A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:Okay, I had this friend a couple of years ago who I used to hang out with. We originally went to school together, and years later bumped into each other in a gay club (I'm not open about my sexuality to any of my friends). I then broke down, sobbing and told him everything, wary of attempting lie about it. We started hanging out together. Back then, he was very domineering and with other people quite manipulative and dismissive. But I could see, he was genuinly fond of me. He's quite a big guy, with a high tone voice and not by society's standards attractive looking, and this makes him very insecure and paranoid. Anyway we hung out a lot for the a couple of months, and I enjoyed all the places we went and meeting his many interesting and cool friends. But I wasn't particularly keen on him at least not in any way other than a casual friend. Things were thrown into chaos when one episode after going out clubbing and drinking, I woke up half way through the night to discover him with his hand crawling down my underpants, I asked him what he was doing and he mumbled something about being drunk and stumbled back to his bed. At first I was convinced this might have been a dream and I had imagined it all in a drunken stupor. Until a few months later after a night out, we ended up sleeping in the same bed (he begged me because his their was no night transport and I had no spare bed or sofa for him to crash on). I made it clear that we slept on different sides of the bed. In this instance, I was not drunk and while I slept very lightly he propped up to double check I was a sleeping and started trying to touch me up. Immediately I confronted him and asked him to leave my house. I received a barrage of texts and phonecalls which I responded to at first and then started to ignore as I decided to phase him out. Since then every 6 months I hve been receiving facebook messages and freind requests from him, this has been the case for the last years later. I have received another series of these now. I am tempted to befriend him again, but only on the basis that I would like to meet up with his friends again and make contacts with them, some of whom are very well connected. I know this is cunning and I am purely doing it for my own gains. But at the same time, I feel like he took advantage of me, and the least he can do is help me out, in a way which doesnt harm him. Again I reiterate I have no interest in his friendship, but I realise the benefits could be great with the contact he will give me (maybe out of guilt, or maybe to impress me). My only concern about doing this is he seems like someone with questionable morals and might either out me to my friends or blackmail me if I don't play ball. Also,the fact for two years with little or no response he has still continued to get in touch, shows stalker tendencies if not sheer determination, I can't decide.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 November 2008):
 This is like a scene in one of those horror movies. You want to shout at the teenagers on the screen, "NOOOOO!!!! Don't go in that building! Don't open that door! You KNOW how this is going to turn out!!!!!"
And I'm with Dr. Pete on his friends; how great can they be if they put up with a nutcase? This guy has issues; why reintroduce them to your life?
NOOOO!!!! Stay out of that building!!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): I agree, it sounds like it could involve a lot of drama if you let him back in to your life, and if he is as strange as you describe him then I doubt his friends can really be that great?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): Tempting bait, but don't take it.
Please realize that any positive action on your part will validate him. He will see it as a pardon; that he's actions weren't that bad if you're back and talking to him. It doesn't matter what message you want or try to send, what matters is what message he will hear. He will do so with his own paradigm.
In the first instance, he justified himself as being drunk. In the second instance he must have justified himself on his way out the door. Now he's spent 2 years trying to justify himself and if you let him you will be back at square one based on his character.
So you want to get these contacts?
First, he has a reputation. You would be introduced and you will be labeled and seen from that point on as the friend of X and coloured and qualified accordingly in their minds depending on their impression of X.
You're only as good as the company you keep.
You may not even suspect the #@$#@ under the surface in his circle of friends. If a path looks like a bad choice (following this connection) don't take it. Even if it is seductive. More problems will come. The fact that you're unsure and undecided means you have thought long enough or appreciated the magnitude of how messed up things could get once you go down that rabbit hole.
All the best,
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