A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:im married to a guy who has been seen by my family. i was in relationship with a guy for 4 years before my wedding but he left me for another girl. so in that anger i just accepted for this wedding. my husband is really a nice person. he knows my past too. but im still in love with my ex. i just couldn't forget him. so i couldn't get closer to my husband.now my husband is working in abroad. we never had any psychical relationship.after a long time, recently i met my ex and badly wanted to hug him and cry but i didn't. im feeling sometimes like i wanna get back to my ex but i dont want to .please help me to forget him and move on
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 September 2016):
 It sounds like this marriage was arranged and it was not built by solid commitment and connection. You married him in a desperate state and not out of love. When your husband went away it was like out of sight, out of mind. The closest thing you looked for comfort was your ex because he's the only thing you knew. If it weren't your ex it could be a neighbor, a friend you knew from high school, or a chatty stranger in public.
It sounds like you have abandonment issues and they were never dealt with. The quick marriage was like a temporary bandaid but it did nothing to mend that sense of emptiness in your heart. To overcome this weakness you have to find strength in yourself to deal with everyday life without having to lean on someone else. In your mind you knew your ex is bad news. If he knew you still pine for him he would likely take advantage of your loneliness. It is best that you do not bump into him or contact him in any form.
As lovely as your husband is, is there a reason why you've never had sex? Does he have hangups of any sort, has he expressed desire for it? If you want to stay married you have to make sure you are compatible on every level. This is hard when the best you can to is skype. The least you can do is to stay true to him before you find out if this marriage is good for you. You have to resist every temptation for male attention and approval. When you are lonely and your husband can't be there, it can be a recipe for an affair if you are not careful. At the same time do some soul searching about what you want out of life.
A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (12 September 2016):
This is a very sad situation for you to be in,and also a strain on your husband.However you are aware of having a loving,and understanding husband and this is something to be treasured.However we all have pined for a ...lost love..If you like fields are greener far away and in your case ..this is in the past.As you stated you feel that you are still in love with your ex..that is very difficult and painful for you.Would you consider going to a counsellor and open out and tell her/him your feelings and discuss them.Take your time to sort this out,and get all the help you can.Right now would not be a good time to make any plan for your future.Sort this out first and you will be in a clearer frame of mind to decide about your future.Kind regards NORA B.
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