A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don’t know where I stand with my boyfriend. We are in a long distance relationship and have been going out just over a year. He told me when we first got together that he likes his own space and he finds talking about things difficult as he had a very overbearing ex-girlfriend. Although I find it really difficult I respect his wishes, but I am worried that with too much space we will drift apart if it isn’t already happening. We haven’t seen each other now for just over 3 weeks. The first weekend he had a sickness bug, the second weekend I had no transport to get to him and the weekend just gone I can see no reason why we could not see each other. I confronted him with the fact that we hadn’t seen each other since the end of July and when he replied I felt like he was blaming it all on me. He said ‘you were out all weekend and you didn’t come along last weekend - things happen sometimes.’ After that the subject was closed but he didn’t mention anything about us seeing each other next weekend. I used to love the fact that he seemed so excited about us and would book things up for us months in advance but he doesn’t do that anymore. I don’t know if he has just got settled in the relationship, but I feel he has lost interest in me.Well, I wasn’t out at all over his weekend (he has Sun/Mon off) so I don’t know where he got that from. I told him I was going out Fri and Sat evenings so that way we could see each other over his weekend but when I messaged him on Sunday to see if he was playing sport over his weekend he didn’t answer me until Monday. If he had answered that he wasn’t playing sport, then I would’ve suggested meeting up but he didn’t answer and he never sought to check out what I was doing. I couldn’t get hold of him at all. So, I have no idea what he was doing this weekend and why he couldn’t meet up with me. I have thought for several months that something is amiss with him. He has been working all the hours God sends, he has been ill several times which is unheard of, he has been quite withdrawn, sleeping alot, tetchy and off sex, but he just will not open up to me about what is troubling him. I can’t decide if he is depressed, stressed or seeing someone else, or all three!!! I wish he would just open up about it. He just won’t share anything with me at the moment. At the moment I am thinking I wouldn’t even mind if he said he had an affair - at least then I would know something but I know I am being silly. I would be devastated. See, if he is depressed then I can try to help as I have had clinical depression.My gut reaction is that he is seeing someone else, but I can be a bit paranoid and neurotic at times! I feel very weird - like I am a distant friend or something because he is still mainly very sweet with me but at the same time I feel like I have been pushed to one side for something/someone else because we hardly see each other. I feel like he wants to split up with me but when I ask how things are with him and everything he just says ‘everything is fine’.At the moment I am backing off from him and getting on with my life. I don’t know if that is the right thing to do.
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affair, depressed, ex girlfriend, long distance, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008): Second guessing your relationship is wasted energy. You need to be direct and tell him how and what you are feeling. You need to know one way or the other ASK HIM
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): You have my empathy; this is a very difficult situation to be in; I can understand that your emotions are in turmoil and that you are confused;
BUT
I think you are doing the right thing; just go on with your life; give him a little space and time; let him start "chasing" you again; if he does not; well at least then you have not been sitting at the phone waiting to hear from him;
I believe that: with time you will have the answers; meanwhile, get on with your life; go out with friends and take good care of yourself.
Try not to think about this to much; yes, I know, it is easier said then done; but try and stay busy.
Be strong; my thoughts are with you; wish there was an easy solution but unfortunately this is part of life.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (19 August 2008):
 Hi,
I think what you are doing is the best thing...do some backing off and hopefully he will respond more. Try not to second guess what is happening, all kinds of thoughts have entered into my mind over the years. I know it's hard though! I really hope this helps. Hannah
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A
male
reader, LonelyButNotAlone  +, writes (19 August 2008):
 This sounds like my problem exactly. Do you and him still talk about your future together?
I unfortunately haven't found my answers, but I wish you luck with yours.
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