A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together around 8 years and are both in our early twenties. We get on great, and we are building our future together. There is a problem I have though, and thats we are complete opposites, I am more quiet and he is loud. When I'm with him in private I am myself, however when we are together in front of other people I feel I cant be myself. I feel like I cant talk/interact properly with other people as he will judge me. I feel if I say something a bit silly he would point it out when we are alone and he will embarrass me or say how cringe worthy it was... it's happened a few times before where he would point it out, Laugh at me or say 'Why did you say that' and now I just feel completely closed mouthed and shy around other people. It's odd as when I'm alone and meeting people for the first time, I'm really confident and friendly and chatty, but when i'm with him I feel like I can't say anything, even if it's simple things like getting served in a shop and it's awkward and he'll comment on it. We have an audition for a game show coming up, and I know that i'm going to feel like I can't be myself and embarrassed he will judge me. I know this isn't right at all, and I know we've been together a long time but it's a situation where I don't know how to help it. Any suggestions would really be appreciated. Thanks all
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2014): You've been together for 8 years. - I really hope you've told him how this makes you feel. Not in a confrontational way but just said "please don't point out in public something I've said, I find it really uncomfortable and as my partner I just want you to recognise this and instead be a bit more sensitive to how I would feel. Especially since you know I am much more reserved than you are in social situations".
He needs to recognise you're not a mate he can use to make a joke and laugh out of, but you're his partner and he needs to make sure he reigns himself in a bit to avoid offending you.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 September 2014):
 This may be a very lame suggestion, but, you don't say if you have brought up this with him- and if you did, what did he say ? , and WHY he keeps doing it when he knows it bothers you?
For some reason I feel that it was never properly brought up, and in this case, do it.
Tell him " Look, we get along so fine, you and I, when we are alone- but you KNOW that, while you are loud and confident, I am shy and reserved , and in public I get embarassed easily and get a little tongue tied.. I may happen , like everybody else, to say something silly or to make some social faux pas- and it hurts me when you draw everybody's attention on it- so , please, don't do it. And no, it's not a good excuse that if it was you , you would not even notice it, you would not feel bad about it, or you would heartily laugh over it . Because, obviously, you are not me, and we have different sensitivities, different vulnerabilities, different feelings about some stuff. Please take that into account, and if you just need to correct me or chide me about something, wait until we are alone to do it ".
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (10 September 2014):
 He sounds controlling. Not a good sign. You need to have a serious talk with him. If he can't accept you the way you are, this relationship should end here and now.
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A
female
reader, Behavioural Analysis +, writes (10 September 2014):
 Chances are you have outgrown the relationship. You have been a couple since you were 14-ish years old and that's a delicate time in your life, so it's lasted a very long time, but you're still only young adults and now it may have run it's course because you're feeling stifled, rather than the relationship bringing out the best in you and helping you grow.
You don't have to make a decision right now, if you haven't told him how what he says makes you feel, you should do that first, but consider breaking up if he doesn't stop.
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