A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just got married a few months ago. I am not happy with the marriage. I am not in love with my husband. I made a mistake getting married. I knew in my heart that it wasn't right for me, but there was a glimmer of hope things would change after we married, so I went through with the wedding. Things haven't. I just feel more isolated than I did before and stuck.I need strength to leave him because I do not want to live this way. I am still fairly young (30s) and do not want to waste anymore time. Has anyone reading this gone through something similar and had the strength to leave? What is your story?
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female
reader, Risingfromashes +, writes (22 January 2010):
Never get married again unless you know what you want for sure, in fact you should probably just never get married again. Leave the good men to those who are loyal and committed. You are disrespecting what marriage stands for, but will more if you end up cheating/resenting him your whole life. End it now and please tell him he can get help here if he doesn't have a stable ring of friends/family. I can relate to what he's about to go through. Take care please.
A
female
reader, Bonc  +, writes (22 January 2010):
Hi,I was in the exact same boat as you are in. I was with someone for almost 10 years (married for 7) but never really loved him. I, like you, thought I would marry someone who I could rely on and would be a good father. He was a good man and everyone loved him and I thought it was the right thing to do and I thought I would 'grow' to love him. However, unfortunately it didn't happen. We were never friends in any way shape or form, didn't agree on things ranging from the most trivial to the most serious and I never, EVER felt that spark. My background is of European heritage and in my culture divorce is frowned upon. It made making the decision to divorce him very difficult with unanticipated negative responses from certain family members and friends. It was a difficult choice to make however I had to do what was right for both myself and also for him. It wasn't fair for either of us to be in a relationship where one party did not love the other. In the end, we divorced after close to seven years of marriage and my only regret is that I didn't do it earlier. I won't lie to you, the process is difficult and I think there are many people who face the same predicament as you (and that I once did) but choose the safer option of just staying together. In my case, I didn't want to look back at my life when I was 60 regretting the decisions I made. I'm 37 now, and although the process was difficult, I'm glad I made that choice.I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make...Best of Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for responding. It is good to hear two sides.I take full responsibility for my actions. I should not have married him. I did and my heart and soul are paying the price.I have been with my husband for four years (married 4 months and committed for the rest). Our relationship was at the point of either marriage or ending the relationship. I have broken off the relationship twice. It is his reaction to the break-up that made me go back to him. He was so hurt and so upset. He cried everyday. Seeing him react this way, did crazy things to my head. On one hand, I thought he was behaving like a immature boy and on the other hand, I thought "wow, he really loves me. Will I ever find a man who will love me this much?"My parents are still married over 40 years and his parents over 45 years. It is not in my upbringing to marry and divorce either. What is wrong is that there is no connection between us, only disconnect. Our communication is horrible. We rarely agree with anything. We have different social circles, different interests. We sleep in seperate beds, mostly because he snores terribly loud, and he drinks too much. In retrospect, I have stayed with him because I felt he needed my help with his alcholism. I was afraid of what would happen to him without me. The benefit of marrying him for me is/was a someone who I could rely on and a man who would make a loving father. Who I failed was my heart. I heard my heart saying that "he is not the man for you. follow your heart." My head was telling me that it was time to get married.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (21 January 2010):
 Before you waste any more of his or your time, let him know that you would like a divorce. I know it seems like a daunting task, but in this situation, there is no better time than the present. Don't drag this on for months or years because you are afraid to man "woman" up to this situation. The worst thing to that can happen now is you getting pregnant with a man you don't love.
End this now. For both of your well beings.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, monkiegurl +, writes (21 January 2010):
my question to you is? If you KNEW you werent happy and in love with him before you got married WHY did you marry? Have you talked to him about your feelings toward him, with your lives together? what made you proceed this far...
I'm sorry but i personally disagree of the thought with divorses mainly because my parents 26yrs , and both my grandparents are still together alomst 50+years . and i beleive you shouldnt marry unless you know you are willing to stick by that persons side the rest of your lifes.
What is so worng with your marraige? is there ways you two can overcome and work on fixing or is it just , what was the benefit of why you married this man?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (21 January 2010):
 My story is not similar to yours but I had the strength to leave my marriage even after having a kid. I understand, getting married is a much more simpler process than getting divorced, but your life would be so much better for the long run.
He would rather have you tell him you are not in love with him, than to waste time suspecting something's wrong.
You don't need any particular strength. Your not being in love is a good enough reason. Since it's early, you can get an annullment.
If you read other posts here, you would find out there are so many people who's involved with the wrong person (no matter how long they've been together), you don't want to become one of them.
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