A
female
age
30-35,
Tracewhy
writes:What do I do?My husband and I have been together for 12 years (married 7). About 3 years ago he had an affair, it was completely unexpected and I didn't realise we even had any problems. I forgave him and he promised me it was all over.About 6 months-1 year later I suspected he was still seeing her, he always denies it. We havn't had sex now for about 18 months, at first he was too tired, then he blatantly was not interested so I gave up as just felt I must be really ugly, or unsexy or just crap compared to the other woman. Anyway, last week I got back from playing sport and he'd left me a note saying he needed to get away for a bit and had rented a flat a couple of miles away.I am devestated I love him dearly, he will not talk about it, won't tell me what's wrong, he wouldn't when he had the affair either and now I'm stuck at home just crying all the time. He says he might come back, he might not, I still don't know if he is seeing the other woman or not, I have all her contact details should I contact her and find out. Should I cut my losses (I love him sooo much I cannot imagine doing this)Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): BLOODY GOOD RIDDANCE!!! Get a grip. He treats you like cr*p, cheats on you and you love him! What is wrong with you? He may come back. CHANGE THE LOCKS!!! Don't let him back into your life. What a bloody nerve some people have. You deserve better and do not settle for less! You are a beautiful person and do not let anyone else ever have you convinced that you are not. Never let anyone get you in this state of mind. You will survive. Time is the best healer, although i would be dancing around the room for joy if i was you. It is the best thing that could of happened - i am sure you will not feel this way for now, but you will. Be strong and you can keep in touch if you want. Don't let him come back.
Take care and loads of hugs from me to you.
xx
A
male
reader, Bigbowser2 +, writes (15 February 2007):
 Also its very upsetting that its making you feel like this :- "I must be really ugly, or unsexy or just crap compared to the other woman"
Just because he doesnt see it, it doesnt mean that you're not beautiful, dont let anybody ever bring you down like that
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A
male
reader, Bigbowser2 +, writes (15 February 2007):
I cant say that Im the most experienced in this field but I have been cheated on and I know how it feels.
You need to let him go, even though your heart might want him back its not the right thing to do. Give it some time and Im sure that you will be a better person for it.
Counciling might a good idea if its the thing for you. You're sure to mbe emotionally scarred by these events but you might feel more comfortable getting over it yourself. He obviously doesnt love you for who you are to do that to you. He's done it before, whats to say he wont do it again. I know from past experience that If anyone ever cheats on you, in anyway, then you need to get rid of them. A Leopard never changes its spots.
It must be so hard to imagine getting rid of him forever but he doesn't sound like he knows what he wants and hes left it too long to decide, hes been wasting your time and your love as it seems to me like he doesn't want it.
But... at the same time its your choice, if you really feel that you can forgive and forget, and can beleive that it wont happen again then it might be worth taking him back, but the paranoia you would suffer everytime hes not there or he goes out would be immense.
Let us know how it goes anyway - Good Luck and Best Wishes
xxx
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A
male
reader, Bigbowser2 +, writes (15 February 2007):
I cant say that Im the most experienced in this field but I have been cheated on and I know how it feels.
You need to let him go, even though your heart might want him back its not the right thing to do. Give it some time and Im sure that you will be a better person for it.
Counciling might a good idea if its the thing for you. You're sure to mbe emotionally scarred by these events but you might feel more comfortable getting over it yourself. He obviously doesnt love you for who you are to do that to you. He's done it before, whats to say he wont do it again. I know from past experience that If anyone ever cheats on you, in anyway, then you need to get rid of them. A Leopard never changes its spots.
It must be so hard to imagine getting rid of him forever but he doesn't sound like he knows what he wants and hes left it too long to decide, hes been wasting your time and your love as it seems to me like he doesn't want it.
But... at the same time its your choice, if you really feel that you can forgive and forget, and can beleive that it wont happen again then it might be worth taking him back, but the paranoia you would suffer everytime hes not there or he goes out would be immense.
Let us know how it goes anyway - Good Luck and Best Wishes
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007): This man, your husband-isn't good for you. He is emotionally unhealthy for you.
Why would you want someone who can abandon you time and again when he feels like it?
Please seek out some individual counselling to help you get to a stronger, happier mental and emotional state so you can see this with new eyes and realize that he doesn't know how to love you and may not even care to.
It sounds harsh but how much can you take with this emotional abuse?
I say counselling first.
And he needs to commit to a decision.
He sounds like someone who doesn't really understand the words compassion, consideration, respect, and love and what they mean and how you show these to someone you choose to have a life with.
Please work on getting stonger.
Best Wishes.
*hugs*
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