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I bought the ticket, now I am not sure if I should go or not!

Tagged as: Crushes, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2014) 6 Answers - (Newest, 3 September 2014)
A female Mexico age 22-25, anonymous writes:

This isn't really a big relationship questions, but it's bothering me a lot.

I met this guy from Germany last month, he was travelling around my country with his friends and we hung out a lot, eventually made out and had a really fun week together. We kept talking and he told me he was going to Peru for four months afterwards for a semester abroad. After that, him and his friends were planning to go down all the way to Argentina but he changed his plans for me and booked tickets back to my country in December to see me.

Anyways, he insisted I visit him in Peru, and I've always wanted to go so I went ahead and booked a ticket to visit him in late October (two months from now, that was probably a very stupid idea..). After I messaged him telling him that I had booked them, he said something that made me uneasy.. “Hey awesome, you are really going to Lima! At first I thought you were bluffing or it’s not going to work out for some reason. But you did it anyway.“ After that he also made plans and stuff, but I can't help feel a bit weird about him saying that? Maybe he didnt really want me to come and he just said it thinking I wouldn't do it?

The thing is... there is a girl he just met and she keeps posting things with him. Picture, statuses, etc. So I am a bit worried that he will end up telling me not to come now that I can't even cancel the tickets and get a refund..

Should I ask him? We never agreed it was a serious relationship or anything, so I am in no right to get angry at him, but I would like to know if I really should plan to go with him or maybe make plans of my own while in Peru..

Or am I just being completely paranoid?

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read and reply.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2014):

Thanks to everyone for the replies. He answered and told me he is very excited that I'm coming. However, he also told me that he has a tournament in another city on the first four days that I will be there, that everything will be paid and it should be an amazing experience but if it makes me angry, then he will not go. I found this extremely rude as he said the dates were fine but never cared to mention he would not be there almost half my trip. I think I will take your advice and just not plan the trip around him, I don't think I will see him at all considering how rude he is not that he is showing his true colors. Especially considering the fact that I let him and two friends stay at my place for five days and I let another friend of his stay another three nights, my family invited and payed for tickets to watch a futball game, payed their meals, etc. None of them even said thank you to my family. It's my fault, I should've seen it coming, but lesson learned! Thanks again :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2014):

Nothing he said sounds like you think it does, OP, it sounds to me like he was surprised you actually did it. Most people who make plans to travel with people they barely know and never follow through.

When I was travelling Europe I met lots of people who thought meeting me in another country would be awesome, we made plans and then just didn't follow through. It's kind of normal for travelling.

I say go, OP, but understand if he's with a new woman then your fling with him is over and just be there to enjoy Peru with a guy that is cool.

You are being paranoid, but that may be because you want to continue your romance and know that may not be possible.

Look if going there and him being with someone else is going to be too much for you then just get your money back. if you can go as a friend and enjoy your time even nothing happens between you and he then go, you'll have a great time.

OP he wouldn't be eager to make plans with you if he didn't want you to go.

If it helps at all clear the air about romance before you go, find out if he's seeing someone and talk about whether you and he will have another fling. There's no problem in finding that stuff out first if it'll make you feel more comfortable going.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 August 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntYou could ask, If he is in the slighest way a gentleman, he'll reply with a refund, other wise you're just screwed!

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A female reader, BettyBoup United Kingdom + , writes (31 August 2014):

BettyBoup agony auntOh no, that's an awkward situation. Yeah it sounds like at the time he was really up for you going to Peru to see him, but at the same time, like he didn't expect you to actually go for real. You said he changed his travel plans to come to visit you in December, so he was obviously into you if he changed his plans for you.

Why not say, hey you sounded surprised that I actually got the tickets to Lima, are you still happy for me to come? Yeah, askn where you stand and see what he says. Say you had planned to meet up with him, but if yhings have changed it's cool.

I guess if you can't get a refund or change the flight, you might as well go to Peru. But you don't have to plan around him, you could book onto a tour for some of the trip or go couchsurfing or travel around and stay in hostels. You can meet people that way. You said you've always wanted to go to Peru, so go and have an amazing time. I have travelled alone and it is liberating and you meet cool people along the way. Go for it.

Then again, he might still be very happy to see you in Lima. Just don't plan around him too much I guess, just in case.

Good luck and have fun.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2014):

I don't think he did not mean what he said for you to come. He was just pleasantly surprised, that's all.

With that said, it will be wise for you in a future just to count on yourself. People change their minds, their feelings change also. Their plans change, and circumstances. And in general people don't think much about other's traveling plans.

I travel a lot, make friends along the way. All of them are decent, nice people with good jobs and normal values. 90% of them act in a way that showed me how little I am on their minds. Here are examples: one guy I met in Miami. We made out too, even a bit more than just that. Next year we made plans for us to meet in his country. I came, but he did not mentioned to me that this was an exam week, and he had to study and take exams the whole week I was staying there. We went out once, and I never saw him again. I was mad. It was an unfamiliar for me country, I counted on him to show me around.

That was my experience #1. After that almost every encountered I had as like that.

Last year I met a guy and we planned to go to one of the very beatifull places together in his country. He told me he will show me around, he knows exactly where to go and what to see. I planned, I bought new clothes just for this trip. He knew I was going to travel before I come see him for 2 weeks. At the end of second week I emailed him, asking if we are still one, jokingly. No answer for 2 days. I started to worry.i texted him, and he answered that he will be busy for the days we were planning to go and only can go in 5 days. I didnt even answer him, I just went to a different country and had a great time there. He didnt think for a second that these tickets cost me money, that I can't just sit around waiting for him, paying for hotel and eating out.

This year I made plans with guys from Hungary. O, they said, it's so great you come here again , we ll have so much fun. They spent with me exactly one evening. And then they left for some festival.

Now I m going to Riga. I m supposed to see a couple or girls there. With such little the show in our communication, I doubt that I will see them at all

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (31 August 2014):

Danielepew agony auntI believe he's been hanging around with more than one girl during his trip, and probably isn't going to have a relationship with any.

He's studying and just having some semesters abroad (for the language and all), so he will go back to Germany. I don't think he will be taking any of you with him. He's taking steps towards his career, and I don't think he will take any detours.

Such is life.

If you want to go anyways, then ask him where you stand. Say that you're not going to be angry or anything, but ask him directly before you spend that money.

I think you want a serious relationship and I don't think he wants one.

¡Suerte, paisana! (Good luck, fellow Mexican!)

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