A
male
age
26-29,
Tallnswt
writes:Ok I am 27 yrs old and dating a 35 yr old woman who I adore... I am 6'7" 250 lbs and have always dated petite womem. My gf is 5'11" and 160lbs so she is very muscular and build like a brickhouse.. I am VERY physically and sexually attracted to her. BUT my problem is I can't get hard when trying to have sex... I have NEVER had this problem EVER in the past. I can even get hard as a rock on my own masterbating. I have have numerous convos with her about it and it always ends up the same thing... I know I don't have ED... cause I wouldn't be able to get hard anytime. I am wondering if it's psychological due to her not being a petite woman and that it's a control thing? Maybe that she is older??? I have been dating her for 4 months and can't even have sex with her so it makes me feel like CRAP and I am a pleaser. I have tried everything from masterbation with her, rubbing, foreplay, oral... EVERYTHING and still can't get hard... I am sooooo confused it isn't funny.. Can anyone her relate????
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male
reader, BrianK  +, writes (7 August 2008):
Hi Mate;The problem you have is ED the psychological version. You have caught yourself into a vicious circle where you are putting an unknown pressure on your self its is called 'performance anxiety'. To cure this problem is not to get frustrated or angry about the ability of not getting a erection, this will certainly keep your boy down. You need to relax and arrange sessions with your gf where sex intercourse is not the end goal, learn to touch and caress each other and appreciate the sensual feeling, and what ever you do with these sessions do not have intercourse. Repeat this 3 to 4 times it should cure. Don't make excuses come to terms that you are suffereng with abit of DF, it happens to us all the best of time at least once in our lives. Don't think about performing, just think about you relaxing and what you are feeling and whether you like what she is doing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): I stumbled onto this site seeking men opinion of this issue. I often wonder if my husband asks himself this same question and if the answer is YES! I have gained some weight over the years, but I am still an attractive woman, men flirt with me all the time. My husband still loves to have sex with me almost everyday.....but with a semi-hard d***! He will not admit he has a problem, insisting it is the same. He is always trying new innovative things to subconsciously make up for his deficiency in the bedroom. But it is frustrating for me because I know what I am use to and I want it back. Rather than, countless minutes, and sometimes hours of lustless pounding and sweating that I can't wait to end.
I respect you for admitting "you have a problem" and seeking advice. I think you should consider the fact that you have only been dating this woman 4 months; be open and honest with her about your issues with her physique and age before it goes any further. As a young man, you need to do what you need to do to figure out if the answer to your question is truly YES. Hence, see if you have this problem with "your type" petite women. And if not, move on to someone that you will be functional with, because I know sex is not supposed to be everything, but lets be honest, It Is.
Whether women admit it or not, everyone woman wants to go to bed with a nice hard d***, so don’t stick around making her all insecure – thinking something is wrong with her, when its really your psychological issues that has nothing to do with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): I found this through a google search for "I can only get hard" and it is crazy but I am in a similar predicament to you, i am going through a period when I want to leave my wife, our relationship is only held together by excellent sex, I met another girl, who although much younger is completely different, my wife is pettite bhrunette, brown eyes, straight hair, loud (in general and in bed) and the mistress is 6 foot tall blonde blue eyes, but quiet in every way. I, like you was amazed when it happened to me...i always get an erection fine, its just when i was about to actually have sex with the mistress that the erection just went, after the initial shock, i made an experiment and when I got home, slept with my wife again, which was fireworks as usual. I have resigned myself back to my wife, I don't wanna hurt the other girl because she is very good looking and a great person, just not my usual type. I really don't know what to suggest, although I can identify with you abit, I really think your problem is ONLY in your head. If you really think she is the one then work on it together, be totally and utterly honest with her despite the shame you probably feel(I know i did. or like me if you think the problems may be too much for both of you then move on beofre you hurt each other too much, whatever you do, or whatever has happened, goodluck to all who stumble on this page
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Yes!! I definately understand..When I masterbate I also get hard as a roc, but when trying to have sex...nothing, I've tried everything from viagra to livetra to even that crap on T.V. enzyte..My girlfreind is very very bueatiful and I'm extremely attracted to her..It' so embarrising bro!! I dont know what to say except I understand and it sux!! I'm only 28 and I know for a FACT im not gay, I will continue to research my problem..Good luck man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): I feel for you and her, only because I am in a similar situation. I am with a man that says he loves me, tells me I am beautiful and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He has a huge sex drive, but sometimes he can not get hard and other times we could be having sex and he goes limp. The first few times we tried to have sex he could not get hard at all. I had never had to deal with anything like this before. I started to internalize it, thinking I did not turn him on. We talked and he swears that is not the case. He drinks alot at times, and said he has had performance issues with that in the past. He also said he thought it was a performance anxiety issue. I did not know what to think. Now it is a crap shoot. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. It is very frustrating for me. When he is erect and we start having sex and he begins to loose it, he will stop give me oral and masturbate, usually this regains the erection and we can continue but not always. I want to do something to help, but I do not know what to do. He looks at porn on the internet often, and it causes me to wonder if I just do not do it for him. I do not know, and guess I may never know. For your sake, just communicate openly and honestly with her, and if you love her and are attracted to her, let her know, so she does not become selfconcious and feel something is wrong with her.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (30 July 2007):
 I supppose there's a psychological issue here. You're right: if you can have an erection masturbating, all the systems are functioning, except the psychological elements. Maybe you have performance anxiety?
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