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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I hope there are some people on this site who can tell me what does male broodiness feel like? Recently my fiancée and i had an abortion (i know mixed feelings and all that). Also my mother had a new baby. The combination of these two things seems to have caused me to feel... broody? It's like a warm fuzzy feeling in my chest area whenever there is a slight mention of children, or i see a baby, or anything related to being a dad. Is this broodiness? What do i do? My partner does not want a baby yet at all.
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abortion, want a baby, want children Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 October 2017):
 My guess is that with the abortion and also the fact you have just become a brother to a baby that is probably why you are feeling the way that you are. It is normal to feel warm and fuzzy when you are wanting children, and it must be hard when you have both just had an abortion. Talk to your partner about how you are feeling, she may be able to help you. If you both want the same thing but she wants to wait until after education then I guess you need to try and see it as a good thing, babies are expensive.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2017): Why are you in a rush ?? She said she wants children just not yet so stop pressuring her ... have fun live a little, to whom said it was harder for the woman to have an abortion is crazy .. a much wanted baby by a man and to lose it is still massive heartache. ..but honestly she said she wants children in the future just have fun till then .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2017): I think you can live with your paternal-yearnings. If you have a new brother or sister; enjoy babysitting for your mom. It's good practice.
I really think this is about getting back at your fiance; and imposing motherhood on her by way of guilt. An abortion is not a tooth-extraction. She made a very hard decision.
It affected her way more than it affects you.
Were you engaged at the time of the abortion? I think parenthood is best after marriage; and when your life is somewhat in order. Maybe that's where your fiance's head is at.
You're in your early twenties; and apparently she has some goals she'd like to achieve before motherhood.
Since you don't have to carry a child in your belly for nine-months and push it out; I suppose you can wait until she is ready to do that for you. Then you'll both be on the same page about it.
Parenthood goes best when it's planned, prepared for, and both parents are ready to make that step together.
After marriage is really a good place to start a family. I mean it really works for most people.
Starting families with boyfriends and fiances is often a little risky for women these days. Men turn into traveling sperm-donors when fatherhood doesn't seem to be a good fit. Women end-up being struggling single-moms with their dreams either dashed or on-hold. While he decided maybe he'd rather be single a little longer, or isn't ready for so much responsibility. Poll a survey with single-mom's. I think they'll back my advice.
I think your fiance is right. Wait until you're married, and she is ready to be a mother.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2017): Do you mean he doesn’t want children ever? Or just in the time being?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2017): Sorry but it sounds like a deal breaker to me. Trying to change another person's mind in this matter Will be too painful, too much time. Another thought. You can really LOVE someone, but that doesn't mean they are good for you and your life.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (4 October 2017):
 If you are dying of thirst, and in need of a glass water. But someone gave you a glass of Vodka. Should you just accept it, gulp it down, and hope for the best???
Here is what I do not understand. People know how to make simple decisions on what the want to eat, drink, and clothes to wear. But making a simple decision to better their lives...NOPE!!!
You want a family...partner does not. Hmmmm. So let's see...You will stick around and battle someone who does not want what you want, in the hopes of changing their mind. This may take years, but no...best thing to do is create grief and resentment for yourself.
Let me guess your answer..."It is not that simple, because I love my partner."
You still have your life to live. No matter who you are with, or how long you are with them. They cannot live your life for you. So if you want kids...then be with someone who has the same interest as you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2017): I think you misunderstood or i didn't make it clear. She says all the time that she wants children.. just not yet, we're both in uni, but that still leaves me feeling the same way
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 October 2017):
 Sounds like there is a huge disconnect here between you and your fiance.
If you WANT kids and she doesn't - how is that going to work? Marriage won't change that.
Do you think either of you should just "suck it up? Because that will just cause resentment down the line. And either of you REALLY changing your minds isn't something either of you should bet on.
Is there such a thing as male broodiness? Sure. Why not? As any species, we are here to procreate. Some CHOOSE not to for various reasons but genetically? That is what we are programmed to do.
Why are you felling it now? Well, it can be a combination of the new baby and the abortion. If the Fiance and you haven't dealt with the emotions, the loss (because for many it IS a real loss) - which means if you two haven't' really dealt with this, it will affect you both. Maybe her more than you, because she also went through the PHYSICAL side of the abortion, the surge in hormones etc. etc. But that doesn't mean YOUR feelings aren't VALID in all this.
You AND your fiance need to deal with that.
And AFTER... then you (YES YOU) need to decide if a life without kids is something you REALLY want or NOT. If you want kids, maybe your fiance is not really the right person for you. As much as that sucks.
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