designated driver or emergency reasons. I don't have my full license yet either.

So, I'd say let those nosy people bubble their mouth with what they want to say. Be yourself :]

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A female reader, SirenaBlusera Mexico +, writes (4 April 2009):

SirenaBlusera agony auntJust because you don't drive, doesn't make you inferior and it doesn't give others the right not to judge you. If they're truly your friends, then they will accept you whether you drive or not. If they don't accept you, then f*** them. :)

If you decide that you want to learn how to drive, it sounds to me like that would be an option for you. Driving is scary, because the live and safety of others depend on you. If you are ready for the responsibility, pursue it, but be safe.

In the USA, in most states, you can drive when you're 16. I was almost 18 when I got my license. I wanted the independence, but I was so scared that I fel overwhelmed.

I live in the USA but I used to live in Mexico. It seems like Mexico is more considerate about transportation. I didn't have a car in Mexico but I never suffered for the lack of it. I could easily get anywhere I wanted to go: Between the "rutas" (buses), taxis, or walking, I always had a way to get there. I came back to the USA and I got so annoyed: Why are we so behind here? Why don't we do things "the right way" like the Mexicans do? It's part of readjusting but it still annoys me that USA prides itself in being "superior" and we don't even have a transport system.

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A male reader, ArmyMedic United Kingdom +, writes (4 April 2009):

ArmyMedic agony auntIt doesn't make you less of a person and if you live somewhere with a decent transport system, I doubt it will even effect your life that much.

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