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I am still breast feeding my school aged child

Tagged as: Family, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 July 2017) 13 Answers - (Newest, 2 July 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I do not see a problem with this however I wondered what the general consensus would be .... I am breastfeeding an almost 7 year old? I am quite out spoken about breastfeeding but a side from close family and friends, no one knows that we are still breastfeeding. It has been quite a natural progression. Nothing sexual or weird about it, and specifically not for my benefit as I often get kicked in the head during feeds. However it has been great for our mother/son bond and I will be sad when are breastfeeding journey is over, likely in the next year or two as losing baby teeth help to naturally wean. What are the thoughts of the average person? Is it still weird or has society got used to the fact there are people who live life along to the beat of their own drum? Would you ever consider going as long? Or do you know anyone?

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (2 July 2017):

janniepeg agony aunthttp://www.iamnotthebabysitter.com/breastfeeding-and-worldwide-average-age-of-weaning-2/

This gives you an idea of how you compare to mothers of the world. If your son goes to school and is not homeschooled by you, he would the most get three feedings (night time, waking up, mid day) from you. The quality of the milk goes down significantly (I know some may argue this) once you are not feeding around the clock, like every two hours. He does not need human milk for nutrition. Maybe he gets the benefit of bonding and also he gets relaxed enough to go to sleep at night. You do not mention other children. Older children who still suck on the breast may have younger newborn siblings and may miss the taste of milk, or feel jealousy towards the baby that he/she wants to regress into babyhood.

Society will think it is a weird thing to breastfeed beyond the age of three. It is not something to get used to since you are not telling people outside of friends and family.

I have heard people who do it when the kid is 7. I would not go that long. I understand how mothers get hooked by it and it's hard to let go. Breastfeeding gives you a natural high and a sense of sacred fulfilment as a mother. However, if you have to tell your son not to tell his school mates who would probably make fun of him because of this, the embarrassment and the possible harassing would be a reason for most mothers to stop. Being respected in society and feeling normal would always be more important than preserving what traditional, tribal people did. I don't see society openly accepting late weaning anytime at all. Especially nowadays kids are presexualized at a young age. You can shield them from sexual influences on the media, but it's hard once they go to school and other kids dress provocatively or talk about sex. I do think it's a good thing that boys can view breasts as something beautiful, biological and sacred instead of titties, hooters, a sexual obsession but I also think your son needs to be aware that most other kids do not have this connection with their mothers and that most people find it weird. I don't think breast feeding for a long time would scar a child mentally. If it does, it's because the majority in society doesn't accept it, not because of the act itself. If it's true that late weaning does harm to the child, then many children in non western countries have mental problems or attachment issues. It is not ours to judge how to parent. A child's background comes from how you raise him but the rest, the adult life is up to him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017):

Cindycare - you need only google "extended breastfeeding" , "natural term breastfeeding" or "breastfeeding a 7 year old" to find stories of children being fed for longer periods than you have previously encountered. It happens more than most realise but as a society, we don't tend to talk about it. Original poster may not like our answers but at least she has made a few of you aware that this is in fact a possibility. I have never encountered a 7 year old breastfeeding but I have seen a couple of 5 year olds.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017):

I'm curious as to why you ask the question too. What's the point of getting a consensus? Are you going to change your actions or beliefs?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017):

My only question is, when do you plan to stop?

He's a male child past the toddler stage; and needs to be taught to be independent; and how to feel secure that he can function without being over-protected, or coddled like an infant.

I've read tons of stuff going back and forth on this subject; and this is not the first time I've heard of it. I only wonder why it is necessary for a child who can eat solid food and get nourishment through other sources? I think it's more for you than it is for him. It's unnecessary and I won't hesitate to say somewhat strange. Opinions may vary; but I only see it doing more harm than good.

You said "an almost 7 year-old." If this is true, I can only see him becoming needy and clingy. If this continues, the older he gets the more I can see wrong with this.

You must have some reservations about it, because you keep it secret. How does his father feel about it?

I don't know how many fathers would approve, and the number must be quite minimal. It is unsettling when adults impose and practice unusual philosophies or new-age theories on their children.

If you meant 7 months, I don't see any problem up until feeding becomes very uncomfortable for you. His teething might put an end to it. Apparently it hasn't thus far. You seem willing to bear the pain.

I can see even up to a year-old; beyond that, my opinion is you may need to see a therapist to determine why you must continue doing this. The child, even at seven years old, has no choice; if you insist on it. There is a point older children resist being babied. So I have to wonder.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (2 July 2017):

CindyCares agony auntOh society has got used to the fact that there are people who live life along to the beat of their own drum; it's the solitary drummers who won't get used to the fact that other people do not have to applaude or approve their different drumbeat, and they have any right to find it jarring to the ears,i.e. bizarre, weird, inappropriate, morbid or creepy.

Do you want to breastfeed a school age child waaay beyond the age breastfeeding is necessary / useful / appropriate to the child's developmental stage ? Go ahead, you can do it- you won't be jailed, you won't be fined.

Do you want the average person , or society , not to find it bizarre or cringeworthy ? Sorry , that you can't have it.

As a matter of fact, I am not even sure you are not simply winding us up. I have trouble assuming that yours is a legit question. Could be- DC has seen his fill of unusual predicaments. On the other end, while I have met and heard of mothers who protract breastfeeding until 2 or 3 years ( generally mothers from non Western cultures, and this is not a critique of non Western cultures,it is just a statement of a fact ) I have never ,ever met or heard of a breastfed 7 yrs.old child, nowhere , West or East,North or South.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (2 July 2017):

YouWish agony auntI'll just say it! 7 years old is way too long. I believe that breastfeeding is for babies, not children halfway to puberty. It's one thing if they're toddlers, like 2-3 years old, especially if they were born premature and are catching up developmentally, but a SEVEN YEAR OLD kid is feeding him or herself and should be learning independence and gaining SOCIAL bonds with the world around them.

Maybe you're getting kicked in the head for a reason! And how the hell is THAT happening? Is he breastfeeding in bed upside down?! Why aren't his feet in the same direction your feet are?? Maybe subconsciously, your kid is giving you his feet because enough is enough?? It sounds like the person who's got a hard time letting go is you, calling breastfeeding a "journey" and expressing sadness at it being over.

You say that close family and friends know that you're breastfeeding your 7-year old, and that you are "quite outspoken" about it? Do you even allow people in your family to say anything dissenting about it? What does your son's father have to say about it, or is he not in yours and your son's life??

Also, does your 7-year old have sleepovers with other friends? Has he ever been to summer camp or day camp or events where he is away from you overnight?? See, this is when these things start to happen!

I'm saying this right now, and you can take it how you will, but I think you know that now is the time to do the right thing and end the breastfeeding. You don't need it for a mother/son bond, and it needs a chance to grow in a healthy way. Your primary job as a parent is to prepare him and train him to become a strong and good adult, who faces the world with all of the physical and emotional tools needed to live and thrive. There comes a time when you can choose to infantilize him, OR to equip him. He will always love and care for you, but there is a time and season for everything, and it's past time that breastfeeding is no longer a part of your mother/son bond.

Let him go. Let it go. You can bond just as well over a grilled cheese sandwich and some tomato basil soup! It's time for him to be eye level with your eyes, not your nipples.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (2 July 2017):

Honeypie agony auntAs a woman who has breastfed 3 children, I'd say I speak from experience of sorts.

A child will NATURALLY disengage the nursing themselves once they start on solid foods, start being mobile (walk/crawling) and once the breastmilk STOP being a source of nutrition. When that happens varies. My oldest was 19 months, my second was 13 months and my last kiddo was 16 months when she stopped nursing.

I don't think you are doing your son ANY favors by nursing him at age 7. If you can't bond with your child without him having your boob in your mouth you have other issues.

Do I think it will harm him? No. I just think it's time to keep the shirt down and the boob in. It's not like you can't sit on the couch, snuggle up and read a book or watch a tv show, talk about his/your day.

But that is me PERSONALLY. If this works for you and your son, who am I to judge? I don't really SEE the need to breastfeed THAT long but you do you.

My question to you, OP is WHO initiate these breastfeeding sessions? YOU or him?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017):

Is is 7 YEARS and said child is VERY bright - school is not a consideration at all in this situation. You get kicked in the head when you have a wiggler, mix yoga and breastfeeding then you'll have an idea as to how that can happen :) Always practiced attachment parenting.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (2 July 2017):

chigirl agony auntYou should ask your doctor if there are any negative side effects as far as the development of your child goes. That would be my only concern. No, I don't know anyone who breast feeds that late, and in my unprofessional opinion I would think that you're slowing his development down by treating him like a baby still and not letting him develop his independence. I hope he eats on his own in addition? If breast feeding is only for a snuggle and to keep a close bond between you, then sure, why not. But other than that I see little point in continuing with it, and he will be bullied in school if the other kids find out. Because none of the other kids get breast fed this long, and you know how kids like to pick on whoever stands out and is different. You as an adult might be able to shrug it off, but your kid won't.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017):

If you don't see a problem tell your friends and family you're breastfeeding a seven year old. You won't because you know this is inappropriate.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017):

The doctors encourage breastfeeding at least till the child is two yrs old as mothers milk has untold benefits to childs growth but to be honest I am not a psychologist or as specialist but despite that as a father I would venture to say that breastfeeding to such a late age probably would have adverse psychological effect on the childs developement and maturity. I can be wrong though.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (2 July 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntAs your first words are "I do not see a problem with this", I wonder why you feel the need to ask this question?

Why would you even CARE what the "general consensus" was on this if you are convinced it is right for you and your son? Surely, as his mother, your views on this subject are the only ones which matter and you are doing what you are doing because you believe it is in his best interests?

Why would anyone outside of your immediate family and circle of friends even need to know that you are breast feeding?

I do wonder how you manage to get kicked in the head when breast feeding a 7 year old but that is for MY brain to figure out the logistics!

In any "general consensus" you will get a range of opinions, from one extreme to the other. Will any of these opinions make you feel any differently? In any case, it is done now so it is not even like you can change anything. Are you looking for affirmation that you are right in doing what you are doing? You don't sound like you NEED affirmation from anyone but, on the other hand, if you were totally secure in your choice, would you be asking this question?

So many questions.

I will not tell you my own personal opinion on this because, firstly, I do not think it would be helpful in any way, shape or form, and secondly, because it is irrelevant what anyone else thinks. This is YOUR relationship with YOUR son. I am sure YOU believe you are doing what is best for you both. Why should anyone else's opinion even matter to you? I do wonder if someone in your family or circle of friends has expressed an opinion which has prompted you to ask the question in public?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2017):

It seems excessively long and I think your "baby" son is quite probably more in charge of the timeline of change than you are.

There is no need for feeding as the young lad is quite capable of putting food in his mouth and chomping away.

You have been scared to move forward with weaning.

It is entirely a mothers decision but this process normally starts much earlier.

Now that your child has an adequate level of development you can firstly talk about this.

The conversation should be around the fact that their is no longer a need for feeding from the breast and that the 'milk shop 'is now closed for good.

The child can have milkshakes of chocolate, banana, vanilla etc and also pizza!

So its your time to put up with tantrums tears and bawlings until the lad accepts its over.

But quite possibly the lad senses itsn an emotional need in you and would be happy to drop this unwanted habit.

I would say its borderline on needing intervention because this is vastly abnormal for a seven year old.

Are you sure you didnt get muddled and mean 7 month old baby?

If thats the case you must substitute food and drink and stop offering emotional comfort via feeding.

Get a dummy if he still needs to suck but the best thing is to take a night of hell where baby cries his lungs dry and falls asleep.

Baby will sleep through night feeds after you have taken yourself away from his availability at nights.

Introduce the plastic cup with a feeding spout and skip the bottle entirely.

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