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I broke up with my ex, like a new girl but don't know if I should date her because it would ruin any future my ex and I might have

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Long distance, Teenage, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 October 2016) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 October 2016)
A male United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I'm 18 and in my first year at uni. Me and my long term (1 year and 3 months) girlfriend moved to different areas of the country for uni (about 1hour 30mins by car apart) and due to a number of reasons (including distance, lack of time for each other, worrying if they were okay etc) split up recently (3 weeks ago) but we didn't end on bad terms. I still love her and I know she's still got feelings for me but in the end we didn't work out so breaking up was the right thing to do at the time but since we've broke up we agreed we wanted to at least try to be friends and stay in each other's lives because we're so special to one another, but first we needed to give each other space to heal. We haven't spoken at all in nearly 2 weeks now and it's really messing with me because I've become very conflicted over it all; part of me wants to try again now because I know what I need to do to fix my problems with the relationship and because we were so good I don't wanna waste that spark, part of me has made peace with the fact that this is how it is for now and I can appreciate what we had was great but it's over now so it's time to close this chapter for now and who knows if it'll be reopened again in the future, and then part of me is fine with not being in a romantic relationship with her but is petrified that after all this time apart and completely shut off from one another we will have grown too distant to attempt a friendship and that's such a scary thought because of how important she is/was to me. To make things even more complicated another girl has recently come into my life and I think she's great, she's really really attractive, has a great personality, there's attraction on both sides of it and we click so well but this new girl doesn't know how recently I've become single and how I feel about my ex. I don't want to lead the new girl on and end up hurting her but at the same time since things are over with me and my ex (at least romantically) I feel like I should try to move on with my life but then if my ex found out about me and this new girl it'd push her further away and completely dash any chance of another relationship with her and the thought of her with anyone else breaks my heart so I imagine it would be similar for her and I don't want that to happen for obvious reasons. What do I do?!?!?

View related questions: broke up, move on, my ex, spark, split up

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A male reader, 111222 Australia +, writes (29 October 2016):

111222 agony auntI really don't think you guys will be able to remain friends. It sounds like a good idea in reality but do you really think you'd be abLe to keep it feth r if you heard the other was dating someone new? Especially if you hadn't gotten over each other yet.

I think you need to take some tim away from dating as I don't think it's fair to use this new girl as a way to get over your ex, it seems a little soon after the breakup to be getting romantically involved with someone else, unless you feel ready for it? That's for you to decide.

Who knows what will happen in the future between you and your ex? What I will say is you encounter some people that you will feel like you may spend the rest of your life with but it is a lot easier than you think to share great chemistry with someone else so I wouldn't worry about putting your lives on hold in the hope of having a reunion with each other some time down the line. Just live your lives, move on from each other and see where life takes you both.

Good luck.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (28 October 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYou stop leading the other girl on. Yes she may be a great girl but you are simply not ready. It has only been three weeks, take some time to be single. You will only hurt this new girl without realizing it if you are not honest with her, so just tell her the truth. At least she will know then where she stands.

As for your ex. It is sad because you both still love each other but life got in the way. It really is up to you both if you want to fight to be with each other. If you can't then staying friends is only going to prolong the pain. Friends would be okay if you knew for certain you both had a future, but sweetie you are so young. You are only 18. You should be enjoying uni life and not sitting at home heart broken.

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A female reader, Flabby Thighs United Kingdom +, writes (28 October 2016):

Just give yourself time. Hang out with this new girl as friends.. Do what feels right. Your paths may cross again in the future with the ex, but no-ones knows what going to happen. Take each day as it comes, everything is a bit raw at the moment so just relax and see what happens.

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