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I am obsessed with my colleague, do you think she will be receptive to my attempts to be her friend again?

Tagged as: Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 June 2015) 11 Answers - (Newest, 24 September 2016)
A male United States age , *llenwhite writes:

I'm not really writing this to find a solution to a problem. I don't really think there is a solution. I just needed to express something. I'm a married male father of four and I would consider myself happily married. About five years ago, there was a new lady who came to work in our office. Now when I say she is attractive, I mean the first thing you would think of when you see her is how pretty she is. I couldn't even imagine a woman possibly being prettier than her. I managed to develop a friendship with her and we would have lunch together once in a while. The little time I spent with her I felt like I had been momentarily admitted into the gates of heaven. I'm 59 yrs old and consider myself a fairly handsome specimen of a man. She is 11 yrs younger than me. It's been five years now that we have been working together and she has burned a hole in my heart like I thought nothing ever could. Our relationship has cooled off a little bit in the last year and a half and I hardly ever get to speak with her anymore. I am completely, utterly, and totally obsessed with her. She was very nice to me on several occasions, stopping by my desk, stopping at the shredder to talk with me and so on. I pine for her ceaselessly. I am extremely depressed that I cannot have her. I am thankful for my wife's support. She does not know about her of course. Of all the women I have ever met, none has ever come close to having the effect that this girl has. Talk about the heart wanting what it wants! I want to talk with her again but I am so afraid that she will not want to have anything to do with me. If I treat her very well, my question to anyone reading this is, do you think she will be receptive to my attempts to be her friend again? I'm at the point now where nothing else matters. I can't be happy anymore with the things that used to make me happy. My mind is consumed with the thought of her very fair face. An angel has come into my life and there is nothing I can do about it.

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A male reader, Allenwhite United States +, writes (24 September 2016):

Allenwhite is verified as being by the original poster of the question

so here it is more than a year later and she is still THE most beautiful thing I have ever seen on this earth. Nothing has gotten better. I still adore her.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (1 July 2015):

eyeswideopen agony auntOP you should watch the movie "American Beauty".

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2015):

It's amazing how men can be so totally turned into putty at the site of an attractive woman. Make me realise what a massive risk it is for women to marry , knowing we all age yet for men , the next pretty wan is all it takes to completely disrespect his wife

Op you came on here and said that you do respect this woman!!! The funny thing is , no one really seems to be asking about that . We are all asking why you don't act with reapect towards your wife but you have not addressed that ?

You are behaving like a fool and using lame terms like she is sent from heaven and you have been touched by a supernatural force

Wake up man!!!! NO your just behaving like a horny old man who doesn't give a damn about his wife.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (30 June 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntYou could pursue this (girl) and F%#K up your marriage.... OR.... you could wake up and figure out that this teenage obsession is just that (an obsession) that should be kept in your personal (mental) closet.... and NOT acted upon....

Good luck...

P.S. Been there; done that... the results SUCK!!!

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom +, writes (30 June 2015):

I feel you should stop disrespecting your wife and either leave her so you can moon over this other woman all you like, or forget the other woman and focus your romantic intentions where they should be focused - within your marriage.

And stop making out as if this is beyond your control. She has not been sent from heaven to you, she is a pretty woman who you have put on a pedestal. Nothing more! This is a simple crush and you are feeding it by continuing to obsess over her.

Don't you care how your wife would feel if she knew? Honestly, I can't believe you can be so cruel and think it's ok.

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A male reader, Allenwhite United States +, writes (30 June 2015):

Allenwhite is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I am thankful for your answers. They were fairly brutally honest! I admit I am somewhat of a dreamer but sincerely feel I have been touched in a supernatural way with is girl. She is extra-ordinarily beautiful and you must never underestimate the power that is in the gaze of an extremely beautiful woman like that to a to a man of my thinking. I do respect her. A LOT! Thanks for your responses. please let me know how you feel...

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (30 June 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntGet yourself to the doctor, tell him (or her) your situation and get your hormones checked. Also ask about a full mental and physical health work up; what needs to be tested and evaluated. See a neurologist, perhaps?

In the meantime, try to imagine this from your wife's perspective. Or try to imagine your wife having similar feelings for another man.

So, now that you've expressed yourself, have professed this obsession for your colleague, do you feel better? I rather doubt that you will, so get yourself to the doctor ASAP, you sound a bit, well, unbalanced for a purportedly happily married man....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 June 2015):

Honeypie agony auntTalk about being DELUSIONAL!

You are not some love struck teenager, you are (supposedly) a GROWN ASS man with a wife at home, and mooning over another woman at work, how utterly inappropriate!

You don't want a friendship you want to be her little moon so you can orbit her and soak up some attention and affections.

What you are describing is VERY much akin to an emotional affair. You are so "enchanted" with her you call yourself obsessed... Eh... since when is that OK in a marriage when one of the spouses are LUSTING after someone besides the other spouse?

SHE backed off because you CAME on strong, too strong for it to be an appropriate work relationship (in her eyes). Now I GET having a work-wife (or work-husband) someone whom you work well with and get along with like white on rice, but what you are describing is YOU obsessing over her, and her backing away because you crossed HER boundaries of WHAT she is comfortable. I bet you she finds you down right creepy now, that is why she backed off.

You pine for her? Yeah - CREEPY.

You are OBSESSED with her? Yeah - CREEPY.

Wake up and smell the coffee. And behave like a professional and a GROWN up. HAVE some RESPECT for her.

She is not an "angle" sent to torment or PLEASE you. She is a lady who happens to be good looking and nice - but she has figured you out and BACK FAR away... An I don't blame her.

You whole post screams CREEPY & DELUSIONAL.

I feel so sorry for both her and your wife.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2015):

Oh wow , you barely even mentiom your wife and have awarded this woman with supernatural 'angel' qualities . I feel that regardless of whether you have a chance with this other woman or not, you owe it to your wife to end the martiage and let her read this very strange obsessive post about this other woman. Your wife deserves to know that she has been clearly relegated to second choice in your eyes and in your heart.

No woman deserves to be wasting her life with a man who feels this strongly about another woman, eapecially not spmeone who has given you four children and many years. The only person I am feeling for is your wife. What an incredible waste of her life and how devastating to be married to a man who thinks another woman is the incarnation of the very sun itself

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A female reader, Wilting United Kingdom +, writes (29 June 2015):

You know, it sounds to me like you are more in love with the thought of her. Happily married you say, but maybe things are a little complacent at home.?The reality is, if you've obsessed this long, you would very likely be disappointed with the reality if ever it happened. You can admire from afar, be a friend when invited but be thankful for your wife and marriage...it would be a lot to lose.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2015):

first of all-I'm replying coz I'm hoping this is not some kinda sick joke coz it certainly sounds like it.

2nd- a really pretty face? That's ALL it takes??? How can you men be SO influenced by it??? I just don't get it.

3rd=solution. Leave her WELL ALONE (you're married with kids!) and whenever you start thinking of "her angelic face" start imagining her at 80 years' old and looking like a dried up prune. Mental exercise. You have to wean yourself off the drug...

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