A
male
age
41-50,
*ysteryman382
writes:I've been with my g/f for about 3 years now. Everything was great until about a year ago. Now, unless I initiate the sex there is nothing. But the lack of sex isnt really my issue. Its that she just really shows no kind of interest in me or sex. We Argue about it all the time. She says she'd had this issue in another relationship. She's interested in sex but something stops her. She said she needs to go to her doctor. Hasn't yet and that was months ago. The first excuse was she doesn't have time to call. Then it was she doesn't have the number. Next was she had to see if it was covered under her insurance. I found out for her it was. Now its back to she doesn't have time to call. Excuses? Everytime I Bring it up she gets mad an we argue. Like I said its MOT really the lack of sex. Its just she shows no interest or emotions like that. Ladies please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 January 2008):
 What do you argue about? You should try to please her and agree or verify her feelings. You should think alike and not argue because this can hurt your relationship. This can spread to other areas in your relationship. When she does not like you , it will affect her outlook of you in every areas.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (29 January 2008):
 Being a man, I hope you don't mind me commenting. What sort of issues did she have in the past relationship. Was it the detachment as she's having with you?
Does she have any history or sexually based assaults in her past? This could range from childhood on up to where she is now, relative or non-relative. This could also include physical abuse, because of the lack of interest.
It sounds like she has one heck of a mental block going on there.
Let's look at "relationship" as a file. It takes two people to recieve and provide to the relationship. Take everything that goes along with it, and file it in the relationship file. You have love, trust, friendship, sex (hopefully soon for you), caring etc. Those are your general componants. When someone says I just got into a new relationship, those are what come to mind that are automatically included. Now take abuse, cheating, sexual assault, verbal mistreatment, control, etc. and add it. They then get files as componants of the "relationship. Now inside the relationship you have two individals. One is carying this past. Take one individual out. What you have left is one person, with all componants still remaining, even the hurtful ones.
Now our brains have the capasity to file trauma (that causes blocks), but it's not that good at separating the trauma and filing under different files. Now with you in this relaitonship, let's say she had been traumatized in some way in the past. Just one thing that you do that the brain sees as being in the past that hurt, triggers the block.
When studying this, I thought of a child. They put their hand on a stove they get burnt. They learn fairly quick not to do that because of the pain it causes. The next time, even if they are sure the stove is off, they'll proceed with extreme caution and fear of being hurt again.
In addition, her lack of interest could be due to getting hurt by someone she loves. The fear then is if allowing herself to feel or get too close to someone, then she'll end up getting hurt.
Find out what's causing this. I have a few different techniques in dealing with, lowering the affect of and possibly eliminating the affects that are taking place now. The casue determines which method to use.
Take care.
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