A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am in need of some advice. There is a guy on my sports team who when we first met I kept catching him glancing over to me and when our eyes met we would smile and look away shyly. This happened over several months. We started talking more and more and at the end of training sessions he would wait so we could walk to the car park together. I'm not the sort of girl who is confident with guys, but when my best friend told me she made the first move with a guy in her block and he said yes , I thought what can I lose from asking him to hang out. So I text him to see if he wanted to go for a drink sometime. I had prepared myself for different replies, yes, no, sorry I've got a girlfriend, I just see you as a friend. But the reply I got was ..."sorry but I'm trapped in a unhappy relationship. ... If I was single I would have said yes without hesitation, a large part of me wishes I were... "Before he'd seen it he replied again saying sorry that was really rude I should not have put my relationship problems onto you. He then tried to carry on a normal conversation.I don't know what to do. I don't know whether to walk away or carry on as we were before? He is a shy guy so It sounds to me like he is keeping is relationship problems bottled up. Should I offer to listen if he wants to talk about it or would that be too awkward now I've declared an interest? I like him so I don't like the thought of him being unhappy. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks :)
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (17 March 2015):
 Could be he just had a fight with the GF, and he was venting, that is WHY he retracted his "statement" and apologized to you and in a way to his GF. Because he DID sorta talk smack about her and he know he came off a dick of a BF.
Just ignore the statement. Pretend he never said it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 March 2015):
 He's letting you know that the relationship may not be long for this world and he may be available for that drink sooner rather than later.
You asked
the ball is in his court to end the current relationship.
just carry on like he said "sorry I can't have have a gf" and leave it at that. He will let you know when (and if) he's done with her...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the answers that is what I have done anyway. (Just carrying on as friends) I would of never tried to split them up. That is just not me. I was just puzzling over is motive behind the extended answer. It would have been so much easier to carry on as friends without the awkwardness if he'd replied "sorry I'm in a relationship" .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2015): I say do not continue to go on the way you were before, which is getting close to starting a relationship. He is already in one. Do not listen or offer to listen to any relationship issues. If you do that you are having an emotional affair with him. Don't be the other woman. Put some distance between you. Do not text him anymore, or respond to any of his. You need to stop this now for his good and yours. If he is really unhappy he will have to fix that himself.If he asks you can tell him the truth: that you are not interested in getting to know him better or staying friends because he is already in a relationship, and was leading you on despite this. Dick move.Sorry about your feelings getting hurt, but better you know now so you can stay away and not get involved. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 March 2015):
He's a class act. He told you the truth.
let him be. if he gets out of his relationship I'm sure he will let you know
until then... keep it just as casual friends at the event you attend together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2015): "Cut your losses, that's the baiting the water for an affair answer."
That is what came to my mind as well. Just keep things as they are. Don't get involved with him. You will end up hurt,
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A
female
reader, jaquie +, writes (17 March 2015):
I think that for now you should just think of him as a teammate or just a friend. DO NOT pursue him as more than a freind, the last thing you need is an angry girlfriend coming at you. If he has real feelings for you he would end his current relationship. If he ends his current relationship for you try not to go on an official "date" until 2 or 3 weeks after they break up.
I wish you the best of luck with him!
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (17 March 2015):
 Whether happy or not, his main point is to let you know he's in a relationship. He will not go out to have drinks with you or anywhere alone with you. I find it to be a very respectful answer.
He tried to carry on a normal conversation with you because he still wants an amicable relationship with you, his team mate.
I would treat him like any other team mate and enjoy the sport together. Definitely do not try to get too close by asking about his relationship issues.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2015): Don't be a dick. He's in a relationsship, he may have said he's unhappy but the fact he's in a relationship still stands so grow some self respect and leave him be!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 March 2015):
I'd leave him be. Whether the relationship is miserable or not.. It's UP to him to either FIX his relationship OR END it. You aren't really a close friend so trying to be his "confidant" or "shoulder to cry" on is NOT a good idea, specially since you have feelings for him.
Just REGARD him as a team mate, no more.
IF he later on becomes single... you can get to know him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2015): cut your losses, that's the baiting the water for an affair answer.
one isn't trapped in an unhappy relationship, they stay of their own dree will, if he were unhappy enough he would leave.
see it for what it is. He has a girlfriend, he is not available, treat him as such.
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